Feel like an idiot

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by rlsnights, Feb 22, 2011.

  1. rlsnights

    rlsnights New Member

    So after the police came Friday and we talked about the truancy people visiting the house this week, guess who was up at 7:15 and was delivered to school by 8:15???

    difficult child 2 that's who.

    He was still up last night at midnight pacing the floor because he couldn't sleep. He said his mind was going round and round, worrying about today. I finally gave him 1/2 a clonopin (his psychiatrist has OK'd this in the past) and I think he went to sleep around 2 am. So he slept about 5 hours. The 3 days before that he slept around 12 - 16 hours each day.

    The RSP walked in while I was in the lobby and looked floored when I told her difficult child 2 was at school. I told her I thought we should still go ahead with the assessment and she agreed wholeheartedly. So I signed the form for that.

    I feel like an idiot at the moment. Like he has manipulated us for months here and we have let him get away with it. I *know* he has mental health issues but now I feel like I have no clue what's really going on with him.

    When the RSP were doing the form I told her I didn't want him to change schools. This has been her push in the past, that he wasn't coming to school because he didn't want to be at that school. I told her that I felt that school was going to give him a good education and that he would benefit from being there. And I'm not convinced he wouldn't have the same issues at any other school.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip

    Don't feel like an idiot!!! Sometimes, our kids can and do pull it together. (And some of them just snow those who do not live with them.)

    As for not knowing what's going on with him - HUGS! 'Cause if we knew what was going on, maybe we'd know what to do, and wouldn't need this site, psychiatrists, RTCs, medications, and so on...
  3. shellyd67

    shellyd67 Active Member

    I agree with Step. It is all a learning process.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    So not an idiot! I think it showed you took a step in the right direction. It got difficult child 2 to thinking about what is important right now. What does he really want? You are doing very good.

    It may not be the same tomorrow but again it just may. I think he is not ready to face the challenge that the RSP is bringing. He is trying to get you to go backwards one step to where he feels the most comfort to give him time to figure out how to confront the RSP factor. You did exactly the right thing in going ahead with this and being strong in your choice of education.

    GOOD JOB YOU!!!!
  5. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You are NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT an idiot!!! What difficult child getting up and going to school means is that YOU WON TODAY!!!!! YOU got him to do what he was refusing to do for a day!!!!! That is HUGE!!!!!!!!

    Of course the evaluation needs to happen. He went with the program because you changed it on him by bringing in the RSP person - he doesn't know how to work around her yet so he is going along until he works it out. The key is to not let him have too much wiggle room with her.

    You so FAR from were an idiot - other side of the universe far!!! Now you know that bringing in different elements will help motivate him and you can start to work with that.

    Give yourself a pat on the back and a splurge or reward of some kind today - just for you!!
  6. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911


    Do you know that some of the most intelligent people in the world cant and don't sleep when everyone else does? It's true. I would so be happier sleeping all day and being up all night. Actually took a course in driving to get a CDL and hope and pray I drive all nights - because for years it seems that I drag all day and get my burst of energy around 9-10ish...and fight to go to sleep? Not saying I'm in that most intelligent category, but a lot of people just can't get their rythms right and have high anxiety over it. HIGH anxiety especially when your parents are yelling "WILL YOU GO TO BED? TURN OUT THE LIGHT, SHUT OFF THE TV. TURN OFF THE VIDEO GAME, WILL YOU PUHLEAAASE SHUT THAT STEREO OFF?"

    I'm not sure it it's a person thing, or a teen thing or what - but for years I fought with my son against what we were sure was manipulation on his part. We would give him clonodine, and all other kinds of medicines to make him fall asleep. I'm even guilty of giving him cough syrup as his request so he would get some sleep for school. He said it was like his brain just would not shut off. I can honestly say I have had those racing thoughts more and more recently, but since I've had therapy? I have been given some tools and exercise to curb them, and most times they help me stop them before I am sitting up all night with worry about "I'm unemployed almost a year, how do I pay this months bills, I have no money, Df is yadda yadda yadda..."

