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Family of Origin
Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 664179" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I acknowledge it, Cedar. How can I not? </p><p></p><p>My mother always asserted she was entitled to superior status and care. Even though SHE KNEW SHE DID NOT based upon her own decisions and actions.</p><p></p><p>I found the will, Cedar. Where she illegally and immorally stole the inheritance from her daughters. And when I had demanded she respect it...she played the victim, Cedar. My victim. When she always knew the opposite was true.</p><p></p><p>I know the nature of my Mother. I always knew it.</p><p></p><p>And she knew the whole rest of her life that she had stolen from her girls. And did not care less. Felt entitled to it. Felt entitled to what that money bestowed. The power. The gifts to self. The security.</p><p></p><p>And felt, still, completely entitled to their loving devotion. Their protection. Their loving and devoted care. Is it any wonder that I have so much trouble putting myself in that position, as deserving love and protection and respect from myself?</p><p></p><p>And she saw her children in need. And she refused to help...unless forced.</p><p></p><p>That her children may have been degraded, in need, desperate. Mattered not at all.</p><p></p><p>And this I think must have been what so galled my sister.</p><p></p><p>Because I believe in my sister's mind she was owed. The bargain my sister must have made is <em>at the very least my sister deserved power over me.</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>And that was when she finally left the game when she did not get that.</p><p></p><p>I know that my mother chose for herself...against my interests....for my whole life. I never lose sight of that. </p><p></p><p>I know she chose for herself, especially, as she was dying. That she could have chosen, at least initially, to protect me and not abuse me. She did not.</p><p></p><p>She knew she had betrayed her daughters. She knew she was capable still of making all kinds of other arrangements. She could have decided to die in her house. Some people decide this. She would have had I not arrived.</p><p></p><p>She knew the cost to me. She knew me and my sensitivity. She knew I likely could not handle it. I think even when I did not know it, she knew I loved her. And would subordinate myself and my needs to her. She knew I was the one who would do it. She took advantage of me. I know she did.</p><p></p><p>And I forgive her. Still, I would save her over myself. </p><p></p><p>I want so to get to the point where I deserve something. I cannot get a foothold.</p><p></p><p>My problem is that I loved her. I still do. </p><p></p><p>And that I think your struggle, too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 664179, member: 18958"] I acknowledge it, Cedar. How can I not? My mother always asserted she was entitled to superior status and care. Even though SHE KNEW SHE DID NOT based upon her own decisions and actions. I found the will, Cedar. Where she illegally and immorally stole the inheritance from her daughters. And when I had demanded she respect it...she played the victim, Cedar. My victim. When she always knew the opposite was true. I know the nature of my Mother. I always knew it. And she knew the whole rest of her life that she had stolen from her girls. And did not care less. Felt entitled to it. Felt entitled to what that money bestowed. The power. The gifts to self. The security. And felt, still, completely entitled to their loving devotion. Their protection. Their loving and devoted care. Is it any wonder that I have so much trouble putting myself in that position, as deserving love and protection and respect from myself? And she saw her children in need. And she refused to help...unless forced. That her children may have been degraded, in need, desperate. Mattered not at all. And this I think must have been what so galled my sister. Because I believe in my sister's mind she was owed. The bargain my sister must have made is [I]at the very least my sister deserved power over me. [/I] And that was when she finally left the game when she did not get that. I know that my mother chose for herself...against my interests....for my whole life. I never lose sight of that. I know she chose for herself, especially, as she was dying. That she could have chosen, at least initially, to protect me and not abuse me. She did not. She knew she had betrayed her daughters. She knew she was capable still of making all kinds of other arrangements. She could have decided to die in her house. Some people decide this. She would have had I not arrived. She knew the cost to me. She knew me and my sensitivity. She knew I likely could not handle it. I think even when I did not know it, she knew I loved her. And would subordinate myself and my needs to her. She knew I was the one who would do it. She took advantage of me. I know she did. And I forgive her. Still, I would save her over myself. I want so to get to the point where I deserve something. I cannot get a foothold. My problem is that I loved her. I still do. And that I think your struggle, too. [/QUOTE]
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Family of Origin (FOO) Support Thread Part 2
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