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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 238371" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">{{{KJs}}} There isn't a counselor alive in the entire world who can fix this for you. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">YOU (and hopefully H) need to fix this. The purpose of seeing a counselor is to help you find better awareness into what changes YOU need to make in your reaction and behaviors and attitude towards yourself and your family and the way your house runs....and then....help you recognize your own strength to make those changes. KEEP GOING!!!! </span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">If not with H, go alone, go together...it will be difficult and maybe even worse before it is better. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">But really, to give up is not okay...in one year from now you could be in a complete different, healthier, better place emotionally and mentally....OR...you could be exactly where you are right now, or worse. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">You've only just begun to fight for yourself.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Of course, difficult child is going to blame you. You're rocking the boat. But he is a kid and doesn't clearly understand all the aspects of a marriage such as yours. And it's none of his business. He isn't and should not be privy to all the intricacies of your marriage, or or out of the bedroom. IOW, Tough Carp that he wants to know what the problems are - you just tell him flat out that it's an adult situation, you and H are working on it, and that he is not allowed to ask you about it anymore. Tell him you will fill him in on what you're willing to share with him on an 'as needed' basis. For now, he has to trust.</span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">As for the basic rules, sweetie, you are sooooo not being unreasonable. Four hours on the computer a day?? My God, my difficult child would have kissed my feet for that!! Maximum time allowed on the computer Sunday through Thursday was only 2 hours and Fri/Sat was only 3 hours. And that included homework, internet or game time. More than enough in my opinion. Four hours - I am blown away. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">Obviously, H and difficult child have gotten away with far too much for far too long and now that you're pulling in the reigns, they are balking...no surprises there, kjs. You just keep at it. It will tire you and some days (like today) you will want to give it up and just throw up your hands, and throw in the towel. Hang in there. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">You may not win the battle against them, but you will have won the battle against yourself....standing up for yourself, doing what you believe in, what you know is right and just. And it's not just about the chores for 30 minutes or 4 hours of computer time - it's about you taking a stand. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">You must remember that, difficult child or not, he is still a boy. He is a teenager. Even a easy child would be balking at a change in the rules, at more expectations. Too bad. You're the MOM. He is the KID. YOUR house, YOUR rules. It's difficult to enforce rules if H isn't at least following suit or wholeheartedly in agreement, which I know he's not - too much work for him. </span></span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-family: 'Comic Sans MS'"><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkslateblue">KJs - seek out encouragement any way you can. Do this for yourself and please don't give up!! Sending major hugs, support and strength!</span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 238371, member: 2211"] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]{{{KJs}}} There isn't a counselor alive in the entire world who can fix this for you. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]YOU (and hopefully H) need to fix this. The purpose of seeing a counselor is to help you find better awareness into what changes YOU need to make in your reaction and behaviors and attitude towards yourself and your family and the way your house runs....and then....help you recognize your own strength to make those changes. KEEP GOING!!!! [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]If not with H, go alone, go together...it will be difficult and maybe even worse before it is better. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]But really, to give up is not okay...in one year from now you could be in a complete different, healthier, better place emotionally and mentally....OR...you could be exactly where you are right now, or worse. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]You've only just begun to fight for yourself.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Of course, difficult child is going to blame you. You're rocking the boat. But he is a kid and doesn't clearly understand all the aspects of a marriage such as yours. And it's none of his business. He isn't and should not be privy to all the intricacies of your marriage, or or out of the bedroom. IOW, Tough Carp that he wants to know what the problems are - you just tell him flat out that it's an adult situation, you and H are working on it, and that he is not allowed to ask you about it anymore. Tell him you will fill him in on what you're willing to share with him on an 'as needed' basis. For now, he has to trust.[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]As for the basic rules, sweetie, you are sooooo not being unreasonable. Four hours on the computer a day?? My God, my difficult child would have kissed my feet for that!! Maximum time allowed on the computer Sunday through Thursday was only 2 hours and Fri/Sat was only 3 hours. And that included homework, internet or game time. More than enough in my opinion. Four hours - I am blown away. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]Obviously, H and difficult child have gotten away with far too much for far too long and now that you're pulling in the reigns, they are balking...no surprises there, kjs. You just keep at it. It will tire you and some days (like today) you will want to give it up and just throw up your hands, and throw in the towel. Hang in there. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]You may not win the battle against them, but you will have won the battle against yourself....standing up for yourself, doing what you believe in, what you know is right and just. And it's not just about the chores for 30 minutes or 4 hours of computer time - it's about you taking a stand. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]You must remember that, difficult child or not, he is still a boy. He is a teenager. Even a easy child would be balking at a change in the rules, at more expectations. Too bad. You're the MOM. He is the KID. YOUR house, YOUR rules. It's difficult to enforce rules if H isn't at least following suit or wholeheartedly in agreement, which I know he's not - too much work for him. [/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][SIZE=3][COLOR=darkslateblue]KJs - seek out encouragement any way you can. Do this for yourself and please don't give up!! Sending major hugs, support and strength![/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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