Feeling alone and overwhelmed

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Ktrink, Feb 20, 2008.

  1. Ktrink

    Ktrink New Member

    This is my first post. My son was diagnosed yesterday with ODD. I have been reading and thinking how this will affect my family. I have three children....ages *.....10 ( ODD ) and 12. My husband is not taking this well.

    I actually stumbled upon even gettting help. I mentioned to my sons pediatrician about his behavior and was added to an in office study to provide counceling in the office for patients of the practice. I never even heard of ODD, although after reading I swear my sons picture could fit next to any definition.

    I am hoping ths site and help me with information, a listening ear and a place to feel "normal'. I feel like I have failed as a parent. I see a difference bewteen my kids from my son who is relentless to his sisters who seem to "copy" his behaviors at times.

    I am thankful for any advise on this journey.

    Ktrink
     
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator

    Welcome! I'm glad you found us.

    I'm sorry for all the questions, but your answers will help us point you in the right direction.
    What kind of doctor diagnosed your son?
    Were any medications suggested?
    What kind of behaviors are you seeing that particularly concern you?
    How does he do in school, both academically and with peers?
    Any developmental or speech delays?
    Any sensory issues (sensitivity to clothing tags, loud noises, food textures, for example)?
    Any substance abuse or mental health issues in the family tree?

    In general, ODD doesn't stand alone but is rather caused by an underlying disorder. Think of ODD as a symptom rather than a diagnosis unto itself. When the underlying disorder (anxiety, depression, mood disorder, autistic spectrum disorder, for example) is identified and treated, the ODD behaviors typically improve.

    If you haven't already read it, you might want to pick up a copy of The Explosive Child by Ross Greene. Many of us have found it helpful in raising our challenging kiddos.

    Again, welcome. You will find a lot of support here.
     
  3. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    Welcome. You're not a bad mother and you're not alone anymore. Does your son have any other diagnoses?
     
  4. dcwsaranac

    dcwsaranac I hear music...

    Welcome aboard. My son (6) was just diagnosed as ADHD/ODD and is the poster child for ADHD with impulsivity.

    I, too, had never heard of ODD until I began researching ADHD. I was surprised that he was diagnosed ODD, but can really see it now that we are getting a handle on the ADHD.

    I only found this forum today, and have already found much useful information and very empathetic people here.

    Take a deep breath, we'll get through it.
     
  5. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Hi Ktrink and welcome. You are most *definitely* not alone and most *definitely* are not a bad parent. You felt there was a problem, you sought help, you are educating yourself, and you are reaching out for support. You're doing just fine!

    I'm not a self-help book kind of person at all, with the exception of "The Explosive Child". Excellent book that not only gives insight into the thinking behind some of our kids' behaviors but also helps you prioritize what behaviors are Basket A (must be addressed now) and what falls into other baskets (things that can be addressed as Basket A empties). Helped me tremendously because I was fighting every battle every time - a recipe for one burnt out frazzled mom and one very angry kid!

    I actually found reassurance in seeing the differences in my kids' behaviors - even when my youngest boy tried to copy thank you's behaviors. I couldn't be a complete failure as a mother and still end up with 3 kids who are pretty doggone "normal" behaviorally, you know? It's like independent verification, LOL.

    Again, I'm so glad you found us. We have a varied group with with a lot of different experiences and opinions. We don't have "the answer" but we have a lot of ideas and suggestions, and some very strong shoulders for leaning on when things get rough.
     
  6. Sheila

    Sheila Moderator

  7. tryinghard

    tryinghard New Member

    Well tonight is living proof that things can get easier with age. My difficult child, who is 12, and diagnosis is ADHD went into a rage, banged his head against a wall, through stuff off the kitchen counter, then ran out the front door. How is this good news you ask???!!! Well, first...this whole episode only last ten minutes before he came back to the front door and was willing to talk and calm down. When he was young this behavior would have continued for HOURS:furious: The second reason this is good news, is because of the people\advice\stories\support on this site I no longer feel the overwhelming guilt I would feel before. I use to think it was me and I was a bad mom. Now I realize it is a disability that my difficult child struggles with and I do my best to help him through it.

    I am fairly new to this site, but check it at least once a day. It is filled with wonderful people who understand. Welcome! And ALWAYS remember that you are a good MOM...a warrior MOM!:peaceful:
     
  8. Ktrink

    Ktrink New Member

    I'm sorry for all the questions, but your answers will help us point you in the right direction.
    What kind of doctor diagnosed your son?
    Were any medications suggested?
    What kind of behaviors are you seeing that particularly concern you?
    How does he do in school, both academically and with peers?
    Any developmental or speech delays?
    Any sensory issues (sensitivity to clothing tags, loud noises, food textures, for example)?
    Any substance abuse or mental health issues in the family tree?

    No need to appologize :D
    My son was diagnosed by a group of councelors,phyciatrists along with his primary care doctor. We have only had one intake and are still in the gathering info stage to see if there are other conditions along with ODD. His teacher is helping with the school behavior part because he is so much different there.

    At this time, no medications suggested, I think to early to tell.

    Some behaviors are, losing temper over little thigs and not letting it go.
    He melts if any dicipline is used like 15 minutes of bedtime taken away. He has been known to refuse to get into the car at a restaurant so we can leave. He never takes responsibity for his room needed picked up or sees the reason why he should have to help with much of any house chore. For the longest time I would describe him as my resident guest.

    Thomas does well in school, and A student. He is starting to show a little bit to a major lesser degree of what I see at school. He will tell his teacher he didn't know about an assignment when he had been told daily for a week. He can hardly contain himself if he has something to say that he feels must be told. Those are a few I know of from recent talks with his teacher. He is kind and respectful to other students but raraly sees friends outside from school. Part of that is where we live though.

    Thomas had early intervention for speech. He still is hard to understand every once in a while but was not a "late" talker.

    I have not seen any swensory issues and the only real mental health issue is I have situational depression.

    Whoa....lol. That got long. Thanks for your help and knowledge :D

    Ktrink
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Hon, just to be safe, I'd see a neuropsychologist. ODD is rarely a stand alone diagnosis. It is normally caused by a larger diagnosis that is causing the ODD behavior.
    Does he use appropriate social skills, have good eye contact with strangers, obsess over anything, or have fine or large motor skill problems?
     
  10. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Hi, welcome.
    You are not alone. There are lots of us here!
    I don't know what else to add to what everyone else has said ... just feel free to keep posting and reading, and know that it CAN get better. Tryinghard's note is a good example.
     
  11. SaraT

    SaraT New Member

    Welcome to the board. You are not alone, and not a bad parent.(I too felt that way when I first found this site.)

    The ladies, and gentlemen, on here are wonderful in giving advise, a listening ear, and a good laugh.(And we all need to laugh now and then, its very theraputic lol)

    I agree with the rest who have said to read The Explosive Child book, get a full evaluation, and that ODD isn't really the cause, but a symptom. My difficult child was originally diagnosis with ADHD/ODD, but we later found out, thru more testing, that she is actually ADHD/Mood Disorder/Aspergers. Finding out the root, underlying cause really is a great help to get what you need for your child.

    Welcome again.
     
  12. GinAndTonic

    GinAndTonic New Member

    Hi! Have we proven that you're not alone yet?
     
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