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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 664158" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>To return to the theme of betrayal, and of betrayal of self.</p><p></p><p>I am reading <u>Rebecca</u>, again.</p><p></p><p>The material I am going to quote for us here begins on page 76. Max is speaking to his young, very uncertain second wife of Mrs. Danvers, the housekeeper chosen by the powerful first wife, Rebecca. Italicized portions are where we should direct our attention. They illustrate the difference in thinking between those who betray themselves and those who do not.</p><p></p><p>To me, they do.</p><p></p><p>"Don't mind her," he said, "she's an extraordinary character in many ways, and probably not very easy for another woman to get on with. <em>You mustn't worry about it. If she really makes herself a nuisance we'll get rid of her. </em>But she's efficient, you know, and will take all housekeeping worries off your hands. <em>I dare say she's a bit of a bully to the staff.</em> She doesn't dare bully me though. <em>I'd have given her the sack long ago if she had tried.</em></p><p></p><p>"I expect we shall get on very well when she knows me better," <em>I said quickly, "after all, it's natural enough that she should resent me a bit at first."</em></p><p></p><p>"Resent you, why resent you? What the devil do you mean?" he said.</p><p></p><p>He turned away from the window, frowning, an odd, half-angry expression on his face. <em>I wondered why he should mind, and wished I had said something else.</em></p><p></p><p><em>"I mean, it must be much easier for a housekeeper to look after a man alone," I said, "I dare say she had got into the way of doing it, and perhaps she was afraid I should be very overbearing."</em></p><p></p><p><em>***</em></p><p></p><p>"Let's forget about Mrs. Danvers," he said; "<em>she doesn't interest me very much, I'm afraid. </em>Come along, and let me show you something of Manderley."</p><p></p><p>The paragraphs go on in this vein. One of the things addressed is that, though the second wife had felt foolish to hear her own footsteps seemingly thundering through the stone flags of the hall, with her husband at her side striding through it, the nails on his shoes loudly authoritative, she felt safer, less a fool.</p><p></p><p>Alright. So, the story goes on in that vein. At the bottom of page 77:</p><p></p><p>He did not look at me, he went on reading his paper, contented, comfortable, having assumed his way of living, the master of his house. And as I sat there, brooding, my chin in my hands, fondling the soft ears of one of the spaniels, <em>it came to me that I was not the first one to lounge there in possession of the chair, someone had been before me, had surely left an imprint of her person on the cushions, an don the arm where her hand had rested. Another one had poured the coffee from that same silver coffee pot, had placed the cup to her lips, had bent down to the dog, even as I was doing.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Unconsciously I shivered, as though someone had opened the door behind me, and let a draught into the room. I was sitting in Rebecca's chair, I was leaning against Rebecca's cushion, and the dog had come to me and laid his head upon my knee because that had been his custom, and he remembered, in the past, that she had given sugar to him there.</em></p><p></p><p>So do you see it? Do you see the way the second wife creates her own terrifyingly lonely world and creates of herself a hapless victim?</p><p></p><p>Self betrayal, in her thinking.</p><p></p><p>That is where we are concentrating our energies, in our healing, today.</p><p></p><p>There is a key here. If we can become aware of these kinds of patterns in our own thinking, we will have come into possession of a wonderful tool.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 664158, member: 17461"] To return to the theme of betrayal, and of betrayal of self. I am reading [U]Rebecca[/U], again. The material I am going to quote for us here begins on page 76. Max is speaking to his young, very uncertain second wife of Mrs. Danvers, the housekeeper chosen by the powerful first wife, Rebecca. Italicized portions are where we should direct our attention. They illustrate the difference in thinking between those who betray themselves and those who do not. To me, they do. "Don't mind her," he said, "she's an extraordinary character in many ways, and probably not very easy for another woman to get on with. [I]You mustn't worry about it. If she really makes herself a nuisance we'll get rid of her. [/I]But she's efficient, you know, and will take all housekeeping worries off your hands. [I]I dare say she's a bit of a bully to the staff.[/I] She doesn't dare bully me though. [I]I'd have given her the sack long ago if she had tried.[/I] "I expect we shall get on very well when she knows me better," [I]I said quickly, "after all, it's natural enough that she should resent me a bit at first."[/I] "Resent you, why resent you? What the devil do you mean?" he said. He turned away from the window, frowning, an odd, half-angry expression on his face. [I]I wondered why he should mind, and wished I had said something else.[/I] [I]"I mean, it must be much easier for a housekeeper to look after a man alone," I said, "I dare say she had got into the way of doing it, and perhaps she was afraid I should be very overbearing."[/I] [I]***[/I] "Let's forget about Mrs. Danvers," he said; "[I]she doesn't interest me very much, I'm afraid. [/I]Come along, and let me show you something of Manderley." The paragraphs go on in this vein. One of the things addressed is that, though the second wife had felt foolish to hear her own footsteps seemingly thundering through the stone flags of the hall, with her husband at her side striding through it, the nails on his shoes loudly authoritative, she felt safer, less a fool. Alright. So, the story goes on in that vein. At the bottom of page 77: He did not look at me, he went on reading his paper, contented, comfortable, having assumed his way of living, the master of his house. And as I sat there, brooding, my chin in my hands, fondling the soft ears of one of the spaniels, [I]it came to me that I was not the first one to lounge there in possession of the chair, someone had been before me, had surely left an imprint of her person on the cushions, an don the arm where her hand had rested. Another one had poured the coffee from that same silver coffee pot, had placed the cup to her lips, had bent down to the dog, even as I was doing.[/I] [I]Unconsciously I shivered, as though someone had opened the door behind me, and let a draught into the room. I was sitting in Rebecca's chair, I was leaning against Rebecca's cushion, and the dog had come to me and laid his head upon my knee because that had been his custom, and he remembered, in the past, that she had given sugar to him there.[/I] So do you see it? Do you see the way the second wife creates her own terrifyingly lonely world and creates of herself a hapless victim? Self betrayal, in her thinking. That is where we are concentrating our energies, in our healing, today. There is a key here. If we can become aware of these kinds of patterns in our own thinking, we will have come into possession of a wonderful tool. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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