Feeling a lot of pure HATRED in my heart...

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by PatriotsGirl, May 6, 2013.

  1. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    That POS SOB sperm donor hired a lawyer for difficult child.

    I have never, ever hated anyone more in my entire life....I would dance and sing if he died today.
  2. AnnieO

    AnnieO Shooting from the Hip


    OK, he's been keeping you informed, and now this?

    Maybe the lawyer will talk her into the rehab.

  3. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    I texted him asking if he heard from difficult child over the weekend and he said briefly but they were cut off before they could really talk. He then told me he is reluctant to talk to me about anything to do with the case because I have my opinions of him and proceeds to tell me how he hired a lawyer for her and liked what the lawyer had to say and blah, blah, blah. I went off on him. Told him he was being completely selfish and has no clue what is best for difficult child and the baby. She is going to use the minute she gets out. She has proven that she cannot stay away from it.

    No one could offer as much help as they were going to give her and who is going to pay for it??? HIM - who lives in motels and doesn't have a REAL job????

    He proceeded to tell me it is MY fault that she is an addict, etc. What a POS. He is still fighting drug arrests and HE knows what is best for my daughter??? OMG. And he is telling ME that I am dumb as a brick...
  4. Calamity Jane

    Calamity Jane Well-Known Member

    Could POS be bluffing just because he knows it'll drive you crazy? I know he could afford it if he was selling, but if he's still living in motels, etc., I doubt he has that kind of money saved up.
  5. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    How can he afford to hire an attorney?
  6. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    You may need to show up again for the next court date... so that this "lawyer" can her your letter, too... and understand that if he gets her "off", that he is essentially destroying two lives... ?? Beyond that... all I can send is hugs. I'd be beyond livid, too.
  7. AmericanGirl

    AmericanGirl Member

    Geez....stupidity truly has no bounds. I'm very sorry, PG.

    Do they ever get a guardian ad lietum (sp?) for an unborn child?

    Praying the judge ignores this fool.
  8. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Hating him with you......I'm truly sorry but hopefully the court will still do the right thing.
  9. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    He is an idiot. We have been texting back and forth all day. He wants to get rehab and counseling as bond conditions instead of signing up for the program. I asked him who is going to pay for it then?? Bank of Mom is CLOSED. They are offering this wonderful pack of programs and picking up the cost and he wants to mess with that?? I could claw his eyes out. It's all about HIM and HE wants to be near her and the baby and what about HIM? UGH. He offered a meeting with the lawyer - I said fine, give me his name and tell him he has permission to talk to me. Nothing. Hmm. Tells me he is not living in motels anymore and gives me an address - I Google it, it is part of a portfolio currently up for sale. He says he has income and will send me bank statements to prove it. I look up his insurance license - expired. Yeah, momma is not dumb...I cannot believe this fool is just a few years younger than me...

    I missed another call from difficult child. I couldn't understand the whole V Connect thing so it got rejected. I did put money on the account in case she tries back. I would at least like to hear what she has to say. I really hope I didn't pay 25 bucks for her to tell me off and to never contact her again...
  10. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Sleep on it, PG. Let the height of emotion ebb a bit. In the morning make a list of what is being offered free from professionals who will carefully monitor difficult child and her unborn child and what Ex is suggesting that will have costs attached. Print out articles from the Net about the impact on the fetus...HIS grandfetus as well as yours. Gather all the info just like you are preparing for a college exam and then write a cover letter and mail or fax it to him.

    "Dear X,
    As you well know it is difficult for you and I to coparent difficult child. We both, however, want what is best for her AND for our unborn grandchild. These are the reasons that I am so adamant that "the system" can best serve her needs and protect the baby from future harm. Please read the enclosed and then, if you are willing, we can attempt one more time to get on the same page for difficult child and our first grandchild."

    I'm not saying it will work BUT I am positive from years of having as Ex who wants to "trump me" that arguing and dreaming of hit men will NOT help the situtation. been there done that. Sending hugs your way. DDD
  11. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    What lawyer is going to take that case without money up front which he doesn't have. Even if she has a lawyer PG, you have talked to the prosecutor and she has to agree to anything.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    PG...I dont see how on earth this dude could actually afford to hire a lawyer and if there is a lawyer that shows up, I would whisper in the prosecutors ear that boyfriend has no legal means of support and he is fighting drug charges himself and his only job is as a drug dealer as far as you have been told. Obviously that would let them know that if your daughter gets let out into his care what the environment would be.

