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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 254745" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Well, it seems to me that it's tdocs and others trying to lay blame somewhere to begin with. The way I look at it, as far as the mental illness and underlying problems, they are no one's fault- not mine or difficult child's. It is his responsibility to learn that he can't handle these things by becoming violent or doing illegal things or suicide or self-destruction. I am more than willing to try different approaches, disciplines, whatever. But ultimately, someday I will not be here and it will do no good for difficult child to have learned to just blame me or anyone else and not have learned how to do what is in his own best interest.</p><p></p><p>To me, blame is a way to justify never doing any better and I don't want to teach him that. I KNOW that it isn't all his fault. Learning how to make good decisions for yourself is the means to having a better life, in spite of whatever bad odds you had to deal with, in my humble opinion. And if tdocs are spending their time in typical parenting stuff and blame, it leads me to think that they have no clue how to help difficult child or they would be doing it.</p><p></p><p>But, JJJ- I'm glad you did what you did with therapist. They need to see how this sends such confusing messages. At least they do to me. If we are supposed to teach our kids to live in mainstream and not have a dysfunctional family, how can we go deeper and deeper into revolving every decision around a family member that is not living in mainstream?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 254745, member: 3699"] Well, it seems to me that it's tdocs and others trying to lay blame somewhere to begin with. The way I look at it, as far as the mental illness and underlying problems, they are no one's fault- not mine or difficult child's. It is his responsibility to learn that he can't handle these things by becoming violent or doing illegal things or suicide or self-destruction. I am more than willing to try different approaches, disciplines, whatever. But ultimately, someday I will not be here and it will do no good for difficult child to have learned to just blame me or anyone else and not have learned how to do what is in his own best interest. To me, blame is a way to justify never doing any better and I don't want to teach him that. I KNOW that it isn't all his fault. Learning how to make good decisions for yourself is the means to having a better life, in spite of whatever bad odds you had to deal with, in my humble opinion. And if tdocs are spending their time in typical parenting stuff and blame, it leads me to think that they have no clue how to help difficult child or they would be doing it. But, JJJ- I'm glad you did what you did with therapist. They need to see how this sends such confusing messages. At least they do to me. If we are supposed to teach our kids to live in mainstream and not have a dysfunctional family, how can we go deeper and deeper into revolving every decision around a family member that is not living in mainstream? [/QUOTE]
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