Father addicted to heroin

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Barbaramoore, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. Barbaramoore

    Barbaramoore New Member

    I know that my father is addicted to heroin. I doubted him first when I saw him showing a difference in behavior. He was getting rude for silliest matter. And then later I found a small packet in his cupboard in which I found this. I consulted a friend of mine who is a doctor to confirm about it. I was shattered when it was confirmed. He doesn't know that I'm aware of it. I do not how to introduce this matter to him. I'm more emotionally attached to my father than my mother. I have even found a good rehab center, Bellwood at Toronto to take him once he agrees that he is an addict. How do I ask him? I'm totally blank and scared because I've read that heroin addiction is the most dangerous out of all. I don't want to tell this to my mother because she'll totally break down.
     
  2. Nature

    Nature Active Member

    My heart goes out to you. I read your thread shortly after you posted and I had no answers for you at that time. After a few hours I'm still not sure of how I would react. I will tell you this. As long as he believes his addiction is a secret he will probably continue as he has been doing.I remember once reading that when things are brought out into the open the addict now has to deal with it as it's no longer theirs alone but affects the whole family. Confronting him in person may be something you are unable to do at this time. Can you write him a letter perhaps and leave it where he will find it? I find sometimes letter writing is good for the soul as it not only allows you to write from the heart without the distraction of the person you are addressing in front of you but it will also allow your dad to approach you when he is ready. I'm not sure of my answers but I do know that one letter I once wrote to my son in Rehab did affect him so that he was successful at that time in his recovery.

    No doubt your dad loves you as you do him and sadly love isn't enough to make them stop. It may be enough for him to make the decision to seek help. Please keep returning to this place where you will feel safe to voice any concerns you have. We are here for you and will provide refuge for your wounded heart.
    Another thought I had is if your dad once realizes you know he may make you promise not to tell your mom and that's a promise you wouldn't be able to keep.More secrets! No family member wants to hear that their loved one has an addiction but I think you shouldn't walk this path alone you need to stand in solidarity with your mom. I'm not a professional so my advice is only based on my experience with my child. Myself and others can only tell you what we would do in your shoes but the choice of how you are going to handle it is ultimately yours. Hugs from me.
     
  3. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi B and welcome to the forum, so sorry for your need to be here. A word of caution, if this is your legal name you may want to change it, this is an anonymous site, but the public does have access. Anonymity allows us to write about some very private things.
    I am so sorry about your recent discovery about your fathers drug use. It cuts to the core of us when we learn of a loved ones addiction.
    There is a very good article on detachment in the P.E. forum, I have linked it below.
    http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/
    Knowledge is power and a very necessary tool to help us navigate this journey we are on with our loved ones. It is because addiction is a very powerful thing, and we have to be careful that we do not lose ourselves in trying to help our beloveds.
    Your father is an adult and will do as he chooses. If he chooses to listen to you and go to rehab, that is great.
    Unfortunately, you do have to be ready for the other choice, that he will deny, or admit the problem, but not be ready to quit. No one can force an adult drug user to stop the madness and choose better.
    I wish it were different.
    One never knows.
    Since you have already noted changes in his behavior, the one thing you have to be careful of is your safety, if and when you decide to speak with him. Please make sure you are in a public place, where you can get help if you need to. That may sound outrageous to you, but when our loved ones are using, behavior can be quite unpredictable. Especially if your dad has been using for awhile. His first reaction may be to deny it adamantly, that is my experience with my two.

    Be prepared for whatever the reaction is. I think honesty is the best policy. So, telling him that you care for him deeply and are concerned for him is one thing to think about. He may be very upset that you went into his cupboard and found the evidence, had it tested. If it were me, I would proceed very cautiously and try to be as brief as possible. It will probably come as a shock to him, at the very least.

    You do have time to sit with your feelings and keep posting here, as well as do some research on the web. Alanon and Naranon groups are helpful. There is much info on the internet. Consider seeing a therapist, it helped me to be able to sit with a professional who had experience and was able to provide me with available resources. For the most part, the concentration was on how I could build myself up to deal with the madness of my adult children's drug use. I encourage you to do the same, the only real control we can have is over ourselves. So please do take some time to strengthen yourself to be ready for whatever the outcome may be.

    Stay with us and keep posting. Most of us here are parents dealing with this issue, not the other way around. Really, it is the same, a loved one is a loved one, be it parent or adult child. My heart goes out to you B. Welcome to the forum.

    One of the best bits of advice I have received here is to slow....way.....down. When we are confronted with the awful truth of our loved ones drug use it sends our hearts and thoughts racing and it feels like something needs to be done right this second.

    In reality we do have time to think things through and sit with our feelings so that we can act with good judgement and prudence.

    Take care dear, and stay with us. This is your journey, as we are on ours, but we all go through similar circumstances at different places along the path.
    We do our utmost to help one another as best we can.

    Take courage and take your time
    one step, one day at a time.

    (((HUGS)))
    leafy
     
Loading...