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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 675698" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>Hi kimberly, so sorry about your heartache, I know the sting of it, have been exactly where you are at, <em>many times</em>. Welcome to the forum, although I am sorry for your need to be here. It is a good place to be, for folks like us, there are many here who have been in similar dire straights with our adult children.</p><p> This same thing happened to us and our home.</p><p>Don't be so hard on yourself, <em>no</em>, <em>not stupid and gullible</em>, rather, you believed your daughter, because you did not teach her these things, and you, probably like me, would not even consider doing such things to your parents. Maybe you were the same as me, too, at first, I thought I was <em>misplacing things</em>. Then it just keeps continuing, and we put two and two together.</p><p>I understand your fear and frustration. At this stage, I would be<em> glad </em>to see my daughter in jail.I never thought I would be writing something like this, but it seems it would be some kind of turning point......This is a consequence of your girls choices, so there is nothing <em>you</em> can do.</p><p>I believe that drugs, <em>replace conscience</em>. Drugs become the master, and it does not matter to addicts, how they get money for their next high.</p><p></p><p>Family becomes the perfect target, because we will try anything to "help" our children. The problem is, at this time, they do not want help. They want to keep on doing what they are doing. I do not think they see what they become capable of, they are blinded by their need to get high.</p><p>I remember feeling this desperation, with my two girls. We did not know what to do. It is because there really is nothing we can do to have control over the situation. It has to come from our adult children. They usually do not see the need to change, <em>especially living under our roof</em>. Many here will tell you this. Not to sound harsh, it is true.If your daughter wants to continue this lifestyle, she will. She is the captain of her ship. Her ship is sailing right into a storm, she does not care to see this. <em>You see it, </em>but you have no control over this voyage she is on.</p><p>You do not have to go down with her ship, you are the captain of your own.</p><p> Her brothers are smart. Just like my well children, they saw what was happening and detached. It was too much misery and betrayal of the family. My kids said "As long as my sisters keep choosing drugs, we do not want to have anything to do with them."</p><p>kimberly, we have all felt this way, at this juncture. We realize our d cs are on a destructive path, and we do not want to see them on this road. We do everything in our power, to try to stop it, <em>but we have no say in the matter.</em> The longer we hold on, the more we become entangled with their choices, we are on a parallel path with them, filled with emotion and fear <em>and that is where the feelings of hopelessness come on strong.</em></p><p></p><p>You know what? <em>There is always hope</em>, none of us here have lost hope, or given up on our d cs.</p><p>Most of us have<em> given in to the reality</em>, that our d cs are on their own path, making these choices, and it is unacceptable, for this to be happening in our homes. It is unacceptable, for us to go into a downward spiral, over the choices and consequences of our d cs. </p><p>So, we lovingly detach. There is a good article on the PE forum</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p>This helps me to stand firm, I read it over, and over.</p><p> You will get through this, my dear. It is hard, but, <em>you have value, and much to live for. </em></p><p>You have already taken a big step, by being here and sharing your story. Keep posting, and venting, it really helps. Read other folks threads, and reply if you feel up to it. It helps to know that we are not alone. You have already received some very good advice. That is what is so good about being here, learning from others who have been in similar situations. The ultimate decision is yours, there is no right or wrong. </p><p>The good folks here care, because we have been where you are. You are not alone.</p><p></p><p>If you believe in a higher power, pray, read, read and read. Find a group, al-anon or nar-anon. Seek a therapist if you need to, I did, to help get my head on straight again. I was so turned upside down with all of this.</p><p></p><p>Do take care, and take time to breathe. You will be okay. </p><p>Your daughter needs to figure her life out. </p><p>All of our children do, easy, or difficult.</p><p>The best we can do, is take a step back, and let them try their wings.</p><p></p><p>Peace be to you and yours</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 675698, member: 19522"] Hi kimberly, so sorry about your heartache, I know the sting of it, have been exactly where you are at, [I]many times[/I]. Welcome to the forum, although I am sorry for your need to be here. It is a good place to be, for folks like us, there are many here who have been in similar dire straights with our adult children. This same thing happened to us and our home. Don't be so hard on yourself, [I]no[/I], [I]not stupid and gullible[/I], rather, you believed your daughter, because you did not teach her these things, and you, probably like me, would not even consider doing such things to your parents. Maybe you were the same as me, too, at first, I thought I was [I]misplacing things[/I]. Then it just keeps continuing, and we put two and two together. I understand your fear and frustration. At this stage, I would be[I] glad [/I]to see my daughter in jail.I never thought I would be writing something like this, but it seems it would be some kind of turning point......This is a consequence of your girls choices, so there is nothing [I]you[/I] can do. I believe that drugs, [I]replace conscience[/I]. Drugs become the master, and it does not matter to addicts, how they get money for their next high. Family becomes the perfect target, because we will try anything to "help" our children. The problem is, at this time, they do not want help. They want to keep on doing what they are doing. I do not think they see what they become capable of, they are blinded by their need to get high. I remember feeling this desperation, with my two girls. We did not know what to do. It is because there really is nothing we can do to have control over the situation. It has to come from our adult children. They usually do not see the need to change, [I]especially living under our roof[/I]. Many here will tell you this. Not to sound harsh, it is true.If your daughter wants to continue this lifestyle, she will. She is the captain of her ship. Her ship is sailing right into a storm, she does not care to see this. [I]You see it, [/I]but you have no control over this voyage she is on. You do not have to go down with her ship, you are the captain of your own. Her brothers are smart. Just like my well children, they saw what was happening and detached. It was too much misery and betrayal of the family. My kids said "As long as my sisters keep choosing drugs, we do not want to have anything to do with them." kimberly, we have all felt this way, at this juncture. We realize our d cs are on a destructive path, and we do not want to see them on this road. We do everything in our power, to try to stop it, [I]but we have no say in the matter.[/I] The longer we hold on, the more we become entangled with their choices, we are on a parallel path with them, filled with emotion and fear [I]and that is where the feelings of hopelessness come on strong.[/I] You know what? [I]There is always hope[/I], none of us here have lost hope, or given up on our d cs. Most of us have[I] given in to the reality[/I], that our d cs are on their own path, making these choices, and it is unacceptable, for this to be happening in our homes. It is unacceptable, for us to go into a downward spiral, over the choices and consequences of our d cs. So, we lovingly detach. There is a good article on the PE forum [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] This helps me to stand firm, I read it over, and over. You will get through this, my dear. It is hard, but, [I]you have value, and much to live for. [/I] You have already taken a big step, by being here and sharing your story. Keep posting, and venting, it really helps. Read other folks threads, and reply if you feel up to it. It helps to know that we are not alone. You have already received some very good advice. That is what is so good about being here, learning from others who have been in similar situations. The ultimate decision is yours, there is no right or wrong. The good folks here care, because we have been where you are. You are not alone. If you believe in a higher power, pray, read, read and read. Find a group, al-anon or nar-anon. Seek a therapist if you need to, I did, to help get my head on straight again. I was so turned upside down with all of this. Do take care, and take time to breathe. You will be okay. Your daughter needs to figure her life out. All of our children do, easy, or difficult. The best we can do, is take a step back, and let them try their wings. Peace be to you and yours (((HUGS))) leafy [/QUOTE]
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