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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 140120" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>been there done that and sending hugs. I've had so many family members tell me about different books, programs and techniques so I can "cure" difficult child. Granted, they mean well but they have no clue. </p><p></p><p>I remember a time the summer after we got difficult child. I was "trying out" a friend of mine as a summer sitter for difficult child. We had been at her house before socially and even though I warned her, she was insistant that she could handle him. I tried to explain that difficult child at her house for a social (fun) visit, was sooooooo different that difficult child there all day with her as "boss" but she was adamant. I knew it wasn't going to end well but I didn't have any other options at the time. I worked at a credit union that just happened to be down the street from her house. It wasn't more than 2 or 3 days into this trial week and I was in the cu's PRESIDENT'S office when I looked out the window. There, on the porch of the building was this woman, red faced and in tears (anger tears) and her husband who was carrying an equally red faced and crying (frustration/melt down tears) difficult child. That was the last day she watched him and she never really talked to me again. (turns out that wasn't actually that bad of a thing but I still felt horrible at the time) </p><p></p><p>I don't know what people think when you as a parent (and the person that is with them the most) try to explain your difficult child. In our case, I think people thought I was really exaggerating since husband and I had no other kids and took difficult child in as a foster child when he was 9. Apparently because we were first time parents, we were idiots. difficult child's psychiatrist at the time (who we HAD to keep through the transition) was even very patronizing. I had issues with difficult child using the inside of the toilet lid for "bank shots" and after a couple of times, I started making difficult child clean the entire toilet everytime he did it. When I told the doctor about the problem and how I handled it, you would have thought I was a toddler who just made stinky in the big girl toilet for the first time. I got all this praise and affirmation but it was done in such a way and tone of voice that he made me feel like a complete idiot who figured out something no one expected me to. I'm sorry but just because I'm a first time parent, it doesn't mean that I've never seen or been around a child before. </p><p></p><p>The next time a friend or family member approaches you with something I would tell them this. "Thank you so much for your concern for difficult child. I'll check out the book/video/program and discuss it with difficult child's DOCTORS. If we think it will work with his TREATMENT PROGRAM, we may implement some of it." Obviously, you don't have to heavily emphasize the capitalized words but by putting those words in there, you are (trying to anyway, some people are still really dense) getting the point across that the situation is serious enough there are actual doctors involved and it's not just you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 140120, member: 2459"] been there done that and sending hugs. I've had so many family members tell me about different books, programs and techniques so I can "cure" difficult child. Granted, they mean well but they have no clue. I remember a time the summer after we got difficult child. I was "trying out" a friend of mine as a summer sitter for difficult child. We had been at her house before socially and even though I warned her, she was insistant that she could handle him. I tried to explain that difficult child at her house for a social (fun) visit, was sooooooo different that difficult child there all day with her as "boss" but she was adamant. I knew it wasn't going to end well but I didn't have any other options at the time. I worked at a credit union that just happened to be down the street from her house. It wasn't more than 2 or 3 days into this trial week and I was in the cu's PRESIDENT'S office when I looked out the window. There, on the porch of the building was this woman, red faced and in tears (anger tears) and her husband who was carrying an equally red faced and crying (frustration/melt down tears) difficult child. That was the last day she watched him and she never really talked to me again. (turns out that wasn't actually that bad of a thing but I still felt horrible at the time) I don't know what people think when you as a parent (and the person that is with them the most) try to explain your difficult child. In our case, I think people thought I was really exaggerating since husband and I had no other kids and took difficult child in as a foster child when he was 9. Apparently because we were first time parents, we were idiots. difficult child's psychiatrist at the time (who we HAD to keep through the transition) was even very patronizing. I had issues with difficult child using the inside of the toilet lid for "bank shots" and after a couple of times, I started making difficult child clean the entire toilet everytime he did it. When I told the doctor about the problem and how I handled it, you would have thought I was a toddler who just made stinky in the big girl toilet for the first time. I got all this praise and affirmation but it was done in such a way and tone of voice that he made me feel like a complete idiot who figured out something no one expected me to. I'm sorry but just because I'm a first time parent, it doesn't mean that I've never seen or been around a child before. The next time a friend or family member approaches you with something I would tell them this. "Thank you so much for your concern for difficult child. I'll check out the book/video/program and discuss it with difficult child's DOCTORS. If we think it will work with his TREATMENT PROGRAM, we may implement some of it." Obviously, you don't have to heavily emphasize the capitalized words but by putting those words in there, you are (trying to anyway, some people are still really dense) getting the point across that the situation is serious enough there are actual doctors involved and it's not just you. [/QUOTE]
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