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Feeling guilty! Do others dislike their child?
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<blockquote data-quote="GoingNorth" data-source="post: 54121" data-attributes="member: 1963"><p>My husband died after a long course of chronic illness. During that illness, between sickness and pain and the medications he had to take, his personality changed (I had to Baker Act him on one occasion). There were good times and awful times. It was very hard to seperate the symptoms of his illness from the person I loved.</p><p></p><p>I think its much the same here. You can love the person while still hating the effects of the disease upon them. Certainly there is nothing wrong with finding respite of any kind to be a blessing. I know that without occasional respite care from Hospice I would've lost what was left of my mind on a few occasions.</p><p></p><p>We were lucky to have a 'girl' from Hospice who came in to help with household chores and who kept husband company so I could do simple things like go out and get groceries.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps it was 'easier' because he had a terminal illness of the body instead of a mental illness with no end in sight. I don't know about that. husband was a difficult, brilliant man who was struck down in the prime of life. He fought ADHD and shadow aspie traits through out his teen and adult years.</p><p></p><p>All I can advise is 'self time'. For me it was walking the dogs or getting on the computer alone. I relished the days when he needed transfusions and the carer took him down for those and drove him back. Five years later I still sometimes feel guilty about that. I still feel guilty about sometimes feeling glad it was just plain 'over' after husband passed and we had a very good marriage. I was just plain worn out with it.</p><p></p><p>In ending; I think this is a very normal emotion and not one to feel guilty about. There's something medically recognized as 'ambivalent grief'. I think there should be something recognized as 'ambivalent parenthood' as well.</p><p></p><p>I know I had times when I wished I wasn't married despite loving my husband with all my heart and soul.</p><p></p><p>toK</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="GoingNorth, post: 54121, member: 1963"] My husband died after a long course of chronic illness. During that illness, between sickness and pain and the medications he had to take, his personality changed (I had to Baker Act him on one occasion). There were good times and awful times. It was very hard to seperate the symptoms of his illness from the person I loved. I think its much the same here. You can love the person while still hating the effects of the disease upon them. Certainly there is nothing wrong with finding respite of any kind to be a blessing. I know that without occasional respite care from Hospice I would've lost what was left of my mind on a few occasions. We were lucky to have a 'girl' from Hospice who came in to help with household chores and who kept husband company so I could do simple things like go out and get groceries. Perhaps it was 'easier' because he had a terminal illness of the body instead of a mental illness with no end in sight. I don't know about that. husband was a difficult, brilliant man who was struck down in the prime of life. He fought ADHD and shadow aspie traits through out his teen and adult years. All I can advise is 'self time'. For me it was walking the dogs or getting on the computer alone. I relished the days when he needed transfusions and the carer took him down for those and drove him back. Five years later I still sometimes feel guilty about that. I still feel guilty about sometimes feeling glad it was just plain 'over' after husband passed and we had a very good marriage. I was just plain worn out with it. In ending; I think this is a very normal emotion and not one to feel guilty about. There's something medically recognized as 'ambivalent grief'. I think there should be something recognized as 'ambivalent parenthood' as well. I know I had times when I wished I wasn't married despite loving my husband with all my heart and soul. toK [/QUOTE]
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