My difficult child and me have not spoken since the end of May, her decision. There have been a limited number of texts/emails in that time, most of those conversations ended badly. She's angry with me and vice versa. I cut her off financially after she dropped all of her college classes and proceeded to lie to me about the situation for several weeks. She had to move out of her apartment I was paying for and I'm not sure where she is living now. I know which town but have no idea where the house is. She won't tell me. Even though she's 20 and made the decision on her own to "cut me off," I sometimes still feel guilty for not "trying harder" to mend the fence, so to speak. Logically, I know this is ridiculous. Emotionally, a different story at times. It will bug me some days, others not at all. I also am still very angry with her. I gave a lot of different emotions about the situation. Thing is, I don't know what to do with the guilt. It's not as though she is trying to guilt trip me much either, as she never initiates contact with me for any reason.....at least not since May. I also know if I reach out, there's a very good chance it won't turn out that great. I am 99.99999% sure nothing has changed on her end. If I know all these things, why in the world do I feel guilty at all? I really don't even know what I'd say to her anyway, my anger is still clouding everything. Almost everything I have said to her since May, not helpful. Most that has been said to me by her over the last couple of years, all lies and manipulation. I know I'm not at a point where I'm ready to reconcile. However, is this wrong on my part? I do feel that my anger/frustration/exhaustion with this situation is justified, but something keeps telling me, as her parent, I should be the bigger person. But in all honesty, I really don't want to deal with her right now. Is this a "normal" way to feel? She is 20 and has caused two tons of problems, started way back in grade school. I'm tired of it, sick to death of dealing with it, and exhausted from being lied to and manipulated for so long. Never mind all the other trouble she has caused, personally and legally. But here I am, STILL feeling guilty.