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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 664166" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>We realized we were alone. More frightening still, we realized that we had been alone the whole time.</p><p></p><p><em>With our pasts; with the things we allowed, finally, to surface, believing we had an ally who was stronger enough ~ who understood and was stronger than, our abuser.</em></p><p></p><p>This Copa, is why I say that we knew all along these people were not as we needed to believe them to be. (Do you see it, Copa. We needed to believe in the therapist's strength, not in our present day lives, <em>but to take, and take us back safely from, the realm of the Magical Child where we had been intentionally hurt.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Of course they were not strong enough, Copa. Few have survived what we have survived to the point that they determined to heal it. To go back, and to save the Child, and to reinterpret those confrontations with our own mortality.</em></p><p></p><p><em>That is a tall, tall order.</em></p><p></p><p><em>We are doing it here.</em></p><p></p><p>So here is the story. As anyone following us here knows by now, I have ~ I don't know. I see what I see. In my relief at having that first therapist, in the beginning of feeling safe enough to confront what lived in my past...this is what I saw. And it scared me; really scared me. <em>But it was true, Copa. If you remember, you will find something similar in your own trepidation regarding trusting that therapist to the depth that you did. Something that you, like I did too, refuted to continue in therapy at the very same time you decided to leap, to trust the therapist. All the things that came in the weeks and months and for you, years later ~ you knew then Copa, in the beginning, like I did, too.</em></p><p></p><p>So, here it is.</p><p></p><p>I do what I do through letting my mind show me what it will. Then, I write it into poetry, usually. </p><p></p><p>Or a story. In the same way others of us write music or create art of any kind, I suppose. I still may not know what it means, most probably because I refuse to know. But on some level Copa, I do. And so do you, or you would be broken, today.</p><p></p><p>More broken, Copa. There is a strength in you. Trust it.</p><p></p><p>Anyway, so here is the story that I saw.</p><p></p><p>A cave. Rocks and towering stone shapes and stalactites formed from water over centuries, over eons of time. At the center is a low table set with beautiful porcelain, the pot steaming, the cups ready, the table perfect.</p><p></p><p>The next time I looked, it was as though something eyeless had batted a hand across the table, breaking the china and spilling the tea.</p><p></p><p>"The tea things had been disturbed."</p><p></p><p>That is what I heard Copa <em>and I knew then.</em> But I did it anyway. Trusted him with myself, anyway.</p><p></p><p>He was not strong enough. I knew it. So did you. <em>We did it anyway, knowing, beneath all of it, that we would come through it.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Probably.</em></p><p></p><p><em>Probably being the key word, here. </em></p><p><em></em></p><p>Add the stupid therapist's condemnation, in any sense, to <em>probably</em>, and we have where we find ourselves, today.</p><p></p><p>Again. The betrayal here is between us and ourselves, Copa.</p><p></p><p>That the therapists were as they are...we knew that, going in <em>and trusted ourselves to get to the other side of where we had determined to go.</em></p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 664166, member: 17461"] We realized we were alone. More frightening still, we realized that we had been alone the whole time. [I]With our pasts; with the things we allowed, finally, to surface, believing we had an ally who was stronger enough ~ who understood and was stronger than, our abuser.[/I] This Copa, is why I say that we knew all along these people were not as we needed to believe them to be. (Do you see it, Copa. We needed to believe in the therapist's strength, not in our present day lives, [I]but to take, and take us back safely from, the realm of the Magical Child where we had been intentionally hurt.[/I] [I]Of course they were not strong enough, Copa. Few have survived what we have survived to the point that they determined to heal it. To go back, and to save the Child, and to reinterpret those confrontations with our own mortality.[/I] [I]That is a tall, tall order.[/I] [I]We are doing it here.[/I] So here is the story. As anyone following us here knows by now, I have ~ I don't know. I see what I see. In my relief at having that first therapist, in the beginning of feeling safe enough to confront what lived in my past...this is what I saw. And it scared me; really scared me. [I]But it was true, Copa. If you remember, you will find something similar in your own trepidation regarding trusting that therapist to the depth that you did. Something that you, like I did too, refuted to continue in therapy at the very same time you decided to leap, to trust the therapist. All the things that came in the weeks and months and for you, years later ~ you knew then Copa, in the beginning, like I did, too.[/I] So, here it is. I do what I do through letting my mind show me what it will. Then, I write it into poetry, usually. Or a story. In the same way others of us write music or create art of any kind, I suppose. I still may not know what it means, most probably because I refuse to know. But on some level Copa, I do. And so do you, or you would be broken, today. More broken, Copa. There is a strength in you. Trust it. Anyway, so here is the story that I saw. A cave. Rocks and towering stone shapes and stalactites formed from water over centuries, over eons of time. At the center is a low table set with beautiful porcelain, the pot steaming, the cups ready, the table perfect. The next time I looked, it was as though something eyeless had batted a hand across the table, breaking the china and spilling the tea. "The tea things had been disturbed." That is what I heard Copa [I]and I knew then.[/I] But I did it anyway. Trusted him with myself, anyway. He was not strong enough. I knew it. So did you. [I]We did it anyway, knowing, beneath all of it, that we would come through it.[/I] [I]Probably.[/I] [I]Probably being the key word, here. [/I] Add the stupid therapist's condemnation, in any sense, to [I]probably[/I], and we have where we find ourselves, today. Again. The betrayal here is between us and ourselves, Copa. That the therapists were as they are...we knew that, going in [I]and trusted ourselves to get to the other side of where we had determined to go.[/I] Cedar [/QUOTE]
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