Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664174" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am confused again.</p><p></p><p>The way I am seeing now is this: I wanted rescue from the past. I wanted somebody to stand with me and face it down. He failed. I felt horror.</p><p></p><p></p><p>This is where the horror was.</p><p>This is absolutely true.</p><p></p><p>I have gone back and forth on this. At the very beginning of the therapy <em>I foresaw </em>his deficits and failure. I foresaw it all.</p><p></p><p>I have blamed myself for this. For going into an arrangement that on some level I foresaw as dangerous.</p><p></p><p>In this new perspective I am adopting I am seeing that I went into this with various objectives, some known, some unknown.</p><p></p><p>One objective was to extricate myself from my Mother. ( succeeded partially.)</p><p></p><p>Another objective was to launch myself professionally (succeeded.)</p><p></p><p>Another, to deal with my ambivalence about men. (failed.)</p><p></p><p>Another, to go back to my childhood, this time accompanied by a strong and fair prince, and to confront those horrors. (failed.)</p><p></p><p>I can look at all of this in two ways. I can say that because I had already been failed by men by the time I met this man, to foretell his weakness and his inability to stand with me or for me...would have been my position no matter who or what. With anybody. </p><p></p><p>It was only bad luck that this man revealed himself to be a charlatan.</p><p></p><p>The other perspective is this: I discounted the signs for reasons within myself. Self-destructiveness. For example. In a way it was to hedge my bets. Like our difficult children do.</p><p></p><p>If you start off with something in which you already have doubt...the risk is not so great...the failure is not so great...</p><p></p><p>And the decision to view the whole endeavor with him as a glass half full. Not as a victim. I was not betrayed. I decided.</p><p>Of my whole life. It felt.</p><p>Yes. This is a decision. A cold clear eyed decision. I survived. He did not.</p><p>So from my new perspective I do not understand where the self-betrayal was. Except in the way I saw it then, when it occurred. Believing it had anything to do with me. Or my worth. Or my deserving. That I had deserved what happened to me as a child. That I deserved his failing me. That this train wreck that was my life as it was set up for me. I deserved. That is the only betrayal of self that I see.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664174, member: 18958"] I am confused again. The way I am seeing now is this: I wanted rescue from the past. I wanted somebody to stand with me and face it down. He failed. I felt horror. This is where the horror was. This is absolutely true. I have gone back and forth on this. At the very beginning of the therapy [I]I foresaw [/I]his deficits and failure. I foresaw it all. I have blamed myself for this. For going into an arrangement that on some level I foresaw as dangerous. In this new perspective I am adopting I am seeing that I went into this with various objectives, some known, some unknown. One objective was to extricate myself from my Mother. ( succeeded partially.) Another objective was to launch myself professionally (succeeded.) Another, to deal with my ambivalence about men. (failed.) Another, to go back to my childhood, this time accompanied by a strong and fair prince, and to confront those horrors. (failed.) I can look at all of this in two ways. I can say that because I had already been failed by men by the time I met this man, to foretell his weakness and his inability to stand with me or for me...would have been my position no matter who or what. With anybody. It was only bad luck that this man revealed himself to be a charlatan. The other perspective is this: I discounted the signs for reasons within myself. Self-destructiveness. For example. In a way it was to hedge my bets. Like our difficult children do. If you start off with something in which you already have doubt...the risk is not so great...the failure is not so great... And the decision to view the whole endeavor with him as a glass half full. Not as a victim. I was not betrayed. I decided. Of my whole life. It felt. Yes. This is a decision. A cold clear eyed decision. I survived. He did not. So from my new perspective I do not understand where the self-betrayal was. Except in the way I saw it then, when it occurred. Believing it had anything to do with me. Or my worth. Or my deserving. That I had deserved what happened to me as a child. That I deserved his failing me. That this train wreck that was my life as it was set up for me. I deserved. That is the only betrayal of self that I see. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
General Discussions
Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
Top