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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 254479" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>JJJ, You seem to have a good solution. I was all for family therapy under the circumstances that difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and not in the home. My guess is that my therapist would, however, she only takes morning and early afternoon appts, which is enough of a problem for me alone and won't work with difficult child in school if he was to be sent home. I can't keep this up long term either (those hours). We had initially planned for difficult child to see his therapist and me see mine and once I had some of this figured out with therapist, she would discuss it with difficult child's therapist and he would be the one to give us family therapy. He takes later appts and difficult child and I both were comfortable with him. Anyway, before it got to that point, we were having one crisis after another. I have been told that tdocs doing family therapy are not allowed to discuss anything with me that difficult child doesn't know because that would be a conflict of interest. However, they seem to have no problem discussing things with difficult child that I do not know and if he's in there giving them a skewed view of things, I would have no way to address it.</p><p></p><p>Oh- if difficult child gets sent home, it would be with court-ordered family therapy and PO overseeing it so if I didn't follow a suggestion, I would be found in non-compliance with court ordered treatment. If I tell the judge at court that I'm simply not willing to allow this scenario, she'll probably either commit difficult child to state juvy or turn him over to dss. I still want "Plan A" which is difficult child going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but since I don't have that zipped up, I don't know what to expect or even ask for as a Plan B. I just can't find any of those answers acceptable. Even if I was ok with juvy, difficult child would get out then we'd be right back to where we started from-0 they don't let kids out of juvy without being on probation (if it's local) or parole (if it's state juvy). If he got tyurned over to dss instead of me being able to make a parental placement thru them into Residential Treatment Center (RTC), dss would send difficult child to my bro for a family placement.</p><p></p><p>Another question- when a therapist sits there and says "try sending him to his room" am I supposed to tell him in front of difficult child that sometimes that might work, but sometimes difficult child just refuses to go? difficult child is bigger and much stronger than me- I can't make him do anything that he isn't agreeable to. And if we go thru the motions of this until he knows that he's being reported for non-compliance, he might kill me or himself, or both, next time before I have a chance to call cops or before they get here.</p><p></p><p>You know, it was bad enough that over the past 3 years when difficult child has been in trouble legally (and I have not, I might add), no one in Department of Juvenile Justice has asked what I was willing to do- I was ordered right along with difficult child as his guardian and had to take legal responsibility, including paying restitution. But, now that he's in there for whipping this knife on me, you would think they could have asked how I felt about thjings and what I was willing to do about him coming home, etc. I just wish I had moved out of this jurisdiction last summer when I was thinking about it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 254479, member: 3699"] JJJ, You seem to have a good solution. I was all for family therapy under the circumstances that difficult child was in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) and not in the home. My guess is that my therapist would, however, she only takes morning and early afternoon appts, which is enough of a problem for me alone and won't work with difficult child in school if he was to be sent home. I can't keep this up long term either (those hours). We had initially planned for difficult child to see his therapist and me see mine and once I had some of this figured out with therapist, she would discuss it with difficult child's therapist and he would be the one to give us family therapy. He takes later appts and difficult child and I both were comfortable with him. Anyway, before it got to that point, we were having one crisis after another. I have been told that tdocs doing family therapy are not allowed to discuss anything with me that difficult child doesn't know because that would be a conflict of interest. However, they seem to have no problem discussing things with difficult child that I do not know and if he's in there giving them a skewed view of things, I would have no way to address it. Oh- if difficult child gets sent home, it would be with court-ordered family therapy and PO overseeing it so if I didn't follow a suggestion, I would be found in non-compliance with court ordered treatment. If I tell the judge at court that I'm simply not willing to allow this scenario, she'll probably either commit difficult child to state juvy or turn him over to dss. I still want "Plan A" which is difficult child going to Residential Treatment Center (RTC), but since I don't have that zipped up, I don't know what to expect or even ask for as a Plan B. I just can't find any of those answers acceptable. Even if I was ok with juvy, difficult child would get out then we'd be right back to where we started from-0 they don't let kids out of juvy without being on probation (if it's local) or parole (if it's state juvy). If he got tyurned over to dss instead of me being able to make a parental placement thru them into Residential Treatment Center (RTC), dss would send difficult child to my bro for a family placement. Another question- when a therapist sits there and says "try sending him to his room" am I supposed to tell him in front of difficult child that sometimes that might work, but sometimes difficult child just refuses to go? difficult child is bigger and much stronger than me- I can't make him do anything that he isn't agreeable to. And if we go thru the motions of this until he knows that he's being reported for non-compliance, he might kill me or himself, or both, next time before I have a chance to call cops or before they get here. You know, it was bad enough that over the past 3 years when difficult child has been in trouble legally (and I have not, I might add), no one in Department of Juvenile Justice has asked what I was willing to do- I was ordered right along with difficult child as his guardian and had to take legal responsibility, including paying restitution. But, now that he's in there for whipping this knife on me, you would think they could have asked how I felt about thjings and what I was willing to do about him coming home, etc. I just wish I had moved out of this jurisdiction last summer when I was thinking about it. [/QUOTE]
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