Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Feedback - Residential Treatment/Therapeutic Boarding Schools
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 335512" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>DadFirst, </p><p></p><p>My son is now 19 - and currently living with us (long LONG story) </p><p></p><p>I'll try to condense this for you if you think any of this would help your situation let me know. </p><p></p><p>Age 5 - State psychiatric hospital -3 months (went after neighbor boy with a scythe screaming I'll kill you) for looking in our dog door and wanting to play with him and another boy in our den. We couldn't get him calmed down after 3 hours of yelling, screaming, trashing the house, breaking things. Got to hospital ER and after waiting 3 hours? He trashed the waiting room, tried to beat up 2 security cops, trashed an ER room and was finally handcuffed to a bed. Transported in handcuffs to psychiatric hospital in a K-9 van due to lack of police vehicles. Put on medications.</p><p></p><p>From there? </p><p>County Mental health - suspended from 3rd grade for fighting and knocking a child out cold. Several more incidents of behavior, I lost my 1st job he was suspended, I tried to work out of my house. Put into alternative school, several more incidents at school - suspension - I lost my 2nd job. 40k a year with car, expense acct. He went back to psychiatric hospital for a 2 month stay. medications tweaked.</p><p></p><p>From there we were able to get into an organization for the most severely disturbed children in the state of SC. They were supposed to be the bestof the best and help with resources, financial aid, counselors, psychiatrists. In some ways it did help to have their backing and knowledge. Most of the time I educated them, from things I learned here, and research I did on line in my own state. After that what I would tell you is I was told my son was getting help, what we got for the next 10 years was basically that my son was warehoused. Kept out of everyone's way - learned nothing, did not get a diploma, and got an education of an unsavory sort from children who had no parents, if they did have parents they certainly didn't care or were way worse off than us. It was few and far between that we met other parents on "parent's" night that were involved - in ten,eleven years maybe three other couples. </p><p></p><p>So after seven psychiatric hospitals,(purposeful) ten locked Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stays,(worthless) four group homes,(worthless) wrap services ( ABSOLUTELY worthless), therapists (worthless), respite with trained weekend people (really helpful), psychiatrists (worthless) and and one foster care*(don't even get me started) Department of Juvenile Justice,(in my son's words - like Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but more like day care) county jail twice (in my son's words -not so bad), probation (in my son's words - this is the worst thing in my life), and felony charges(this keeps him straight believe it or not-the thought of 6 years in state prison not so fun), and one VERY GOOD family psychologist that we saw twice a week for over six years (EXCELLENT EXCELLENT EXCELLENT)? If we had to do it over again? I would tell you first that we did the best we could with what we knew. That said - </p><p></p><p>If I knew then what I know now? </p><p>I would have fought harder against the policies of the alternative school and made them do their job. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would have never been something that lasted more than 3 months ever. Why? Because that would have been three months our entire family spent away from our phenominal psychologist. Out of all the medications (sixty five by the way) the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, the hospitals, the therapists that came and went - OMG and there were tons - this profession has a higher turn over rate than just about any job market I've ever seen. Which means about the time your kid GETS to know a person and opens up? BANG -----they leave and the kid has to start all over with someone new, telling their story over and over? Eventually these kids just clam up and stop talking. Can't blame them. After talking to therapist after therapist about my abuse with my ex? I got tired of telling every new person that came into our county mental health. So I quit talking. It was counter productive, frustrating and you start thinking - "Am I so unimportant that no one cares?" Oh sure - they tell the kids "I have talked to the new psychiatrist about your case." WELL HECK - thanks for telling them about me....HIPPA prevents that." and they shut down. Kids don't want to talk about it over and over and over. Neither do abused adults. </p><p></p><p>So my thoughts after 15 years of having one of the most difficult children most "professionals" has ever dealt with - He's been kicked out of several of those Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s....<img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/faint.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":faint:" title="faint :faint:" data-shortname=":faint:" /> I would tell you Staff there? Not much training. IF you ask? They lie. Their turnover very high too. Think about it - who really wants to deal with that? No one - you don't. </p><p></p><p>I think what our kids and us as parents can use more than anything is a break so we can go to work.....and the kids to school. A place for the kids to GO to school and know they aren't going to get kicked out - and a place for them to go when they can't handle it. Something to do at night when they are done with school to keep them busy - that does NOT involve us - and a break on the weekends. </p><p></p><p>Dude did best with a big brother person on the weekends. When one was available? ANd he had a shadow at school? Went to counseling it wasn't great but it was family-dooable. Also WE (parents) had to LEARN how to be his parents. That was key to living with a kid like this. YOu think....AH I can live with this kid IF he would .........and that thinking will get you no where. Rethinking ......How can I communicate effectively so that I can get this kid to? retraining YOUR thought patterns is WAY easier and lots less frustrating....yet we fight that every day. WHY? Patterns....we just think our kids should do XXX ......we never think about changing ourselves and how we react. Easier to teach ourselves effective communication to get results than it is to get water from a rock. Works quicker too. </p><p></p><p>You are welcome to pick my brain - Dudes pretty open about his experiences too. He's mostly over being sent off his whole life. He knows we did it to help. I thought at the time it did. At one point one place