Feeling Guilty

[AnnMarieTN]

I feel guilty/terrible for even feeling this way, but my difficult child has been at the Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) for 3 weeks now and I don't miss him. I even hate saying that, but it's true. The past year has been SO MUCH hell, that it's nice to have a "normal" day.

He changed so much over the past 2-3 years that I don't even feel like "that" was my son. I feel like my son left back then and this stranger invaded our home.

I feel terrible for thinking it, but I'm glad the stranger is gone. I pray every night that it is my son that returns.

It's been so nice to not have to walk on eggshells. I haven't had to hide my wallet or keep my knives hidden. No one has screamed or cursed at me in 3 weeks. I can actually sleep and not worry about being attacked in the night.

For now, I'm not going to worry about what happens in 3-6 months when he comes home. For now, I'm going to enjoy the peace.

 

[nvts]

Hey! Don't feel guilty! This is your "rebuild" time! Take a walk, a bath, actually READ a book, watch a show that YOU want to watch!

You've got to be totally burnt right now and you're just now noticing after 3 weeks that your body has been in an advanced state of rigor mortis because you've been so tense.

I've often said, guilt is a useless emotion unless you're using it on someone else to get what YOU want!

There's nothing wrong with how you feel...relax and enjoy the peace - I'm about ready to run screaming into the night with the crap I'm going through right now. So do me a favor - when you post about how you're enjoying the peace, post it for me so I can live vicariously through you!

Beth

 

[Shari]

difficult child 1 has been gone 2 years now, and while I finally miss the good times with him, I still get anxious thinking about him coming home.
***
Your feelings are very valid. You have had to endure, and whether it was your child or a complete stranger, it has left you scarred.
***
Easier said than done, I know, but try to let go of the guilt and use the time to heal.

 

[WSM]

I haven't had to hide my wallet or keep my knives hidden.

We live like that and it ***.

The quality of everyone's life is important, not just our difficult child's. Everybody's well being matters, not just their's. I don't think you should feel guilty. Enjoy the peace.

 

[DaisyFace]

AnnMarie--

Please don't feel guilty...

FWIW--I envy you.

--DaisyF

 

['Chelle]

Don't feel guilty. I think it's not that you don't miss your son, I think it's you don't miss the behaviors and the constant stress of having to live with them. Living in constant chaos gets to be too much for anyone. Enjoy the peace you have now, recharge yourself, and know that your son is where he needs to be to get the help he needs. {{{HUGS}}}

 

[jbrain]

I didn't miss my dtr either when she was at her Residential Treatment Center (RTC) (for nearly 9 months when she was 16). I thought I should miss her but the truth is it was just so much better with her out of the house. It was such a relief to know she was somewhere where she was safe and hopefully working on getting better and that we didn't have to live with the drama and chaos for awhile. Enjoy your time!
Jane

 

[maril]

I feel terrible for thinking it, but I'm glad the stranger is gone. I pray every night that it is my son that returns.

When your son does return home, you may be pleasantly surprised at how well he has done and also have hope for a fresh start. Plus, you probably will be refreshed and better able to cope. That is how husband and I feel since our son returned home two weeks ago. It is not perfect but (at least for the time being) it is so much better than the (long) period of time prior to our son's 6-wk. inpatient stay (our lives at that time sound similar to what you described in your OP). My difficult child is more like his "old" self once again; however, we do know he has a struggle ahead and are cautiously optimistic. We realize our whole family has to step up to the plate and be consistent.
Hang in there and don't feel guilty or terrible!

 

[daralex]

No guilt neccesary!

Sounds like you needed this break. We are no good to anyone if we are unable to rejuvenate ourselves. The powers that be are smiling upon both of you. You with a deserved break - and difficult child with the help he needs.
Everything happens for a reason. Enjoy the place you are in at the moment.

Dara

 

[compassion]

I had several tdocs say we were experiencing PSTD. It IS a releif. My daughter is back after 3 and a half months : it is very mixed. Compassion