Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Feeling like a terrible mother but....
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 655356" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Weary, I think the phone call is a really good sign. She is (we all hope) reaching a bottom. Is it THE bottom? Who knows? I agree with RE's post above that if we can hold firm, many times we will start to see these types of changes in our dcs. </p><p></p><p>My son was a tough, tough case. I had no idea the lengths I would have to go to, when I first started working on boundaries and detachment with love, with him. I could not have imagined. I posted earlier about only allowing phone calls once a week between a certain time. The reason I had to resort to that type of very strict boundary is that he would call and text and FB message me constantly, dozens to 100s of times a day with just question marks or .... </p><p></p><p>I kicked him out multiple times after he stole from me, smoked pot in my house, lied over and over again and wouldn't do the simplest thing I asked. </p><p></p><p>I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave my front porch after coming to the house in the middle of the night time and again.</p><p></p><p>He wasn't going to quit. If I had kept on, he would still be doing those things. </p><p></p><p>Little by little, I was able to do this, with a lot of back steps. When he got stabbed last summer by his now current girlfriend, he left the hospital AMA after his surgery the same night. We had all been there for him, waiting, and saw him after surgery. He was belligerent with us and with the hospital staff. I finally left the hospital room. All we were doing was agitating him. About an hour or two later, he pulled up to my front door (someone had driven him) and he pounded on my door asking to be let in, crying, saying he had to find the girlfriend, that she didn't do it, blah blah blah. I said leave here now I am not letting you in this house. He drove away after a few minutes and went back to the hospital.</p><p></p><p>Insanity. </p><p></p><p>Today, as I have been telling you all, he seems to be doing so much better. He'll be 26 in July. I think this is a key factor in his situation, his age now. </p><p></p><p>Last night he sent me a text that he had sent to a technology school rep here who he has been talking with about becoming an electrician. You can't believe how professional, respectful and responsible that message was. It was something I never thought I would hear from him. </p><p></p><p>He talked honestly about how he is trying to rebuild his life and that he has a criminal past but he wants to go to school and needs assistance to do it. He didn't ask me to help with the text and the communication and he hasn't asked me to do any of it. </p><p></p><p>Things can change. People can come back who they really are and were. I know it doesn't happen in all cases, and I'm cautiously optimistic about my son---I realize things can go south again. I am working, I continue to work, to stay out of the way as much as possible. To let him figure his life out. To have communication but not daily. He doesn't need me in his daily business. He needs to learn how to function as an adult in this world, and that doesn't mean Mommy every day. </p><p></p><p>He also knows we love him and we are here for him, both his dad and myself. </p><p></p><p>Hang in there. Stay the distance. See what happens. If you can just keep on letting the Universe take its course with her, like you are doing right now, things will change. In some way. </p><p></p><p>We're here for you, Weary. We know how draining this is.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 655356, member: 17542"] Weary, I think the phone call is a really good sign. She is (we all hope) reaching a bottom. Is it THE bottom? Who knows? I agree with RE's post above that if we can hold firm, many times we will start to see these types of changes in our dcs. My son was a tough, tough case. I had no idea the lengths I would have to go to, when I first started working on boundaries and detachment with love, with him. I could not have imagined. I posted earlier about only allowing phone calls once a week between a certain time. The reason I had to resort to that type of very strict boundary is that he would call and text and FB message me constantly, dozens to 100s of times a day with just question marks or .... I kicked him out multiple times after he stole from me, smoked pot in my house, lied over and over again and wouldn't do the simplest thing I asked. I threatened to call the police if he didn't leave my front porch after coming to the house in the middle of the night time and again. He wasn't going to quit. If I had kept on, he would still be doing those things. Little by little, I was able to do this, with a lot of back steps. When he got stabbed last summer by his now current girlfriend, he left the hospital AMA after his surgery the same night. We had all been there for him, waiting, and saw him after surgery. He was belligerent with us and with the hospital staff. I finally left the hospital room. All we were doing was agitating him. About an hour or two later, he pulled up to my front door (someone had driven him) and he pounded on my door asking to be let in, crying, saying he had to find the girlfriend, that she didn't do it, blah blah blah. I said leave here now I am not letting you in this house. He drove away after a few minutes and went back to the hospital. Insanity. Today, as I have been telling you all, he seems to be doing so much better. He'll be 26 in July. I think this is a key factor in his situation, his age now. Last night he sent me a text that he had sent to a technology school rep here who he has been talking with about becoming an electrician. You can't believe how professional, respectful and responsible that message was. It was something I never thought I would hear from him. He talked honestly about how he is trying to rebuild his life and that he has a criminal past but he wants to go to school and needs assistance to do it. He didn't ask me to help with the text and the communication and he hasn't asked me to do any of it. Things can change. People can come back who they really are and were. I know it doesn't happen in all cases, and I'm cautiously optimistic about my son---I realize things can go south again. I am working, I continue to work, to stay out of the way as much as possible. To let him figure his life out. To have communication but not daily. He doesn't need me in his daily business. He needs to learn how to function as an adult in this world, and that doesn't mean Mommy every day. He also knows we love him and we are here for him, both his dad and myself. Hang in there. Stay the distance. See what happens. If you can just keep on letting the Universe take its course with her, like you are doing right now, things will change. In some way. We're here for you, Weary. We know how draining this is. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Feeling like a terrible mother but....
Top