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<blockquote data-quote="janebrain" data-source="post: 148829" data-attributes="member: 3208"><p>Hi All,</p><p>I am feeling better about things today. I have been too busy with rehearsing for a performance I am in tonight to be able to call difficult child so I think that has been a good thing. By the time I am able to call her several days will have passed and I will be in a much better place mentally.</p><p></p><p>MB, thanks for your vote of confidence. I was thinking it over and I think you are right--I would have given her the funds anyway so she at least had the chance of getting on her feet out in Seattle. And, she has done well and she has not asked for any more money. </p><p></p><p>Maybe once it is out in the open that she is indeed with boyfriend she can be a little more honest. I think she is afraid to tell me about him because she knows what a loser I think he is. It's kind of funny because part of the reason her whole family hates him is because of the times he just up and left her but I bet he never even did, that was the story they came up with in order to get money from us.</p><p></p><p>I think I will be able to continue to have a warm, encouraging relationship with her--she really seems to need that closeness with me and maybe it will help her in some way. She gets something out of telling me about her future plans and how she has learned from her past mistakes and she thanks me for being a good mom, etc. I do not initiate these conversations, she calls to "talk." I just have to be careful to remind myself that what she is telling me may be her own fantasies and not connected to reality! She told me she wants to have a nice house and a family. Well, that is not going to happen with the boyfriend. He is a wanderer--the grass is always greener somewhere else. He talks about his plans but never follows through on any of them. He has an ex-wife and 2 daughters whom he does not support or even see. One of them lives with his mother and the other one with his ex-wife and no one knows where she is. difficult child has gotten pregnant 3 times by him but miscarried each time so I don't know if she can even carry a baby to term. She now says she wants to wait til she is older to have a family.</p><p></p><p>I do think she cares for us--she is very thoughtful and always wants to know how we are doing and is very tuned in to us--she knows us very well. So, I will just continue to be there for her from a distance but I will make it clear that we cannot help financially if she and boyfriend screw up again. They are going to have to plan ahead if they decide they want to go somewhere else and they are going to have to be responsible with their bills if they want to continue living where they are now.</p><p></p><p>I am grateful she lives 3000 miles away--makes it so much harder to get pulled in and I can be very much removed from the daily drama. She recently got a dog. I hope they don't end up just leaving the dog behind when they get tired of taking care of him. You may recall they left their pet rat behind when they left their apt. a year ago and my husband and I rescued him. I can't go rescue the dog!</p><p></p><p>Thanks so much for all your sound advice and for understanding all this so well!</p><p></p><p>Jane</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="janebrain, post: 148829, member: 3208"] Hi All, I am feeling better about things today. I have been too busy with rehearsing for a performance I am in tonight to be able to call difficult child so I think that has been a good thing. By the time I am able to call her several days will have passed and I will be in a much better place mentally. MB, thanks for your vote of confidence. I was thinking it over and I think you are right--I would have given her the funds anyway so she at least had the chance of getting on her feet out in Seattle. And, she has done well and she has not asked for any more money. Maybe once it is out in the open that she is indeed with boyfriend she can be a little more honest. I think she is afraid to tell me about him because she knows what a loser I think he is. It's kind of funny because part of the reason her whole family hates him is because of the times he just up and left her but I bet he never even did, that was the story they came up with in order to get money from us. I think I will be able to continue to have a warm, encouraging relationship with her--she really seems to need that closeness with me and maybe it will help her in some way. She gets something out of telling me about her future plans and how she has learned from her past mistakes and she thanks me for being a good mom, etc. I do not initiate these conversations, she calls to "talk." I just have to be careful to remind myself that what she is telling me may be her own fantasies and not connected to reality! She told me she wants to have a nice house and a family. Well, that is not going to happen with the boyfriend. He is a wanderer--the grass is always greener somewhere else. He talks about his plans but never follows through on any of them. He has an ex-wife and 2 daughters whom he does not support or even see. One of them lives with his mother and the other one with his ex-wife and no one knows where she is. difficult child has gotten pregnant 3 times by him but miscarried each time so I don't know if she can even carry a baby to term. She now says she wants to wait til she is older to have a family. I do think she cares for us--she is very thoughtful and always wants to know how we are doing and is very tuned in to us--she knows us very well. So, I will just continue to be there for her from a distance but I will make it clear that we cannot help financially if she and boyfriend screw up again. They are going to have to plan ahead if they decide they want to go somewhere else and they are going to have to be responsible with their bills if they want to continue living where they are now. I am grateful she lives 3000 miles away--makes it so much harder to get pulled in and I can be very much removed from the daily drama. She recently got a dog. I hope they don't end up just leaving the dog behind when they get tired of taking care of him. You may recall they left their pet rat behind when they left their apt. a year ago and my husband and I rescued him. I can't go rescue the dog! Thanks so much for all your sound advice and for understanding all this so well! Jane [/QUOTE]
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