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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 663891" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>First I read about your therapists and I believe you both, but I am so puzzled. I never had a therapist act like that to me.</p><p></p><p>Of course I chose females mostly and did not believe Freud's theories so I drifted toward cognitive behavioral theray and now I like dialectal behavioral therapy as it is all about mindfulness. I didn't really do the stuff where I was supposed to do a transference. I just never believed that was valid. I'm glad. Your experiences were abusive and hideous.</p><p></p><p>I would have walked out the door, but I, who started therapy at 23, was more schooled in what to expect from therapy so I could decide who was and who was not competent to help me.</p><p></p><p>You both should have reported them. Ugh.</p><p></p><p>I feel bad that you're abusive experiences scared you from therapists, but I can hardly blame you. I am sorry you had to deal with therapists like that who have no business being in the field. What losers!</p><p></p><p>I had a current issue come up that bothers me.</p><p></p><p>I called my father, who I had not talked with for a few days. He was in a bad mood then finally blurted, "Your brother is coming tomorrow."</p><p>I just paused a second before I said, "Ok. I just won't call then. How long is he staying?" I was upbeat when I asked.</p><p>That started him off on a stream of abuse, in which he kept coughing, which alarmed me.</p><p>And I decided at once to put up with the abuse and try to calm him down because he is 91 and I love him and his words were not hurting me. They were more about how we all think he was abusive and conceited...wonder who told him that. I thought my mother was abusive to me and him. But I let him talk. Plus he can't hear well. He thought I said I was hanging up on him.</p><p></p><p>"If you hang up on me I am going straight to the bank." The disowning card won't work with me. I already went through it. I survived. Nobody will manipulate me due to money.</p><p></p><p>"Well, I didn't say I was hanging up on you, but you are free to go to the bank."</p><p></p><p>That sent him into another frenzy in which he said "My entire family is ^%*%." And by that, I know it hurts his heart that his kids don't speak.</p><p>I said, "Yes, I know. I agree."</p><p>That surprised him and he paused before he went on more of a rant.</p><p>Finally he started to calm down. I am very sad that the relationship between we three kids is so bad that we can't even fake getting along for his sake. He should not have to leave this world without one of his greatest wishes...that we all are at least speaking to one another. I would fake toleration of them for a half hour. For his sake. </p><p>I would do it for him, but only in front of him. With D H by my side.</p><p>But I know they won't. Or wouldn't.</p><p>And I'm certainly not going to contact them to ask them to maybe get together once for a half hour in front of Dad just to make him happy and believe that we are all friends.</p><p>He said, "Brother would talk to you!"</p><p>I said, "Just tell him to call me." He won't.</p><p>He seems to think, like my mother did, that brother is the nicest of the litter.</p><p>When he calmed down it was an unspoken understanding that I will call him after Brother is gone. Brother stays in his apartment with him so I'm not going to talk to my dad while he is there.</p><p>Anyhow, either Hubby and I are going to Chicago in two weeks, after bro is gone, or Jumper, her boyfriend and me are going to Chicago in two weeks after bro is gone. Who comes with me is dependent upon whether or not Jumper can get the weekend off from the nursing home.</p><p>I will probably see him then.</p><p>We are going to see...BUDDHA BABY!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! And Princess, of course.</p><p>And my dad has seen me the last few times we came up.</p><p>A part of me feels a little guilty (just when I say Guilty hasn't visisted me lately...) because I don't get along with my siblings and can't give my father what he wants as I have no control over them.</p><p>But I can't.</p><p>He will get over it.</p><p>Certainly my dad must know this is not sibling normality. He and his siblings fought sometimes, but they didn't do the crazy things that happened between his kids.</p><p>Oh, well. There is nothing I can do. I do love my dad.</p><p>It bothers him when I say my family is Hub and my kids and him. I can't say that anymore. I mean, I could, but not after he blew up today and that was part of it. God knows why he thinks it's bad that my family is my family, b ut...yeah. Nobody in my family of origin, even him, are free of dysfunction. I love him because he loves me as much as the other two. A bad reason? Maybe, but it was always there. I always loved him because he was a good or bad to me as he was to the others and did not act like I was a scapegoat. Sometimes he talked like we all were, but he did not treat me as worse.</p><p>That means a lot to me.