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<blockquote data-quote="tired Cheryl" data-source="post: 84163" data-attributes="member: 4109"><p>Hi, Bellykate:</p><p></p><p>Welcome! You will find much support, help, and advice here. It sounds like you could use some of the support at least. I live with a difficult child that sounds very similar to yours in many ways and understand what you ar going through.</p><p></p><p>His father and I knew that he was differnt from the first week he was born. He cried constantly and very rarely seemed happy.</p><p>He was difficult and demanding and did not sleep well.</p><p>We were told that he had colic, allergy to formula, gastric reflux, gas, etc. Then we were told, "He is just a toddler" or "that is just how boys act" etc, etc, etc</p><p></p><p>We knew differently. Then came the epilepsy diagnosis at two years old. In some ways it validated our feelings that something in his brain was not right. His first recognized seizure was very dramatic but others are subtle so, it is something to be on the look-out for with any young child.</p><p></p><p> Then the differences really stood out when he was in a situation with other kids his age. He was the only one that was angry, spitting, hitting the teacher/church nursery aide, taking his clothes off, defiant all of the time. He has failed three private preschools and has been asked not to return to our church nursery/childcare.</p><p></p><p>His behavior is very volitile and his meltdowns quite frequently involve hitting, yelling, scratching, and spitting on me. When this occurs it only makes it that much more difficult to deal with adding insult to injury. So, I can very much relate to the pain that you are going through.</p><p></p><p>Like you, I did not believe in physical punishment and had never spanked my older child. Unfortunately we resorted to spanking difficult child at two years old. I really hate that but we were so desperate. We recently stopped spanking because it was ineffective and probably doing more harm. I try not to beat myself up over this (excuse the pun) but when dealing with a difficult child (especially as a rookie) it is so difficult to know what the "right" approach is. During the first three years I read so many books, both those that I bought for myself and those purchased by well-meaning family members.</p><p></p><p>Since my child has epilepsy I had his neurologist refer us for neuropsychology evaluation. She has seen his serious behavior problems and beleives that a lot of what we see is related to his frontal lobe epilepsy. That being said, it took over six months for the rererral to actually happen.</p><p>It is a very important step for you to take ASAP. So, please heed the advice and seek out such an evaluation. My son's evaluation took place at a Children's hospital.</p><p></p><p>At this point, we are doing weekly behavior therapy not sure that it is doing much but at least it gives difficult child a regular interaction with other adults and puts him in situation where he can safely work on things like following directions and not hitting them etc. He has been on an anti-convulsant since January of this year. This particular drug is supposed to be a mood-stabilizer as well. Unfortunately we have not enjoyed that effect. He was recently kicked out of another preschool last month so, I relented to an anti-psychotic drug. He is still on a very low dose so I cannot say that this has helped much yet. But I have hope as his neurologist and psychologists say that it has helped many of their other patients. </p><p></p><p>I was very relunctant to start medications. It took several seizures before I started the anti-convulsants and his latest expulsion for me to start the anti-psychotic. Our lives (including difficult child's) are just so miserable that I am willing to try the medications despite the side-effects that they may cause. Now that he was recently dignosed with ADHD we may have to add to the medications but his doctors repsect my decision to go very slowly with this.</p><p></p><p>I am not saying that your daughter needs medication but, if you are like me you may need time to think about this and do a little research on your own before the doctors suggest such.Just something to start thinking about.</p><p></p><p>My son is very bright as well. So he does not "qualify" for Special Education preschool offered by the public school system. Having a difficult child who has severe behavior problems yet is smart as a whip presents it's own unique challenges. It can be very frustrating when the general public and educators do not understand that these kids need help. </p><p></p><p>I am happy that your daughter likes preschool and is getting along OK although not perfectly. My son enjoyed going as well. WE started him when he turned three. He is mostly violent towards the teachers but of course that scares the other kids. So, he has not been able to make any friends at the schools that he attended. His sister is so accustomed to his behavior that she tends to seek out the most difficult and aggressive kids in her class to be friends with. This worries me so much and I have talked to the therapsit about it. Do you have other children?</p><p></p><p>If you read some of my recent postings you will see that you are not alone!!! I am so tired of trying to figure out my difficult children "triggers." :hammer:</p><p></p><p>This morning started out with him having a huge blow-up over his dreaded milk <u>yet again</u>. I though that I had figured it out by letting him choose several cups, spoons, pour the milk, squeeze the chocolate, and the such. He has a very detailed way that he wants his chocolate milk prepared and I NEVER get it right. This leads to milk on the floor, spitting, etc. Well, today since he had been in charge of every step of the preparation I would not allow him to get mad at me. (I am so tired of being blamed for everything all of the time) He tried by screaming at me but I CALMLY kept reminding him that he did the pouring, stirring, etc. He was dumbfounded for a momement which gave me enough time to remove milk, spoon, breakfast, before he could thow it across the room. He was asked to go to his room to calm down and then he asked me to take him there. He came back out about ten times and all in all it took 30 minutes for him to settle down again. But at least I didn't have his breakfast to clean off of the floor today nor any scratches on my arms. So, it was a good morning. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. You are not alone. There are lots of experienced moms here and then those like me that are just learning the ropes with you. It is not your fault! You are doing a great job. You just need a little (or a lot in my case) help as we all do. </p><p></p><p>Let us know how things are going.