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<blockquote data-quote="totoro" data-source="post: 238441" data-attributes="member: 3155"><p>I think everyone is so right on. </p><p>One thing I think you really have to hold onto and we our taught early on with our kids, but tend to lose sight of when we are in crisis mode is, do not engage them. </p><p>When they are screaming at you, when they are calling you names, when difficult child is telling you he hates you. When H is telling you have caused all of this or that he did nothing, do not give any of them the satisfaction of raising your voice, deep breath, calm inside, think for a moment. </p><p>Either walk away if it is too much or just say something like, "I am not discussing this right now" "I am not talking to you when you are disrespect me like this"</p><p>"When you can talk to me like and equal, then I will discuss this"</p><p></p><p>ANy of those things that will let them, especially H know that you are not playing the games. </p><p>Why bother, right now anyway. Talk at the therapist's where it is safe. </p><p>They are not listening anyway. </p><p>Do not engage them. </p><p>For now if difficult child will not listen or do what you want just say fine, walk away. But tell him to not ask for anything from you until he can start respecting you. Period. </p><p>Offer to help him, but he needs to start listening and respecting, period. </p><p>But you will have to let him fail, on his own. Leave it to him and H if they will not work with you under your conditions. No arguing.</p><p>Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="totoro, post: 238441, member: 3155"] I think everyone is so right on. One thing I think you really have to hold onto and we our taught early on with our kids, but tend to lose sight of when we are in crisis mode is, do not engage them. When they are screaming at you, when they are calling you names, when difficult child is telling you he hates you. When H is telling you have caused all of this or that he did nothing, do not give any of them the satisfaction of raising your voice, deep breath, calm inside, think for a moment. Either walk away if it is too much or just say something like, "I am not discussing this right now" "I am not talking to you when you are disrespect me like this" "When you can talk to me like and equal, then I will discuss this" ANy of those things that will let them, especially H know that you are not playing the games. Why bother, right now anyway. Talk at the therapist's where it is safe. They are not listening anyway. Do not engage them. For now if difficult child will not listen or do what you want just say fine, walk away. But tell him to not ask for anything from you until he can start respecting you. Period. Offer to help him, but he needs to start listening and respecting, period. But you will have to let him fail, on his own. Leave it to him and H if they will not work with you under your conditions. No arguing. Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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