wouldn't let us see him for 10 months. We talked but it was horrible. Never again......but what did I know? I just loved my kid and would and DID do anything to help. </p><p></p><p>Hope this helps you. </p><p>Best of luck. </p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 335512, member: 4964"] DadFirst, My son is now 19 - and currently living with us (long LONG story) I'll try to condense this for you if you think any of this would help your situation let me know. Age 5 - State psychiatric hospital -3 months (went after neighbor boy with a scythe screaming I'll kill you) for looking in our dog door and wanting to play with him and another boy in our den. We couldn't get him calmed down after 3 hours of yelling, screaming, trashing the house, breaking things. Got to hospital ER and after waiting 3 hours? He trashed the waiting room, tried to beat up 2 security cops, trashed an ER room and was finally handcuffed to a bed. Transported in handcuffs to psychiatric hospital in a K-9 van due to lack of police vehicles. Put on medications. From there? County Mental health - suspended from 3rd grade for fighting and knocking a child out cold. Several more incidents of behavior, I lost my 1st job he was suspended, I tried to work out of my house. Put into alternative school, several more incidents at school - suspension - I lost my 2nd job. 40k a year with car, expense acct. He went back to psychiatric hospital for a 2 month stay. medications tweaked. From there we were able to get into an organization for the most severely disturbed children in the state of SC. They were supposed to be the bestof the best and help with resources, financial aid, counselors, psychiatrists. In some ways it did help to have their backing and knowledge. Most of the time I educated them, from things I learned here, and research I did on line in my own state. After that what I would tell you is I was told my son was getting help, what we got for the next 10 years was basically that my son was warehoused. Kept out of everyone's way - learned nothing, did not get a diploma, and got an education of an unsavory sort from children who had no parents, if they did have parents they certainly didn't care or were way worse off than us. It was few and far between that we met other parents on "parent's" night that were involved - in ten,eleven years maybe three other couples. So after seven psychiatric hospitals,(purposeful) ten locked Residential Treatment Center (RTC) stays,(worthless) four group homes,(worthless) wrap services ( ABSOLUTELY worthless), therapists (worthless), respite with trained weekend people (really helpful), psychiatrists (worthless) and and one foster care*(don't even get me started) Department of Juvenile Justice,(in my son's words - like Residential Treatment Center (RTC) but more like day care) county jail twice (in my son's words -not so bad), probation (in my son's words - this is the worst thing in my life), and felony charges(this keeps him straight believe it or not-the thought of 6 years in state prison not so fun), and one VERY GOOD family psychologist that we saw twice a week for over six years (EXCELLENT EXCELLENT EXCELLENT)? If we had to do it over again? I would tell you first that we did the best we could with what we knew. That said - If I knew then what I know now? I would have fought harder against the policies of the alternative school and made them do their job. Residential Treatment Center (RTC) would have never been something that lasted more than 3 months ever. Why? Because that would have been three months our entire family spent away from our phenominal psychologist. Out of all the medications (sixty five by the way) the Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s, the hospitals, the therapists that came and went - OMG and there were tons - this profession has a higher turn over rate than just about any job market I've ever seen. Which means about the time your kid GETS to know a person and opens up? BANG -----they leave and the kid has to start all over with someone new, telling their story over and over? Eventually these kids just clam up and stop talking. Can't blame them. After talking to therapist after therapist about my abuse with my ex? I got tired of telling every new person that came into our county mental health. So I quit talking. It was counter productive, frustrating and you start thinking - "Am I so unimportant that no one cares?" Oh sure - they tell the kids "I have talked to the new psychiatrist about your case." WELL HECK - thanks for telling them about me....HIPPA prevents that." and they shut down. Kids don't want to talk about it over and over and over. Neither do abused adults. So my thoughts after 15 years of having one of the most difficult children most "professionals" has ever dealt with - He's been kicked out of several of those Residential Treatment Center (RTC)'s....:knockedout: I would tell you Staff there? Not much training. IF you ask? They lie. Their turnover very high too. Think about it - who really wants to deal with that? No one - you don't. I think what our kids and us as parents can use more than anything is a break so we can go to work.....and the kids to school. A place for the kids to GO to school and know they aren't going to get kicked out - and a place for them to go when they can't handle it. Something to do at night when they are done with school to keep them busy - that does NOT involve us - and a break on the weekends. Dude did best with a big brother person on the weekends. When one was available? ANd he had a shadow at school? Went to counseling it wasn't great but it was family-dooable. Also WE (parents) had to LEARN how to be his parents. That was key to living with a kid like this. YOu think....AH I can live with this kid IF he would .........and that thinking will get you no where. Rethinking ......How can I communicate effectively so that I can get this kid to? retraining YOUR thought patterns is WAY easier and lots less frustrating....yet we fight that every day. WHY? Patterns....we just think our kids should do XXX ......we never think about changing ourselves and how we react. Easier to teach ourselves effective communication to get results than it is to get water from a rock. Works quicker too. You are welcome to pick my brain - Dudes pretty open about his experiences too. He's mostly over being sent off his whole life. He knows we did it to help. I thought at the time it did. At one point one place wouldn't let us see him for 10 months. We talked but it was horrible. Never again......but what did I know? I just loved my kid and would and DID do anything to help. Hope this helps you. Best of luck. Star [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
Feedback - Residential Treatment/Therapeutic Boarding Schools
Top