    I can't imagine for a child even a teen - with limited coping skills and NO tools to use or even maybe having the tools but fighting it because well all adults are idiots and therapists are dumb and anything they tell kids to do is voodoo...can be any less stressful? Think about it. I'm not convinced your son is trying to manipulate you 100%. Do I think there is some manipulation? Sure - hes.a.kid. Do I think he is able to turn off his brain? Nope. I think that part is very real. My son will tell me still - he is happier sleeping all day and being up all night. He's 20. It's like his clock has been off since birth. So instead of fighting it? I told him to get a night job. Part of the problem solved. In your sons case for now? He has to find a way to adjust - for school - and that's not easy, because he's fighting against biology. His own. I would bet - if there was a night school, and he could sleep all day? He'd excell. I don't see him as someone who is asking to get in trouble. I think he's got high anxiety issues, and if he doesn't have a therapist - he needs one. If he has one and doesn't like them? Get someone he does like, can talk to - and trust and open up to about what is really bugging him and causing him all the (inside feeling like he's going to explode and head feeling like it won't shut off, constantly thinking never stop, going, going, going....and can't shut down) There are probably methods and breathing techniques (I know he's going to look at the therapist at first and go I'm outta here this is lame as lame can be - I'm not doing yoga junk..) but really my son was taught some of these breathing exerciese and at first he refused to even try and after a while? Now he uses them and they really help him calm down, and help him to unwind. He was also taught other things that he didn't share with me other than - going for walks, and lifting weights. He's doing things that he will only tell me - Dr. X told me to do and I thought this won't work - and it does. He's not a health nut - but he stopped drinking a lot of soda, and eating junk and sugar too - and he did it on his own. At the doctors suggestions - NOT telling - just wonder what would happen if......

    Another thing to try is learning how to talk to your teen. Sounds like it's off the grid I know - but I had a friend here send me a book and I swear I should get a commission for recommending this thing but it's really an eye opener. It's how to talk so your teen will listen and how to listen so your teen will talk - it did wonders witout my son KNOWING I even was trying. He even remarked one day that I must be doing something good in therapy because I was nicer. Lol...(ahem - yeah I'll take that) Sometimes it's not what you say but how you say it and this book really helps. Just don't ever let him know you got it.

    As far as being an idiot. Well - if I had a nickle for every day I felt like a bad parent or a dumb Mom? - I would have a new car, new house, I'd probably be basking in the son of San Tropez right now and not writing to you and wouldn't have any sage advice to offer. So good thing that at least once in a while we humble ourselves by questioning our parenting. However - I maintain and did purchase the bumper sticker for my ex before we divorced that said - 'Somewhere a village is missing their idiot' and put it on the back of his vehicle. So I'm fairly certain the job of village idiot is taken.

    Have an awesome rest of the week - and keep your chin up. Seriously though? I think I would find a way for you and your son to either get some sleepy time exercises working for him like after school activities that just wear him out flat - like a gym membership, with pumping iron, and running, and then maybe a karate class - something strenuous beyond his adreneline level to wear him out, then a routine of a healthy dinner, nice hot shower, calm home atmosphere - and if necessary some calming tea or something like that - no video or tv - maybe some stretching or yoga before bed - and then if necessary fiind out how early he would have to take any medications for him to FALL asleep at an appropriate bed time - like me - If I need to fall asleep at 9:00 PM I have to take something around 5:00 - it takes that long for me to get sleepy? But maybe with him and a really hard work out? It wouldn't need any medications at all?

    Hope this helps -
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    It shows that difficult child 2 WANTS to comply. He was able to find the energy to do it today. One day at a time.
  8. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    Absolutely go forward with the evaluation. The fact that he was able to pull it together ONCE does not mean the rest of his history was all your imagination. He will likely not be able to comply day in and day out in his current less-than-fully-stable condition. And this allows you to take a small mental break from the worry while you wait for the process to begin.

    difficult child 2 will go through the same pattern with sleep (he typically goes 12-15 hours if allowed to sleep until he wakes on his own) and restlessness when exicited or anxious about something.

    Hang in there!