Feeling really down tonight...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tracy551, Apr 5, 2007.

  1. tracy551

    tracy551 New Member

    No real new news tonight just feel the need to chat. I guess I'm alittle depressed 2nite. Talked with difficult child and casework on conference call today. They are still looking for a placement to best suit his needs. I really wish the best place was home but I know it's not. I just want to go take him from the shelter and bring him home and have him do right. he promises if he comes home things will be different and he will do whatever he has to do. I want so much to believe him and in a way I do. I'M SO CONFUSED!!! I go thru these moods of being ok and knowing he need to be put some place to get help and then thinking if he comes home instead he would behave and go to school and stay away from the drugs, etc, etc. :rolleyes:
    How do we as parents just leave our kids? how do we walk away and hope things will be better?
    I feel like I am abandoning him!!!! I'm his mom and I should not let him hurt this way.
    HELP I'M NOT DOING TOO GOOD TONIGHT.
     
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    You're not abandoning him. You're not walking away and just hoping. You're getting help for him. You're doing something that is so incredibly hard and painful to do because you realize that this is what needs to be done in order for you son to get the help he needs. Yes, he's hurting. But you recognize that if he doesn't get help, he's just going to be hurting more.

    I know you want to believe him. As mom's we all want to believe our kids. We all want to think the best. I'm sure his intentions are in the right place. I'm not so sure on his ability to follow through on those right now, though.

    I know it's hard, hon. I know your heart aches. It's because you love him so much that you are willing to put yourself through this torment in order to help him.

    {{{{{HUGS}}}}}}} Hang in there. I'll keep you and yours in my thoughts.
     
  3. oceans

    oceans New Member

    You are feeling like you are letting your son down. I can totally understand. You are probably having these doubts because it is taking so long to find a placement for him. I think that if he was already placed, and you saw the program and what it could offer him, it would seem a little easier. It will always be difficult, but is it reality that he could come home right now and stay away from the problems that got him in this situation? If he came home and life continued in the same way as before, then what? Would things be worse for you and your family? You would need to start all over again to get to where you are right now. He stands more chance of making it at home if he goes through a good structured program first. He is also learning that there are consequences to his actions. That you can't always change things and make things better for him. It will make him think before he acts in the future. I do understand where you are coming from...I am certain that I would be going through the same emotions as you are.
     
  4. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    I'm sorry you are hurting. It's so hard to feel like you are "walking away" but often as parents we have no other options. I wish I had done more "walking" when my difficult child was younger. I wish I had let him take more of the responsibility for his "recovery" on himself. I wish I had not worked to "soften" the blows of his consequences. Maybe he would be in college now instead of sitting in cellblock F in county lock-up.
     
  5. Fran

    Fran Former Site Owner

    Sorry you are feeling down.
    If you have a plan to fix difficult child then maybe you should take him but all of us know that we tried and we couldn't do it. Love and mommy's hugs doesn't fix our difficult child's. None of us got magic with motherhood.
    Give him your love and look at what he needs most to get better.
     
  6. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    I have nothing to add to what has already been said. I am just sending you my heartfelt support and caring (((((((HUGS))))))))
    -RM
     
  7. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    So sorry Tracy. I agree with-Oceans, that if he already had an appropriate placement, you'd be feeling better about the whole thing. It's so hard not to second guess. It's not like you haven't tried.
    We cannot always protect our children from hurt. In fact, in order for them to have a conscience, they have to hurt. In order for them to succeed, they have to fail in small increments so they--and you--can set the bar higher.
    It hurts us to watch but we have to know we're doing the right thing.
    And you are.
     
  8. kris

    kris New Member

    <span style='font-size: 14pt'> <span style='font-family: Georgia'> <span style="color: #3333FF"> aww, tracy.

    i think all this self~doubt is a normal thing.

    this is not abandoment....this is a last ditch effort to save his life. you only have a small window of opportunity to get him the help he so obviously needs.

    from all the postings i've read here by parents who had to place their kids out of home i've heard about the promises/bargans the kids try to strike to keep from having to go. it seems to happen EVERTY SINGLE TIME. truth is at that point the kids will promise the world so they can come home. it never works out that they live up to those promises.

    now repeat after me, "I AM SAVING MY SON'S LIFE!" lather, rinse repeat as necessary.

    stay strong.

    kris
    </span> </span> </span>
     
  9. SearchingForRainbows

    SearchingForRainbows Active Member

    You are doing what you have to do in order to help difficult child. It seems like things always get worse before they get better... Please don't be so hard on yourself!!! You are doing what you are doing out of love for difficult child.

    Please use the time he is away to take care of yourself. Don't feel guilty if you find yourself enjoying the peace and quiet and not missing the drama of daily life with a difficult child. You will be able to help difficult child so much more if you take the time to take care of yourself. WFEN
     
  10. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Oh Sweetie,
    You are doing the right thing and it is not abandonment. Please take care of you-be gentle on yourself. Gentle hugs and prayers.
     
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