"Fear is the mind killer." That is from one of the Dune series books. I don't remember the rest of the quote. It was about the necessity of envisioning fear and walking away, leaving it behind you, along with your tracks in the sand.
The nature of the fear we face, here on the site, ignites basic maternal instinct. It's a genetic thing, a thing evolved over eons to preserve the race. Think for a minute about what you know of maternal instinct. That is the color, the depth, the scent of what we cope with here. We are the moms. Something is deeply wrong. We can't even name it most times. That is why we can't eat, can't sleep, can't think. That wild, primal urge to protect is loose in us.
But to end the danger to our offspring, we would have to kill them, ourselves.
Though my kids are ridiculously beyond infant or child stage, I still react that same way. When we learned difficult child daughter had been beat over hours, had been dragged into a back room and left for dead...I can't tell you where that imagery brought me.
I can't tell you the helplessness, the protectiveness it awakened, the bottomless lust of vengeance it called.
I still feel it.
It drives me wild, makes me crazy.
I don't think we lose that maternal instinct to preserve the life of our offspring at all costs until our offspring are successful. Until they are strong and able to care for themselves. Whether that happens at twelve or at forty, I don't think we detach from that instinctual response until the kids are okay, are fully capable of fending for themselves. For those parents like us, whose offspring lurch from one danger to the next, a kind of coping mechanism is evolved over time. But for those whose children are still so young, for those whose kids still have a chance, that primal maternal response to danger is all we know, all we think about, almost who we become.
That is why it is mandatory to learn the skill of detachment. We are fighting a genetic imperative built into us to preserve the species.
I will try to find the rest of that quote.
I have found strength there, through the years.
Cedar