Feeling better...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by witzend, Jun 13, 2010.

  1. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    I've had a chance to calm down - ie: get away from M for a day, and to know that he is safe and warm.

    Looking at it, the school year has come down this way:

    1st Semester - End of term, he's begging for dad to help him with his finals homework, dad gets him books, I buy him food and get him a phone we can reach him at.

    2nd Semester - End of term, he's 22 assignments behind, has been arguing with a professor all term about whether the professor is using the correct server to receive assignments. Dad talks him down, gets him to work with the school to get the professor to allow his late assignments. He goes on to get into huge fights with his roommate.

    3rd Semester - Huge fights with roommate keeps him from doing work. He doesn't tell us this, but the roommate drama is 24/7 stupid. At the end of semester, he is flunking two classes because he hasn't turned in homework at all, and has lost his financial aid. This immediately precipitates the suicide attempt.

    It's hard to not feel as though this is just the next step for him working the system to getting financial aid and not having to get a job. If it results in him getting therapy and medications, great. But right now, I feel more manipulated and angry than concerned that this is how badly he really feels about life.

    Not to say that he doesn't play it up as tragic to himself, and that he does not feel bad. I'm sure he does. But I think he's looking for a loophole instead of a way.
  2. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    The fact that some suicide attempts are manipulative, doesn't make them any more frightening ... especially for us parents. The times Youngest overdosed, I knew she didn't really want to die, but I terrified that she'd succeed anyway. It made me angry, as well.

    I don't have words of wisdom or answers, just wanted you to know that I was reading, and I that I do understand the mix of emotions you're going through.
  3. PonyGirl

    PonyGirl Warrior Parent

    Just more ((((HUGZ))) to you Witz.

  4. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Is this a concern you've expressed to his SW?
  5. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Your "diary" of M's behavior certainly shows a steady decline in attitude and behavior during this school year. What's the term? "Decompensation", or something like that? The cause? Probably no one knows- least of all, M. Regardless, it does seem almost like watching a slow motion trainwreck. My Rob wouldn't be able to plan anything out in advance to try to rig the system but maybe your M can.

    I don't blame you for feeling angry, Witz. When Rob was in his motocycle accident and it became apparent that he was going to live, I wanted to slap him silly for being so STUPID!!! I mean how many times does someone have to be forewarned that if you drink and drive, chances of getting in an accident go up exponentially? And how many times does someone have to be forewarned to wear a helmet.......and not speed....and not pass in an illegal passing zone....and to have a registered vehicle with insurance? And it wasn't even his first.....or second.....or third accident....frankly, I've lost count.

    So I sure don't blame you for feeling angry that M isn't learning from his past mistakes. sigh. I remember how difficult it was to hide my anger but it was unproductive to Rob's recovery so hide it, I did. I hope M will turn a corner this time and be willing to help himself.

  6. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Shari, the social worker doesn't work on weekends, and he is being released today. The "friend" (who has a boyfriend, Thank God!) is going to stay with him a few days so he happy about that. I don't think he's ever been alone before, and the acting out he does with others around just doesn't get the results when he is alone. But she won't stay forever, I know. So he'll have to make it work on his own somehow. He is on the celexa, which is good for anxiety and obsessions, which he most certainly has. So, that's a start.

    CV, I know exactly what you mean. If he only understood the possible brain damage he would have to live with with many of the things he could try and fail at.
  7. Shari

    Shari IsItFridayYet?

    Just seems if these people are going to help him hang onto to his livlihood, they should also be aware that there may be some level of manipulation going on there...but God only know what, if anything, they would do with that info...

    As you say, he has to make it work on his own. Ultimately, its up to him.

    Praying for you and yours, Witz.
  8. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Many hugs and prayers, Witz.
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    I'm glad you're feeling better. (pours a glass of wine for Witz) mmmmm......therapy.
  10. witzend

    witzend Well-Known Member

    Griffin Creek Cabernet... yum...