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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 663928" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I haven't gotten to the posts yet but before I do I want to mention this:</p><p></p><p>It is about betrayal by others/betrayal of self.</p><p></p><p>Had I stayed constant with myself. In my case that would have meant this.</p><p></p><p>I knew that he had erred with me in multiple ways. </p><p></p><p>I spoke to him of most of them, but not all (not the sexual ones.)</p><p></p><p>This is where I went wrong:</p><p></p><p>Feelings. I got mad. I gave him the upper hand. I empowered him.</p><p></p><p>Most of all I did that sleight of hand that we have discussed where I know but abandon myself. When I accept that our destiny was to be betrayed.</p><p></p><p>So this is the issue that I want to clarify: In my case my therapist was very esteemed and very powerful in his school of thought/professional.</p><p></p><p>I did consult two other therapists to try to understand what was happening. I went multiple times to them.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying they failed me.</p><p>___</p><p></p><p>This is where I need help.</p><p></p><p>My therapist ended up self-destructing. He lost his medical license. He lost his esteem and power (which was considerable.) Because he actually had been caught having an affair with a patient, while he charged her money. For years.</p><p></p><p>So had I held faith with the therapy. And brought up my truths, and held strong with them, and not reacted emotionally and believed in myself as entitled to professionalism and integrity.</p><p></p><p>If there is actual betrayal, what would have changed?</p><p></p><p>I guess the only image that comes up is like a tire of a car stuck in a mud puddle, unable to get traction.</p><p>Because I would have tried and tried to reach that place of integrity in him, and failed.</p><p></p><p>Because he was a deceiver and an imposter. To everybody else. And I had found him out. What would I have done? </p><p></p><p>If I imagine somebody strong like your D H. He would have never put himself in that place to begin with.</p><p></p><p>This man had trainees, because he was involved as a kind of educator type person. Kind of like apprentices who were already licensed physicians or psychologists. When he was unmasked to be what he was, some abandoned their status, which was a considerable honor and a road to considerable reward and privilege.</p><p></p><p>They turned away from who they were, to stay with him, to be with him, to protect him. They did not stay with themselves.</p><p></p><p>What could I have done, 15 years before when all of this was unknown, except by a handful of women, perhaps, or perhaps then I was the only one?</p><p></p><p>I do not know. But the reality was I knew that I was impaired. I knew that I could not faith with my self. I knew that. That he was horribly flawed only made it so that I could not heal myself.</p><p></p><p>Because he was more concerned in protecting his own secrets, keeping covered his own taint.</p><p></p><p>What I am grappling with here, is that even with strong people, without this bent towards self-betrayal, or looked at kindly, who have trouble maintaining steadfast with themselves...even with them entering intimate and trusting relationships is a minefield.</p><p></p><p>And now I think of D H's mother. Might this be what is going on with her sense of betrayal and sadness? She who was a healthy and complete woman, cannot abandon herself.</p><p></p><p>At the time and place she was raised it was expected that her children care for her when she could no longer do so. She will not abandon herself. The sense that she was entitled and was betrayed by her children.</p><p></p><p>To her, the solidity, the certainty on which her whole life was based, is at stake. And she will not let her rage about this, go.</p><p></p><p>I do not know how I will ever understand completely. Because all roads lead back to the horribleness of feeling that one's life is being held as if nothing by another.</p><p></p><p>And at least, at the end with my mother, she was spared that.</p><p></p><p>But me, and with my loved ones, or this therapist, I do not know. I hope to think M would not betray me. I do not know, really.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 663928, member: 18958"] I haven't gotten to the posts yet but before I do I want to mention this: It is about betrayal by others/betrayal of self. Had I stayed constant with myself. In my case that would have meant this. I knew that he had erred with me in multiple ways. I spoke to him of most of them, but not all (not the sexual ones.) This is where I went wrong: Feelings. I got mad. I gave him the upper hand. I empowered him. Most of all I did that sleight of hand that we have discussed where I know but abandon myself. When I accept that our destiny was to be betrayed. So this is the issue that I want to clarify: In my case my therapist was very esteemed and very powerful in his school of thought/professional. I did consult two other therapists to try to understand what was happening. I went multiple times to them. I am not saying they failed me. ___ This is where I need help. My therapist ended up self-destructing. He lost his medical license. He lost his esteem and power (which was considerable.) Because he actually had been caught having an affair with a patient, while he charged her money. For years. So had I held faith with the therapy. And brought up my truths, and held strong with them, and not reacted emotionally and believed in myself as entitled to professionalism and integrity. If there is actual betrayal, what would have changed? I guess the only image that comes up is like a tire of a car stuck in a mud puddle, unable to get traction. Because I would have tried and tried to reach that place of integrity in him, and failed. Because he was a deceiver and an imposter. To everybody else. And I had found him out. What would I have done? If I imagine somebody strong like your D H. He would have never put himself in that place to begin with. This man had trainees, because he was involved as a kind of educator type person. Kind of like apprentices who were already licensed physicians or psychologists. When he was unmasked to be what he was, some abandoned their status, which was a considerable honor and a road to considerable reward and privilege. They turned away from who they were, to stay with him, to be with him, to protect him. They did not stay with themselves. What could I have done, 15 years before when all of this was unknown, except by a handful of women, perhaps, or perhaps then I was the only one? I do not know. But the reality was I knew that I was impaired. I knew that I could not faith with my self. I knew that. That he was horribly flawed only made it so that I could not heal myself. Because he was more concerned in protecting his own secrets, keeping covered his own taint. What I am grappling with here, is that even with strong people, without this bent towards self-betrayal, or looked at kindly, who have trouble maintaining steadfast with themselves...even with them entering intimate and trusting relationships is a minefield. And now I think of D H's mother. Might this be what is going on with her sense of betrayal and sadness? She who was a healthy and complete woman, cannot abandon herself. At the time and place she was raised it was expected that her children care for her when she could no longer do so. She will not abandon herself. The sense that she was entitled and was betrayed by her children. To her, the solidity, the certainty on which her whole life was based, is at stake. And she will not let her rage about this, go. I do not know how I will ever understand completely. Because all roads lead back to the horribleness of feeling that one's life is being held as if nothing by another. And at least, at the end with my mother, she was spared that. But me, and with my loved ones, or this therapist, I do not know. I hope to think M would not betray me. I do not know, really. [/QUOTE]
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