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Feeling Anxiety over Children
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 696880" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Jodie, I am so sorry for your loss. How very tragic. I would imagine that this event plays a roll in how you feel about your son that's in jail.</p><p>You know what the grieving process is as you have been through it with your other son.</p><p>While my son is still very much alive, I went through the grieving process as it was a way to help me let go. I grieved for the son I used to have. I grieved for all the hopes and dreams that I had for him as they did die. I will always love my son but I had to let go of him. When we hold onto to a person who is toxic to us it's as if we have a bolder tied to our foot and we are trying to tread water. We have to release that which is dragging us down.</p><p>Again, I am so sorry for your loss.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Of course it's always in the back of your mind. While I have very successfully detached from my son I still love him and he's always in the back of my mind. I have just gotten to a much better place in dealing with the emotions that are attached. It's not something that came easy or fast, it took time.</p><p></p><p>You have a couple of years before your son will be released. That gives you time to get your emotions in order. Setting clear boundaries of what you will and won't put up with from him. Set these boundaries, take them in each day, let them become part of who you are, gain strength from them. When your son is released you will be prepared and you will stand firm in your resolve.</p><p>You also need boundaries for while he's locked up. When my son was locked up he wanted to call all the time. I'm sure it was out of pure boredom. Those calls were very expensive. I told him he could call once a month and if he called more than that I would not accept the charges. He would also start using very ugly language. I made it clear to him that if he started cussing that I would end the call. There was also to be no whining or complaining or I would end the call. As for money on his account, in the beginning I did until he started complaining that there wasn't anything good at the "commissary" where he could purchase extra food stuff.</p><p></p><p>NOTE: Take this as a friendly warning. Never ever give your son any personal information about you. Social Security number, Mother's maiden name, your birth year, etc.......</p><p>A couple of months before my son was released he wrote me a letter saying that in order for him to get an ID when he got out that he would need MY social security number. I called the prison and asked them about it and they told me under no circumstances should I give that info to my son. It's a scam that prisoners will use and is a way to start the process of stealing your identity so they can get credit cards when they get out.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there Jodie!!</p><p></p><p>You will get through this, you are a survivor!</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/notalone.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":notalone:" title="notalone :notalone:" data-shortname=":notalone:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/staystrong.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":staystrong:" title="staystrong :staystrong:" data-shortname=":staystrong:" /><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/group-hug.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":group-hug:" title="group hug :group-hug:" data-shortname=":group-hug:" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 696880, member: 18516"] Jodie, I am so sorry for your loss. How very tragic. I would imagine that this event plays a roll in how you feel about your son that's in jail. You know what the grieving process is as you have been through it with your other son. While my son is still very much alive, I went through the grieving process as it was a way to help me let go. I grieved for the son I used to have. I grieved for all the hopes and dreams that I had for him as they did die. I will always love my son but I had to let go of him. When we hold onto to a person who is toxic to us it's as if we have a bolder tied to our foot and we are trying to tread water. We have to release that which is dragging us down. Again, I am so sorry for your loss. Of course it's always in the back of your mind. While I have very successfully detached from my son I still love him and he's always in the back of my mind. I have just gotten to a much better place in dealing with the emotions that are attached. It's not something that came easy or fast, it took time. You have a couple of years before your son will be released. That gives you time to get your emotions in order. Setting clear boundaries of what you will and won't put up with from him. Set these boundaries, take them in each day, let them become part of who you are, gain strength from them. When your son is released you will be prepared and you will stand firm in your resolve. You also need boundaries for while he's locked up. When my son was locked up he wanted to call all the time. I'm sure it was out of pure boredom. Those calls were very expensive. I told him he could call once a month and if he called more than that I would not accept the charges. He would also start using very ugly language. I made it clear to him that if he started cussing that I would end the call. There was also to be no whining or complaining or I would end the call. As for money on his account, in the beginning I did until he started complaining that there wasn't anything good at the "commissary" where he could purchase extra food stuff. NOTE: Take this as a friendly warning. Never ever give your son any personal information about you. Social Security number, Mother's maiden name, your birth year, etc....... A couple of months before my son was released he wrote me a letter saying that in order for him to get an ID when he got out that he would need MY social security number. I called the prison and asked them about it and they told me under no circumstances should I give that info to my son. It's a scam that prisoners will use and is a way to start the process of stealing your identity so they can get credit cards when they get out. Hang in there Jodie!! You will get through this, you are a survivor! :notalone::staystrong::group-hug: [/QUOTE]
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