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Feeling heartbroken and helpless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 734486" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I do not have time right now to respond at length or read the other replies but want to send hugs.</p><p></p><p>Our situations are very similar. Son 29. Drug exposed. Both birth parents drugs. Both parents diagnosis. Son also off the rails in late teens. Me: the same torment and heartbreak as you.</p><p></p><p>That said. I say this to both if us: if there was ever the time for your faith it is now. If there was ever a moment for prayer it is now. If there was ever the need to surrender it is now.</p><p></p><p>The fear. The loss. Desperation. Heartbreak. You are writing the end of the story. More. You are trying to control the story. </p><p></p><p>You know this: these are not our stories to write. We write our own stories with our lives. Here, in this place, is your potential for control. Your place. The worth of your life. How will you act? Given this great challenge presented by life?</p><p></p><p>This is what my son would tell you: mom. It's existential.</p><p></p><p>While mental illness is certainly a factor. While drug exposure is certainly a factor. What is also a factor is their histories. That they need to come to grips with their stories. And overcome them.</p><p></p><p>The abandonment. In my son's case the rage about abuse, about having been damaged by parents drug abuse. His mocking me for rescuing him. accusing me as motivated by the need to redeem myself. Finding a sense of value.</p><p></p><p>All of this they are having to work through. And us with them.</p><p></p><p>Oh. how I know how hard this is. Oh how I know the despair.</p><p></p><p>We have to find ways to live centered in ourselves. Not them. They cannot carry our need. Not of them. Nor of our need to be reassured. That all is not lost.</p><p></p><p>Our lives are valuable. We are valuable. Without condition. With or without them. Just as they are to us.</p><p></p><p>We are really on the same journey as are they. To connect with our intrinsic belovedness, independent of our stories. In spite of them. Happen what happens. In a 12 step group these hard, hard moments would be celebrated as lessons. I am thinking of going.</p><p></p><p>Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 734486, member: 18958"] I do not have time right now to respond at length or read the other replies but want to send hugs. Our situations are very similar. Son 29. Drug exposed. Both birth parents drugs. Both parents diagnosis. Son also off the rails in late teens. Me: the same torment and heartbreak as you. That said. I say this to both if us: if there was ever the time for your faith it is now. If there was ever a moment for prayer it is now. If there was ever the need to surrender it is now. The fear. The loss. Desperation. Heartbreak. You are writing the end of the story. More. You are trying to control the story. You know this: these are not our stories to write. We write our own stories with our lives. Here, in this place, is your potential for control. Your place. The worth of your life. How will you act? Given this great challenge presented by life? This is what my son would tell you: mom. It's existential. While mental illness is certainly a factor. While drug exposure is certainly a factor. What is also a factor is their histories. That they need to come to grips with their stories. And overcome them. The abandonment. In my son's case the rage about abuse, about having been damaged by parents drug abuse. His mocking me for rescuing him. accusing me as motivated by the need to redeem myself. Finding a sense of value. All of this they are having to work through. And us with them. Oh. how I know how hard this is. Oh how I know the despair. We have to find ways to live centered in ourselves. Not them. They cannot carry our need. Not of them. Nor of our need to be reassured. That all is not lost. Our lives are valuable. We are valuable. Without condition. With or without them. Just as they are to us. We are really on the same journey as are they. To connect with our intrinsic belovedness, independent of our stories. In spite of them. Happen what happens. In a 12 step group these hard, hard moments would be celebrated as lessons. I am thinking of going. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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