</p><p></p><p>Cheryl</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tired Cheryl, post: 84163, member: 4109"] Hi, Bellykate: Welcome! You will find much support, help, and advice here. It sounds like you could use some of the support at least. I live with a difficult child that sounds very similar to yours in many ways and understand what you ar going through. His father and I knew that he was differnt from the first week he was born. He cried constantly and very rarely seemed happy. He was difficult and demanding and did not sleep well. We were told that he had colic, allergy to formula, gastric reflux, gas, etc. Then we were told, "He is just a toddler" or "that is just how boys act" etc, etc, etc We knew differently. Then came the epilepsy diagnosis at two years old. In some ways it validated our feelings that something in his brain was not right. His first recognized seizure was very dramatic but others are subtle so, it is something to be on the look-out for with any young child. Then the differences really stood out when he was in a situation with other kids his age. He was the only one that was angry, spitting, hitting the teacher/church nursery aide, taking his clothes off, defiant all of the time. He has failed three private preschools and has been asked not to return to our church nursery/childcare. His behavior is very volitile and his meltdowns quite frequently involve hitting, yelling, scratching, and spitting on me. When this occurs it only makes it that much more difficult to deal with adding insult to injury. So, I can very much relate to the pain that you are going through. Like you, I did not believe in physical punishment and had never spanked my older child. Unfortunately we resorted to spanking difficult child at two years old. I really hate that but we were so desperate. We recently stopped spanking because it was ineffective and probably doing more harm. I try not to beat myself up over this (excuse the pun) but when dealing with a difficult child (especially as a rookie) it is so difficult to know what the "right" approach is. During the first three years I read so many books, both those that I bought for myself and those purchased by well-meaning family members. Since my child has epilepsy I had his neurologist refer us for neuropsychology evaluation. She has seen his serious behavior problems and beleives that a lot of what we see is related to his frontal lobe epilepsy. That being said, it took over six months for the rererral to actually happen. It is a very important step for you to take ASAP. So, please heed the advice and seek out such an evaluation. My son's evaluation took place at a Children's hospital. At this point, we are doing weekly behavior therapy not sure that it is doing much but at least it gives difficult child a regular interaction with other adults and puts him in situation where he can safely work on things like following directions and not hitting them etc. He has been on an anti-convulsant since January of this year. This particular drug is supposed to be a mood-stabilizer as well. Unfortunately we have not enjoyed that effect. He was recently kicked out of another preschool last month so, I relented to an anti-psychotic drug. He is still on a very low dose so I cannot say that this has helped much yet. But I have hope as his neurologist and psychologists say that it has helped many of their other patients. I was very relunctant to start medications. It took several seizures before I started the anti-convulsants and his latest expulsion for me to start the anti-psychotic. Our lives (including difficult child's) are just so miserable that I am willing to try the medications despite the side-effects that they may cause. Now that he was recently dignosed with ADHD we may have to add to the medications but his doctors repsect my decision to go very slowly with this. I am not saying that your daughter needs medication but, if you are like me you may need time to think about this and do a little research on your own before the doctors suggest such.Just something to start thinking about. My son is very bright as well. So he does not "qualify" for Special Education preschool offered by the public school system. Having a difficult child who has severe behavior problems yet is smart as a whip presents it's own unique challenges. It can be very frustrating when the general public and educators do not understand that these kids need help. I am happy that your daughter likes preschool and is getting along OK although not perfectly. My son enjoyed going as well. WE started him when he turned three. He is mostly violent towards the teachers but of course that scares the other kids. So, he has not been able to make any friends at the schools that he attended. His sister is so accustomed to his behavior that she tends to seek out the most difficult and aggressive kids in her class to be friends with. This worries me so much and I have talked to the therapsit about it. Do you have other children? If you read some of my recent postings you will see that you are not alone!!! I am so tired of trying to figure out my difficult children "triggers." [img]:hammer:[/img] This morning started out with him having a huge blow-up over his dreaded milk <u>yet again</u>. I though that I had figured it out by letting him choose several cups, spoons, pour the milk, squeeze the chocolate, and the such. He has a very detailed way that he wants his chocolate milk prepared and I NEVER get it right. This leads to milk on the floor, spitting, etc. Well, today since he had been in charge of every step of the preparation I would not allow him to get mad at me. (I am so tired of being blamed for everything all of the time) He tried by screaming at me but I CALMLY kept reminding him that he did the pouring, stirring, etc. He was dumbfounded for a momement which gave me enough time to remove milk, spoon, breakfast, before he could thow it across the room. He was asked to go to his room to calm down and then he asked me to take him there. He came back out about ten times and all in all it took 30 minutes for him to settle down again. But at least I didn't have his breakfast to clean off of the floor today nor any scratches on my arms. So, it was a good morning. Hang in there. You are not alone. There are lots of experienced moms here and then those like me that are just learning the ropes with you. It is not your fault! You are doing a great job. You just need a little (or a lot in my case) help as we all do. Let us know how things are going. Cheryl [/QUOTE]
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