I got a message from my brother about my mom today. Here is how it goes: Brother: Your mother is really missing you. I know you guys have a tough relationship but I would hate to see you lose too much time. You should call her. Me: I will Brother: Good. you can keep it simple so nobody gets a chance to step on toes. Love you. Me: Love you too. It's not the stepping on toes that gets to me it's the depressing poor pitiful me stuff and the guilt trips. Plus after what happened with difficult child it is very hard for me to trust them. I love them but I don't appreciate what happened at all. Brother: I understand and nobody's perfect but all flaws aside they love you. They love their grand daughters as well and I am sure you were all put in a bit of an impossible situation. Me: I know. I will call her tonight or tomorrow. So now I am mad. I can't explain the situation with my mom and dad to my brother. He just won't get it and it isn't just because he is a man it is because he hasn't lived the experience. He is not a parent. As soon as he graduated high school he moved out and never moved back. He didn't take care of mom for years while she was a mental mess and he probably doesn't know a 1/4th of what has gone on. He has lived far enough away for all this time that he rarely even visits. Plus, even though it hurts me greatly to not be a part of my family my brother has never been interested in my mother and I's issues. For years when I would try to talk to him about it his comment was either no comment or I don't want to be in the middle of this. I long ago decided not to waste my time talking to him about it. He didn't want to know and even when he did listen he didn't understand or felt it was my job to ignore it and move on. My biggest issue is that my mom and dad are the type to just hide the anger. I'm tired of that. They hurt me and I am tired of pretending they didn't. My brother is finally getting married and I am the odd man out. I didn't even find out until it got posted on FB. I don't know when I would have found out about the wedding if I hadn't called. He is getting married in Cancun and we are killing ourselves to get the money together for it. However when we get there it will be misery for me because my parents will either decide to put on the happy face and hide it orrrrrrrrrrr my mother will get drunk and weepy. I will spend the whole time on egg shells waiting for the drama to start. easy child will spend the time in misery because my mom rides her about her weight. difficult child will be in heaven because they are her people and they give her anything she wants. I DO NOT WANT TO RUIN HIS WEDDING!! He isn't a bad person he just doesn't get it and I don't blame him because he has no reason to understand it. Then in the back of my mind I am also wondering if my mom put him up to trying to draw me into talks. He has that ability to easily detach though and that makes me think he wouldn't put up with her pulling anything on him. He's good at just telling her that he doesn't want to listen to it. Of course he is also good at telling me that.