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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 663824" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>It wasn't dumb, Serenity.</p><p></p><p>You didn't know. You had no healthy frame of reference. Now, we are developing frames of reference. </p><p></p><p>First, for what is unhealthy in us, for where we are bruised or stained, for how that happened, for how to bring those hurt places back from the cold and into whole, vibrant life.</p><p></p><p>As we listen and hear and learn compassion instead of shame at the pain of the broken places, we are healing and renaming ourselves. </p><p></p><p>Healthy comes next.</p><p></p><p>I think you have incredible heart, Serenity. You are very, very bright. Your vocabulary is amazing. You are steady and strong, or you would not have been able to create the family you have created and held together<em>. You had no adequate role model</em>. <em>You have accomplished everything you have accomplished on heart and courage alone.</em> </p><p></p><p><em>And you did it against impossible odds</em> <em>and, as we each are learning is true for us, without the support of family.</em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>My D H did the same, Serenity. Copa's M protected her, brought her to her senses, as well. There is listening, and there is hearing. I think it has to do with levels of toxicity. Whatever fragile balance the extended family attains shatters at the death of a parent.</p><p></p><p>The level of toxicity rises; the poison at the core is revealed.</p><p></p><p>That is what we are having a look at, and healing.</p><p></p><p>The toxicity at the core of the things we were taught, about ourselves, and about ourselves in the world.</p><p></p><p>We are doing well.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Can you clarify, Copa?</p><p></p><p>This occurred to me: Deciding I needed to know how to conduct myself relative to FOO fueled this investigation for me. I have had a terrible time letting myself let go of my mom, Copa. </p><p></p><p>Like you, and like SWOT, I love my mother. </p><p></p><p>The difference between you and I is that I have been given the gift of time. </p><p></p><p>You were not.</p><p></p><p>I could change my mind, could call her tomorrow. These issues have been issues of choice, for me. When I am healed, I will be stronger. Everything may look very different to me then. </p><p></p><p>You came into relationship with your mom <em>knowing there was no time.</em></p><p></p><p>I don't mean to be unkind but your mom had an unfair advantage. I feel pressure because it is likely my mother will die before I do. So, I need to come to a conclusion about everything pretty quickly, here. </p><p></p><p>Your mom had the advantage because what was happening was already happening when you saw her again. How could you explore rage / sullen resentment / lust of vengeance.</p><p></p><p>Love.</p><p></p><p>It was already too late.</p><p></p><p>You would have to part the Red Sea Copa, and stand between the towering walls of water to hear and hold yourself with compassion, your Childhood on one side whispering its truths, and your Adult on the other, hearing them in secret, knowing the mother is already gone.</p><p></p><p>I have not had to be as strong as you have had to be.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>May I ask the nature of the suffering, Copa?</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 663824, member: 17461"] It wasn't dumb, Serenity. You didn't know. You had no healthy frame of reference. Now, we are developing frames of reference. First, for what is unhealthy in us, for where we are bruised or stained, for how that happened, for how to bring those hurt places back from the cold and into whole, vibrant life. As we listen and hear and learn compassion instead of shame at the pain of the broken places, we are healing and renaming ourselves. Healthy comes next. I think you have incredible heart, Serenity. You are very, very bright. Your vocabulary is amazing. You are steady and strong, or you would not have been able to create the family you have created and held together[I]. You had no adequate role model[/I]. [I]You have accomplished everything you have accomplished on heart and courage alone.[/I] [I]And you did it against impossible odds[/I] [I]and, as we each are learning is true for us, without the support of family.[/I] My D H did the same, Serenity. Copa's M protected her, brought her to her senses, as well. There is listening, and there is hearing. I think it has to do with levels of toxicity. Whatever fragile balance the extended family attains shatters at the death of a parent. The level of toxicity rises; the poison at the core is revealed. That is what we are having a look at, and healing. The toxicity at the core of the things we were taught, about ourselves, and about ourselves in the world. We are doing well. Can you clarify, Copa? This occurred to me: Deciding I needed to know how to conduct myself relative to FOO fueled this investigation for me. I have had a terrible time letting myself let go of my mom, Copa. Like you, and like SWOT, I love my mother. The difference between you and I is that I have been given the gift of time. You were not. I could change my mind, could call her tomorrow. These issues have been issues of choice, for me. When I am healed, I will be stronger. Everything may look very different to me then. You came into relationship with your mom [I]knowing there was no time.[/I] I don't mean to be unkind but your mom had an unfair advantage. I feel pressure because it is likely my mother will die before I do. So, I need to come to a conclusion about everything pretty quickly, here. Your mom had the advantage because what was happening was already happening when you saw her again. How could you explore rage / sullen resentment / lust of vengeance. Love. It was already too late. You would have to part the Red Sea Copa, and stand between the towering walls of water to hear and hold yourself with compassion, your Childhood on one side whispering its truths, and your Adult on the other, hearing them in secret, knowing the mother is already gone. I have not had to be as strong as you have had to be. May I ask the nature of the suffering, Copa? Cedar [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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