Feeling down and out...can't shake it

[busywend]

I don't even know how to describe it, but at least I am self aware enough to see it.

I have gained about 16 pounds since Feb. I feel blah. I just returned from a week long relaxing vacation and I do not feel rejuvenated. I feel the same as before I went. Maybe even more frustrated with my boyfriend and my difficult child than before. Spending a full week with people when you are not at your best is probably not the best thing to do. Nobody argued much. I think we all just got on each other's nerves.

Lots going on with boyfriend, his job is horribly stressful and his mom is not well. I threw in to him that I felt we were losing our connection this past week. Probably not the best timing, huh?
In reality, it is him that has changed. I really think his stress level started in Feb when he came down with shingles and his mom was ill shortly after that. He also got this promotion (without the additional money he was promised) and he is just now, 5 months later, getting relieved of his previous position as well. He has been doing 2 jobs since Feb.

Why do I let his mood bring me down? Yes, I worry about him. Is that normal? I think so.

Anyway, I am just stumped as to how to get out of this funk I am feeling like I am in. WHAT CAN I DO???!!!

 

[Nomad]

You might be feeding off each other.
I find when this happens...the best thing to do is to take care of my own needs whenever and where-ever I can. Kinda...cover your bases...with effort and consistency you might very well find yourself in a much better place.
So, I would consider getting in a little exercise. You might try a weight loss program like Weight Watchers or South Beach to get the extra weight off...you'll feel better and most of us need the extra support/information.
It's hard to take those first steps, but it is ohhhhh so worth it.
Consider making a plan to start (or slightly increase) a light to moderate exercise program and weight loss program within the next 48 hours.
Also, try to get to bed a little earlier (if you are not sleeping well), drink some extra water, make sure you are at least taking a multi vitamin/mineral supplement, and do a little something nice for yourself asap.
If you build up some strength and have a plan to get the weight off, I think you will feel better about the relationship stressors.
If you don't feel better soon...don't hesitate to make an appointment with your doctor and get help...they have heard this all before and are trained to sort out the possible problems and solutions.

 

[Wiped Out]

Wendy,
I think worrying about boyfriend is normal.

Nomad gave some good advice. Adding in exercise is something that can really make a difference in mood. I know for me it makes a world of difference. Another things would be to find a new hobby, something that you really have wanted to try but never did.

And, as Nomad said if you don't feel better soon, make an appointment to see someone. Hugs.

 

[Fran]

Wendy, when I feel that sinking feeling that gets triggered by the scale, is in reality a feeling of no control.(in my case). If I get on an eating schedule, not a diet but get some routine going that is more healthful, I am more inclined to self discipline in terms of work, exercise,thinking.
boyfriend's work is really difficult but it is also part and parcel of adult life. Not everyone is able to juggle well or assert himself to set limits. I'm not sure that is your problem. If the connection is lost or diminished because of the stressors, he has to want to work on it with you or it will never be his priority.
It's always sad that mom's are sick but inevitably they do get sick. It is a fact of all our lives. You being his support so he can care for his mom is invaluable. Give yourself a pat on the back. However,it is not an excuse to push away from you.

You have had a new job, college graduation, vacation. I'm sure there is a let down factor from all those highs. Add the scale and I see what happens to me normally. The feeling of being stuck in quicksand or futility.

For me it's about taking the first step to regain control of myself and my own well being. It's about pushing through the stuff that keeps me buried in some self pity or sadness and finding the emotional firmer ground so I can take the next step.
Anyhow, that's how I picture it and live it. Just thought I would share. : )

 

[Nomad]

Another thought I had is sometimes after a vacation, there is a let down period. You may actually feel worse for a few days before you feel better. However, since you have identified your concerns about gaining weight particularly, it seems like if you can work on this issue...you'll feel better. I know for me, one of the best ways for me to do this is to get the junk food out of the house and to fill my home with healthy choices. Once you stop that pattern of unhealthy eating and the slow but steady increase on the scale, you will start feeling better. When you see the scale inch its way down...it will be pure delight. For me (and for many others) it takes extra support via a planned program. We can chose to do this if we deem it nececessary. For the most part in life...we are our choices when you think about it. Even if something happens to us beyond our control...what we do next or how we think about it...is within our control. But no matter how you do it, the important thing is that you get the ball rolling so that you feel that you have taken your life back in control because the bottom line is that you have the power to do this.

