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feeling I am to blame
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 645393" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Oh boy, I think most of us here could win awards on beating ourselves up, on being guilty, on blaming ourselves for what our kids do. You are not alone!</p><p></p><p>And, here's what I learned........... that guilt? That self blame? That beating yourself up? It all serves absolutely NO purpose whatsoever but to keep YOU stuck in those negative feelings. You did the best you could, like every single one of us here did. Were we perfect? Hell no. We ALL make mistakes. And, even the most enlightened, loving, nurturing, wonderful parents have kids who go off the rails. You can spend your life blaming yourself or you can forgive yourself, realize you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and move on. And, your son is now an adult who will have to face life. I had terrible parenting as a kid, it sucked, but I was the one who sought out therapy and I was the one who made my life work. That's what we adults do. Or we don't. But we can't spend our lives blaming our parents for what is now OUR life.</p><p></p><p>Let it go. Let it all go. Put it in the past where it belongs and start a whole new chapter today. Your son is 20, my daughter is 42, in both cases it's their life and not ours. I can't feel guilty anymore or responsible anymore, it's now up to them to do it. That self blame will ruin your life if you let it. Guilt requires punishment, stop punishing yourself. You have a right to enjoy your life regardless of how your son is presently faring.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 645393, member: 13542"] Oh boy, I think most of us here could win awards on beating ourselves up, on being guilty, on blaming ourselves for what our kids do. You are not alone! And, here's what I learned........... that guilt? That self blame? That beating yourself up? It all serves absolutely NO purpose whatsoever but to keep YOU stuck in those negative feelings. You did the best you could, like every single one of us here did. Were we perfect? Hell no. We ALL make mistakes. And, even the most enlightened, loving, nurturing, wonderful parents have kids who go off the rails. You can spend your life blaming yourself or you can forgive yourself, realize you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and move on. And, your son is now an adult who will have to face life. I had terrible parenting as a kid, it sucked, but I was the one who sought out therapy and I was the one who made my life work. That's what we adults do. Or we don't. But we can't spend our lives blaming our parents for what is now OUR life. Let it go. Let it all go. Put it in the past where it belongs and start a whole new chapter today. Your son is 20, my daughter is 42, in both cases it's their life and not ours. I can't feel guilty anymore or responsible anymore, it's now up to them to do it. That self blame will ruin your life if you let it. Guilt requires punishment, stop punishing yourself. You have a right to enjoy your life regardless of how your son is presently faring. [/QUOTE]
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feeling I am to blame
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