father in law Passed away last night

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
Thanks so much everyone! H will travel down to FL next Wednesday and stay for about a week. He's still absorbing everything that's happened in the past two weeks...I need to let him digest this before I ask him questions or give him food for thought, so throw in a prayer for to zip my lip, ugh.The kids are all over for dinner tonight, even our quasi-surrogate son from New Haven (he was a friend of easy child/difficult child through school and he's like our son). I'm so glad they are rallying around H. Thanks again.
 

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
Thanks again everyone - your warm thoughts have really helped me this week. Being able to support H and tolerate his mother has been very difficult - too long to explain. But I've read through everyone's posts and they really warm my heart; It's nice to have a place to garner support for things non-difficult child related.

We will be heading down to FL next Wednesday (yes, apparently it is a wifely duty of mine) and I will return Friday, but H will stay on with his mom till the following week. I personally could use the break from it all so I'm happy he will stay behind. I know that sounds mean. Anyway, thanks again!
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Your wifely duties include supporting your husband -that's interpretation. Think of it as allowing your best friend to lean on your shoulder while he's dealing with one of the most hurtful losses of his life, and having to support one of HIS friends that is very difficult (Mother) -Not an easy task for him AT ALL. So when he's extra snippy, extra intolerable, EXTRA rude, EXTRA snide, EXTRA kind to her and seems to be snappy with you? Just remember he's off balance for the moment and it's not really him - it's a version of him that doesn't know HOW to please the two women in his life that he loves most. The key to it all for you is being the woman in that picture that allows him his space, realizes this and just lets him have his moment for the other woman no matter how unbearable it will be. Loosely put - be the bigger woman, zip your lip, smile and nod a lot, and punch the poop out of a lot of pillows but on the outside? You have the demeanor of a princess and never EVER let the paparazi have an ENquirer front page photo moment with ridiculous caption like HNR having meltdown over news that husbands lover is Bigfoot.

You ARE a princess - go and behave like one. And as far as your mother in law? Just be sympathetic, slightly aloof, helpful to your husband.....and not necessarily FOR her....but him. Do things when HE asks you to - not her. Allow her to have her little boy, one last time - and I think you'll see it will be better for you all the way around. NOT normal (nooooooo) but in this circumstance from what you have described? Either play second fiddle for a few days for his sake and yours....OR get into a powerstruggle and have yourself, HIM and her all living in an uproar. This is a battle that no one will win. Think of her as a sick old woman - and let that play in your mind every time you see her. Sick.old.woman. I am a princess helping my husband. No photo ops here. Always a calm demeanor. Placid as new snow. Deep breath in - and out.......smile...smile.......(get the the hotel?) KILL THE PILLOW.....and breath.

THen leave and just know ------you really did all you could to not give her an inch. Her brain is always on auto pilot looking for that inch.....you gave her nada.
 

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
Your wifely duties include supporting your husband -that's interpretation. Think of it as allowing your best friend to lean on your shoulder while he's dealing with one of the most hurtful losses of his life, and having to support one of HIS friends that is very difficult (Mother) -Not an easy task for him AT ALL. So when he's extra snippy, extra intolerable, EXTRA rude, EXTRA snide, EXTRA kind to her and seems to be snappy with you? Just remember he's off balance for the moment and it's not really him - it's a version of him that doesn't know HOW to please the two women in his life that he loves most. The key to it all for you is being the woman in that picture that allows him his space, realizes this and just lets him have his moment for the other woman no matter how unbearable it will be. Loosely put - be the bigger woman, zip your lip, smile and nod a lot, and punch the poop out of a lot of pillows but on the outside? You have the demeanor of a princess and never EVER let the paparazi have an ENquirer front page photo moment with ridiculous caption like HNR having meltdown over news that husbands lover is Bigfoot.

You ARE a princess - go and behave like one. And as far as your mother in law? Just be sympathetic, slightly aloof, helpful to your husband.....and not necessarily FOR her....but him. Do things when HE asks you to - not her. Allow her to have her little boy, one last time - and I think you'll see it will be better for you all the way around. NOT normal (nooooooo) but in this circumstance from what you have described? Either play second fiddle for a few days for his sake and yours....OR get into a powerstruggle and have yourself, HIM and her all living in an uproar. This is a battle that no one will win. Think of her as a sick old woman - and let that play in your mind every time you see her. Sick.old.woman. I am a princess helping my husband. No photo ops here. Always a calm demeanor. Placid as new snow. Deep breath in - and out.......smile...smile.......(get the the hotel?) KILL THE PILLOW.....and breath.

THen leave and just know ------you really did all you could to not give her an inch. Her brain is always on auto pilot looking for that inch.....you gave her nada.

OMG, THANK YOU STAR!!!! This is what I needed to be reminded of. I work myself into a little brain tornado over this doo doo and by the time we are traveling, I've snapped and been difficult. It doesn't help that my PMS is off the charts as well this week. Anyway, thank you, this was like a cold hard slap in the face - JUST what I needed!!!!!
 

Star*

call 911........call 911
Slaps are now $1.00 - (apparently according to the freaky guy at the fleamarket who now wears my hand print? I could make money at it.) How was I supposed to know it was NOT a Bulldog collar? YUK.

Hugs are free......

Midol is $4.99 a box......and if you get a box? I'll deduct the cost of the slap. IT may help the PMS. lol

You're welcome. And if it doesn't work out? (starting a sentence with the word and incorrectly) I can always introduce you to the 'flogger dude' at the market. (if you are so inclined) -seriously, I thought it was a dog collar.
 

DDD

Well-Known Member
"Let her have her little boy" reaks of wisdom. The twenty years or so that she had him in her home are probably the most precious memories she has. During this time of grief, loss and fright that is likely the kindest gift you can keep in mind. I'm sure you can manage all the grace necessary....since you won't have to be there long. Hugs. DDD
 

hearts and roses

Mind Reader
The twenty years or so that she had him in her home are probably the most precious memories she has. I'm sure you can manage all the grace necessary....since you won't have to be there long. Hugs. DDD

Definitely DDD!!! Thank you for the reminder as well. I love you ladies~
 
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