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Feeling regret
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<blockquote data-quote="TheWalrus" data-source="post: 678261" data-attributes="member: 19905"><p>I visualize the makeup of a person like a jigsaw puzzle - there are many pieces that make the picture of what we become. Hopefully, as we grow older, the picture continues to change and grow and become more detailed as we learn from our experiences.</p><p></p><p>As parents, when our children don't blossom and fail, we get it in our minds that we are the biggest piece of that puzzle, or even the only piece. And that if we had done this...and this....and this...and this differently, the pieces would have fit. Then we fall into the "what if" game and regret after regret eats you alive. I have done it many, many, many times.</p><p></p><p>But we are most definitely NOT the only piece or even the biggest piece of our child's personality puzzle. Every friend, family member, enemy is a piece. Every positive and negative experience, every triumph and every failure, every win and every loss goes into what makes a person who they are. Every choice your child made is part of that puzzle, as well as choices you and others made for your child. </p><p></p><p>InsaneCdn is right - even if you had a do-over and somehow "magically" undid every parental "wrong" you committed (because only perfect parents have successful children, right?), it would do very little if anything at all to change the picture of who he is today. Human beings are too complicated and too many pieces go into our makeup - genetics, environment, upbringing, experiences, peers, education, economics....- and for whatever reason, with our children, the pieces don't fit right. </p><p></p><p>Only when they are able to look at themselves honestly and reflectively, decide that they don't like what they see, and put in the work to rearrange those pieces can they change the landscape of their lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="TheWalrus, post: 678261, member: 19905"] I visualize the makeup of a person like a jigsaw puzzle - there are many pieces that make the picture of what we become. Hopefully, as we grow older, the picture continues to change and grow and become more detailed as we learn from our experiences. As parents, when our children don't blossom and fail, we get it in our minds that we are the biggest piece of that puzzle, or even the only piece. And that if we had done this...and this....and this...and this differently, the pieces would have fit. Then we fall into the "what if" game and regret after regret eats you alive. I have done it many, many, many times. But we are most definitely NOT the only piece or even the biggest piece of our child's personality puzzle. Every friend, family member, enemy is a piece. Every positive and negative experience, every triumph and every failure, every win and every loss goes into what makes a person who they are. Every choice your child made is part of that puzzle, as well as choices you and others made for your child. InsaneCdn is right - even if you had a do-over and somehow "magically" undid every parental "wrong" you committed (because only perfect parents have successful children, right?), it would do very little if anything at all to change the picture of who he is today. Human beings are too complicated and too many pieces go into our makeup - genetics, environment, upbringing, experiences, peers, education, economics....- and for whatever reason, with our children, the pieces don't fit right. Only when they are able to look at themselves honestly and reflectively, decide that they don't like what they see, and put in the work to rearrange those pieces can they change the landscape of their lives. [/QUOTE]
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