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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 385887" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Thank you everyone!! </p><p> </p><p>There IS a lot of hurt and confusion on my part. I think mostly because I would be THRILLED to go on and NEVER mention any of the past stuff that has been done. The problem is that while I am expected to not bring up anything that happened in the past (including yesterday as the past, and anything that brought things to a head is supposed to be in the past and never mentioned <em>by me.)</em> No one else follows that restriction. MY behavior, and my husband's and childrens' behavior is all thrown in my face at any discussion of "problems". If I say that what we did was wrong, but was done because Y was done TO US, I get chewed out all over for "bringing up the past". Some of the things that I end up getting criticized and taken to "task" for are things that happened decades ago, including things my children did before they were old enough for school. Yet if I mention something that happened a month ago I am "holding a grudge" and "dwelling on the past" like I have done since I "got out of high school".</p><p> </p><p>I just don't understand how I am not ever supposed to express my issues with things that happened in the last few months while being yelled at and told I am terrible and awful and a horrible mother, sister, daughter, friend and human being for things I did years ago or things my husband and kids may have done years ago. NEVER are ANY efforts on my part to change given any credit or praise, not whenever we have gotten together to "talk things out" in the past. </p><p> </p><p>It is why I am so unwilling to "discuss" things now. Just not interested because the same thing has happened at so many past "discussions". They are not even discussions. It is all about how awful Susie and husband and the kids are. After a few minutes of my bro saying that my mom jumps on the bandwagon. If I have a problem I am expected to have the exact date and time that it happened or it is not something that "really happened" but it ignored because I "cannot support" what I am saying with a specific date and time for each time that i say it happened. I am NOT joking. I am also the ONLY person this applies to. My father won't join the discussion because he thinks it is all BS and won't get gfgbro to change anything, or to stop doing things like changing the locks on his house with-o him knowing about it.</p><p> </p><p>There is some sibling rivalry and feelings of great hurt over that. I won't deny it. I also see that I am NOT the only one in our family to feel it. My gfgbro is a HUGE "beancounter" and if he thinks my parents have spent $$ on us, or on my kids, that is more than they spent on him and his daughter he gets FURIOUS. He will then drop unsubtle "hints" until they give him something. Not cash because he is "self sufficient" but a couple of months with no truck or mortgage payments (they hold his notes because he cannot qualify for a loan because the way he handles his business and at many times cannot even qualify to rent a tool, much less a place to live.) is expected. </p><p> </p><p>Gfgbro and I are so totally different in likes, personality, and generally who we are. He has done things that I find HORRIBLE and awful and illegal. I have been accused MANY times of "turning him in" and "calling the cops" on him. I have ONLY done that once, at his then wifes SPECIFIC and direct request. she BEGGED me to report him for child abuse because he would get mad and scream and throw things at her while she held my infant niece. throwing things like dishes, candles in jars, etc... I still waited until I SAW him do it, and then reported him. It was incredibly hard to do, and his then wife refused to admit she asked me to do it. It was the right thing to do, but is still held against me by my mother. My father privately told me that he was about 24 hrs away from doing the same thing, but he wouldn't tell my bro that.</p><p> </p><p>If it wasn't for my parents we would have NOTHING to talk about or to do with each other. As it is, I have to stand strong on this. Not because I hate him, because I don't. Because it is just such a TOXIC relationship. I am quite ready to have peace in my life. If my mom insists on this I may have to say some things I don't want to tell her. </p><p> </p><p>I hate hate all this koi.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 385887, member: 1233"] Thank you everyone!! There IS a lot of hurt and confusion on my part. I think mostly because I would be THRILLED to go on and NEVER mention any of the past stuff that has been done. The problem is that while I am expected to not bring up anything that happened in the past (including yesterday as the past, and anything that brought things to a head is supposed to be in the past and never mentioned [I]by me.)[/I] No one else follows that restriction. MY behavior, and my husband's and childrens' behavior is all thrown in my face at any discussion of "problems". If I say that what we did was wrong, but was done because Y was done TO US, I get chewed out all over for "bringing up the past". Some of the things that I end up getting criticized and taken to "task" for are things that happened decades ago, including things my children did before they were old enough for school. Yet if I mention something that happened a month ago I am "holding a grudge" and "dwelling on the past" like I have done since I "got out of high school". I just don't understand how I am not ever supposed to express my issues with things that happened in the last few months while being yelled at and told I am terrible and awful and a horrible mother, sister, daughter, friend and human being for things I did years ago or things my husband and kids may have done years ago. NEVER are ANY efforts on my part to change given any credit or praise, not whenever we have gotten together to "talk things out" in the past. It is why I am so unwilling to "discuss" things now. Just not interested because the same thing has happened at so many past "discussions". They are not even discussions. It is all about how awful Susie and husband and the kids are. After a few minutes of my bro saying that my mom jumps on the bandwagon. If I have a problem I am expected to have the exact date and time that it happened or it is not something that "really happened" but it ignored because I "cannot support" what I am saying with a specific date and time for each time that i say it happened. I am NOT joking. I am also the ONLY person this applies to. My father won't join the discussion because he thinks it is all BS and won't get gfgbro to change anything, or to stop doing things like changing the locks on his house with-o him knowing about it. There is some sibling rivalry and feelings of great hurt over that. I won't deny it. I also see that I am NOT the only one in our family to feel it. My gfgbro is a HUGE "beancounter" and if he thinks my parents have spent $$ on us, or on my kids, that is more than they spent on him and his daughter he gets FURIOUS. He will then drop unsubtle "hints" until they give him something. Not cash because he is "self sufficient" but a couple of months with no truck or mortgage payments (they hold his notes because he cannot qualify for a loan because the way he handles his business and at many times cannot even qualify to rent a tool, much less a place to live.) is expected. Gfgbro and I are so totally different in likes, personality, and generally who we are. He has done things that I find HORRIBLE and awful and illegal. I have been accused MANY times of "turning him in" and "calling the cops" on him. I have ONLY done that once, at his then wifes SPECIFIC and direct request. she BEGGED me to report him for child abuse because he would get mad and scream and throw things at her while she held my infant niece. throwing things like dishes, candles in jars, etc... I still waited until I SAW him do it, and then reported him. It was incredibly hard to do, and his then wife refused to admit she asked me to do it. It was the right thing to do, but is still held against me by my mother. My father privately told me that he was about 24 hrs away from doing the same thing, but he wouldn't tell my bro that. If it wasn't for my parents we would have NOTHING to talk about or to do with each other. As it is, I have to stand strong on this. Not because I hate him, because I don't. Because it is just such a TOXIC relationship. I am quite ready to have peace in my life. If my mom insists on this I may have to say some things I don't want to tell her. I hate hate all this koi. [/QUOTE]
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