 

[busywend]

Yes! That is it! The feeling of quicksand and the more I struggle to get out the deeper I sink.

I tried to get the doctor to sign the exercise release but since my BiPolar (BP) is up she would not sign yet. I have been taking it myself to see if there is any improvement. It is kind of up and down. I go back next Weds to see what we should do about it.

I certainly could start eating less....and healthier. Maybe I should just actually spend the money and join weight watchers. That might be what I need.

I had to go up a size today in my pants. It is so depressing. Thank goodness I am getting my hair done on Thursday! At least I have something pampering to look forward to.

Motivation is what I lack now. I have identified the problem and you all helped me with some possible solutions. Now.....to make it happen. Might be the hardest part!

Thank you all!

 

[LittleDudesMom]

Hey Wendy,

I must have missed something....I didn't know you had a BiPolar (BP) issue. Have you been diagnosis with high blood pressure? Are you taking medications?

If you can't move, which I think is a great antidepressant, perhaps the healthier eating choices is an option. Or, as Fran suggested, at least an eating plan that helps you stick to a schedule. Did you loose all that weight a couple years ago on WW? I can't remember. If so, were you a lifetimer?

Check out ww online as well. There are some great recipes and wonderful life tips without the cost of membership.

I think the letdown of your exciting spring and early summer could be a factor. Your changing relationship with boyfriend is another. In other words, it's a combo deal! Take the item you believe you can change the most on your own, and tackle that one first.

Don't rely on someone other than yourself to remove this cloud.

Hugs,
Keep here with us,
Sharon

 

[busywend]

My BiPolar (BP) was high when I was at the doctor a couple weeks ago. It has been up and down as I monitor it at home. No diagnosis yet. I just went upstairs to check it (at work) and the salad bar looked good as it was being set up. I usually get there way after everyone else and it never looks appetizing to me! I am going to head up now to see about a salad.

 

[flutterbee]

Wendy, you almost sound kind of burnt out. Anyway you can get a couple of days to yourself?

The BiPolar (BP) issues are worrisome. I hope you and your doctor can get that under control. What about some beginner yoga-type stretches? It will at least get you moving which will feel good, but shouldn't be too hard on the heart. Maybe talk to the doctor about that?

 

[busywend]

Good idea. I have always wanted to try Yoga anyway. I am sure that will be OK - you don't get out of breath do you?

Anyway, I am headed to Weight Watchers tonight with 2 of my bffs. That should ensure that at least one is still with me in a few weeks! LOL!

We decided each week we would go to the Weight Watchers meeting and then head to the grocery store to stock up on the healthy stuff that we need to keep us on plan. That way we can make sure we stay on plan.

I still feel so....blah....I hope I lose about 5 pounds quick so my clothes fit better. Yuck!! I hate getting dressed in the morning!

 

[TerryJ2]

Gosh, you've gotten so many great comments here, I can't add much, except I know how you feel. Especially about going up a size in clothes. Sigh.

It occurred to me after we got back from our last vacation that it wasn't a vacation at all ... because for me, I have to be alone. I have to read. Sleep. Look at art. Listen to music. Sleep some more.

We did go to a cpl art galleries ... but the entire time, I was with someone, except when I was in the bathroom. (Come to think of it, even then ... ) husband takes it very personally when I want to be alone. Sigh.

Hey, I feel for your boyfriend, though. Working dbl jobs with-half the pay s*cks. I HATE it when biz's do that. So unfair.
Shingles is a sure sign he's under great stress.

It is so hard to live with-someone and not take on their issues, too.

Like we say about our kids, it's the same deal with-BFs and spouses: detach, detach, detach.