    I also like the idea about asking about a GAL for the unborn baby. Cant hurt to ask.
  13. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Hi DDD - this is not an ex - I don't have an ex. I am with difficult child's adoptive father. :) This is her boyfriend - baby daddy - that went and hired a lawyer. He claims he has income from his previous insurance work. I don't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. Doesn't sound like he has any set plan in place and was even clueless that if it is a bond condition - she has to find a way to pay for treatment. Talk about dumb as a brick. He claims he is worried about her future - I asked what kind of future she had on the path she was on??

    I just hope she tries to call back today so I can hear what she has to say...
  14. Bunny

    Bunny Active Member

    I will never understand the stupidity of some people. Does your daughter want to go through the programs that the courts are offering her? And for him to blame you for her being addicted? I would have wanted to crawl through the phone lines and clawed his eyes out.
  15. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Thinking of you PG, hoping the situation has shifted into some mutual understanding so that your difficult child can get the appropriate care..........
  16. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Knowing her, she probably just wants to get out and go running to him. I get it - they want to be together to experience the pregnancy together, etc. But the fact is that she has shown that she cannot stay away from the drugs on her own.

    He stopped texting yesterday after I was busting everything he said. Course I never got that email with the "documentation" he was going to send proving that he has income and a place to live. Go figure.

    I have not talked to difficult child since that day in the courtroom when she told me she loved me as they were taking her back...hopefully now that I have put some money on the phone account, she will try calling back.

    At least she has two weeks clean today thanks to being locked up...I say let's go for thirty days!
  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    Many, many (((Hugs)))...

    I'm sorry to hear the boyfriend is trying this - but, really...can you honestly say you're surprised?

    It takes a lot of STENGTH and GUTS to go the "Tough-Love" route. It's a hard choice to make...and trying to do the right thing for another human being takes a lot of COURAGE. In addition, the boyfriend would have to be HONEST and admit his own RESPONSIBILITY for the drug and alacohol abuse. Know what I mean??

    difficult child is calling him and crying....crying that she wants to be home....crying that she misses him...

    And of course, he misses her, too. He wants to be with her!

    It's much MUCH easier to promise that he will do everything he can to get her out of jail ASAP...than to have a tough conversation about doing the right and responsible thing.

    Honestly? I'll bet he was hoping you were going to jump in halfway through his sentence and offer to pay for (at least) half the cost of the lawyer. That's why he told you the lawyer was saying all good things - it was supposed to be good news! You were supposed to be SOOO relieved that he found a guy known for getting folks with drug issues out of jail...

    He didn't know you weren't looking for easy answers!

    And sadly, difficult child is going to find no end of people who are willing to enable and take the easy road, rather than asking her to be accountable.

    I'm so sorry, PG. Hopefully, his financial limitations will prevent the lawyer thing from actually happening...
  18. toughlovin

    toughlovin Well-Known Member

    Well if she really does have a lawyer and you get his/her name then i would suggest calling them and telling him you think the absolute best outcome for difficult child would be treatment. She of course is going to want to get out scot fee and he is working for her but i would let him know because he may be able to give it to her straight that this is her best chance. And it may be like Daisy said that he is hoping he found the lawyer and you will pay for it in which you can tell him no.
    And keep checking in with the prosecutor and make sure you get a chance to read your letter to the judge!!

    Just cause she has a lawyer doesnt mean the right thing won't happen.

  19. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Well-Known Member

    Thank you everyone - I am a lot calmer today....the most that can happen is that they set another court date. They have revoked her bond and upheld the arrest so there is no releasing her, I don't think, anyway. I admit I am pretty clueless on this stuff. If they set another court date, I will be at that one too advocating for what is RIGHT. Oh no, momma bear is NOT backing down.

    I emailed the Treatment Coordinator this morning and asked if there is any update and if she had the evaluation done. I am hoping to hear back soon.

    She hasn't tried calling back, yet....hope she does and I didn't put the money on account for nothing. What I do like is the money I paid is only good for MY phone number. She can't use the money to call him or anyone else. :)

    I think her friend Troy was going to visit her and talk some sense into her into accepting the program. I need to text him and find out if he went...Troy hates baby daddy as much as I do...

    Baby daddy better have gotten the hint that mom isn't paying for anything. She has a wonderful package of programs being offered to her at no cost. No way am I paying for a thing including a lawyer.
  20. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    PG, sorry I "read" your post wrong. I am on your team against anyone who might impede your daughter's progress toward healthy living. My error does NOT mean that I am any less caring and sincere. I AM on your team. DDD