Feeling Brittle

[TerryJ2]

I hope your back feels better!
Good idea to approach another person at church, if your main contact is leaving. It's always good to have your ducks in a row for Duckie.

 

[DaisyFace]

I think in some ways our difficult children never reached the developmental stage where they realize they are separate beings, apart from us. They blow up, and say hateful things then feel better. Because they feel better, we should too. There's no differentiation between their feelings and ours, so they don't understand why we don't react well to their nicey nice behaviour after the blow-up.


Trinity

Trinity--

I think you are EXACTLY right. If they are fine--we should be fine. If they are angry--we should know exactly why...AND we should know exactly how to fix it....and if we don't--then we deserve to get screamed at.

difficult children expect us to be mind-readers sometimes!

 

[smallworld]

TM, I'm sorry you are experiencing these episodic rages with Duckie. I would add these points:

First, from your posts, I'm getting the sense that the episodes are coming a bit more frequently. I think you should keep a log of behaviors, length of rages, triggers, etc. In the event you seek professional help later on, it's important that you have a record of what's been going on with Duckie.

Second, even though my kids no longer rage, they see a therapist weekly to work on coping skills. It helps regulate their emotions and gives them a safe place to talk about their feelings. I think it helps prevent meltdowns. Just because Duckie doesn't rage regularly doesn't mean that she wouldn't benefit from regular therapy.

Third, moms who parent challenging children need a safe place to explore their feelings about their children. You might benefit from either a support group or therapy of your own so you will feel better about parenting Duckie. This kind of intensive parenting is not for the faint of heart. Because my children can evoke very intense feelings in me, I've been seeing a therapist since the spring, and I have to say it has helped me feel stronger about myself.

Hug, TM.

 

[sunxstone]

Thanks everyone. It is venom and it all gets directed at me, husband can use the exact words, tones and mannerisms. But it's directed at ME. She makes me feel attacked and abused when she does this.

Then (& this is maybe the worst part), she acts likes it's nothing at all. I've been called names & wished dead but she thinks I should be all smiles because she's done letting loose. She has no idea how hateful she is when she rages and I am shocked by the depths of her anger.

I live with this too. It know how it leaves you empty, feeling like just a shell. I'm sorry. *hugs*