</p><p></p><p>But here's a secret. Even though I won't say it again to him, my family is Hub, my kids, and my grands and my father and nobody else.</p><p></p><p>So THERE!</p><p></p><p>Should I roar??</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 663891, member: 1550"] First I read about your therapists and I believe you both, but I am so puzzled. I never had a therapist act like that to me. Of course I chose females mostly and did not believe Freud's theories so I drifted toward cognitive behavioral theray and now I like dialectal behavioral therapy as it is all about mindfulness. I didn't really do the stuff where I was supposed to do a transference. I just never believed that was valid. I'm glad. Your experiences were abusive and hideous. I would have walked out the door, but I, who started therapy at 23, was more schooled in what to expect from therapy so I could decide who was and who was not competent to help me. You both should have reported them. Ugh. I feel bad that you're abusive experiences scared you from therapists, but I can hardly blame you. I am sorry you had to deal with therapists like that who have no business being in the field. What losers! I had a current issue come up that bothers me. I called my father, who I had not talked with for a few days. He was in a bad mood then finally blurted, "Your brother is coming tomorrow." I just paused a second before I said, "Ok. I just won't call then. How long is he staying?" I was upbeat when I asked. That started him off on a stream of abuse, in which he kept coughing, which alarmed me. And I decided at once to put up with the abuse and try to calm him down because he is 91 and I love him and his words were not hurting me. They were more about how we all think he was abusive and conceited...wonder who told him that. I thought my mother was abusive to me and him. But I let him talk. Plus he can't hear well. He thought I said I was hanging up on him. "If you hang up on me I am going straight to the bank." The disowning card won't work with me. I already went through it. I survived. Nobody will manipulate me due to money. "Well, I didn't say I was hanging up on you, but you are free to go to the bank." That sent him into another frenzy in which he said "My entire family is ^%*%." And by that, I know it hurts his heart that his kids don't speak. I said, "Yes, I know. I agree." That surprised him and he paused before he went on more of a rant. Finally he started to calm down. I am very sad that the relationship between we three kids is so bad that we can't even fake getting along for his sake. He should not have to leave this world without one of his greatest wishes...that we all are at least speaking to one another. I would fake toleration of them for a half hour. For his sake. I would do it for him, but only in front of him. With D H by my side. But I know they won't. Or wouldn't. And I'm certainly not going to contact them to ask them to maybe get together once for a half hour in front of Dad just to make him happy and believe that we are all friends. He said, "Brother would talk to you!" I said, "Just tell him to call me." He won't. He seems to think, like my mother did, that brother is the nicest of the litter. When he calmed down it was an unspoken understanding that I will call him after Brother is gone. Brother stays in his apartment with him so I'm not going to talk to my dad while he is there. Anyhow, either Hubby and I are going to Chicago in two weeks, after bro is gone, or Jumper, her boyfriend and me are going to Chicago in two weeks after bro is gone. Who comes with me is dependent upon whether or not Jumper can get the weekend off from the nursing home. I will probably see him then. We are going to see...BUDDHA BABY!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!! And Princess, of course. And my dad has seen me the last few times we came up. A part of me feels a little guilty (just when I say Guilty hasn't visisted me lately...) because I don't get along with my siblings and can't give my father what he wants as I have no control over them. But I can't. He will get over it. Certainly my dad must know this is not sibling normality. He and his siblings fought sometimes, but they didn't do the crazy things that happened between his kids. Oh, well. There is nothing I can do. I do love my dad. It bothers him when I say my family is Hub and my kids and him. I can't say that anymore. I mean, I could, but not after he blew up today and that was part of it. God knows why he thinks it's bad that my family is my family, b ut...yeah. Nobody in my family of origin, even him, are free of dysfunction. I love him because he loves me as much as the other two. A bad reason? Maybe, but it was always there. I always loved him because he was a good or bad to me as he was to the others and did not act like I was a scapegoat. Sometimes he talked like we all were, but he did not treat me as worse. That means a lot to me. But here's a secret. Even though I won't say it again to him, my family is Hub, my kids, and my grands and my father and nobody else. So THERE! Should I roar?? [/QUOTE]
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