Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Feeling Sad, Jul 7, 2015.

  1. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    I am new to this site. I have a son who is 35 and has paranoid schizophrenia. He lived in his car for a year 10 years ago in a different state because I had gone into his room when he was not home due to flooding. After a year, he returned home. He told me later that " a man kept following him" up there. I got an apartment for him, but he did not charge his phone and would not let us in the gated complex. He did not go to schoo, see friends,l or work. After 4 months he came back home to live.
    I have been trying in vain to get him to see a doctor for the last 9 years. I have 2 sisters with schizophrenia and am a special education teacher. I feel guilty because of my DNA, as well as, not being able to help my son while I am able to help others.
    He has become increasingly more violent by threatening to kill me and destroying a lot of things. My youngest son is 23 and keeps a knife by his bed for safety. My ill son stabbed my kitchen cabinets and threw objects with such force that they would go through the vinyl flooring to the cement.
    The game changer came when he had destroyed the 3rd computer. I became tighter with money and refused to go out with him until he got help. After 10 days of being firm, I said no again to going out to get fast food. He then said that he would have to break something. He started drooling, which he does when he is really psychotic. My youngest son came around the corner and gave me a look as if inquiring, "What is wrong?" I smiled and waved him off because I did not want him to get hurt. He was just leaving. I went around the corner to watch t.v. to try to diffuse the situation. He then started singing, "Ding Dong the Witch is Dead". He talks to voices in his room and does not know that I can hear him through the walls. After a while of his talking to his voices I heard him say, "I don't want to kill her. She's my mother". Then he said,"Uh uh. I understand."
    Three rounds of this and I ran out to my car. My son had complied with his voices in the past and my sister did when I was little. I asked for a crisis trained officer but was told that I will get who is nearest. The 3 officers had no empathy and refused to even go into the house. They said that legally they could not do anything because he had not threatened me to my face. I said that he has in the past many times. In fact I had called them 2 years ago when he had threatened to cut my face up. At that time they just told me to evict him. I begged them to help me because he had threatened to kill me several times if I call the police and he saw us out the window. They told me to get a restraining order the next day.
    My youngest son and I spent 6 days in a hotel while I went to court for an emergency restraining order. I spoke with numerous agencies to try and get an involuntary trreatment in place. I was scared of my son, but also scared for my son.
    While the plan was in action, I was kept down the street. My youngest son let a behavioral health worker in while 5 officers secretly took positions. The worker tried to talk to my son through his door for about 5 minutes and there was no response. Then the police grabbed him and pulled him out. He made up a lie about talking out loud when he writes and that he was only joking about killing me. Although he has not worked, gone to school, or seen friends in 9 years, they said that he was acting okay and did not qualify for hospitalization. They served him with the restraining order that had a move out order and then escorted him out of the neighborhood in his car.
    I have been told by several therapists that it was a very dangerous situation and to change the locks and put in an alarm system. I am very nervous and have had nightmares. I cannot tell you how it feels to be afraid of your own son. I have read that paranoid schizophrenics who kill usually kill the mother and it is often while the mother is trying to get her son into treatment.
    My heart is breaking. My son is now homeless, ill, and scared. He will not go to a shelter because he is afraid of people. I do not know where he is. I can't sleep and cry all the time. Crazy as it sounds, I drove around twice trying to find him. I know that I had to keep my 23 year old son safe, but I am going crazy with fear of my other son being hurt or killing himself. He can't come home because of the restraining order. I have been told that if I am lucky he will be arrested or brought in due to strange behavior. I need help...
  2. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Feeling Sad, I am so sorry. Our mental health system is so very broken. I am sure you have tried it all, so any thoughts I have at this point would likely be "been there and done that."

    I know I was very thankful that several times I was able to get my son to the ER, with the help of police, where he could be evaluated anew. He threatened to kill himself several times, which is when police will act without many questions. It sounds like threatening to kill somebody else, like in your case, doesn't get the same response. That is awful.

    Of course you drove around looking for him. You love him. Of course you are terrified of him, who wouldn't be, with the way he is acting and talking and past history.

    I wish I had good answers. I know this: You have to focus on your own physical safety. When we look at our own basic needs---in order to keep breathing and functioning---first has to come our physical safety.

    You also know that allowing him to stay at your house hasn't helped him. He's not better.

    Can you decide that no matter what, you have to have a sanctuary for yourself and your other son? That he cannot come there again. For any reason.

    Then, can you work to feel your deep feelings of grief and pain and sadness FOR HIM and his life? Just allow those feelings to flood through you, and sit with them, and welcome them in? I learned that keeping my pain at bay did not work, and it did not help me or my son. I learned that my pain would not kill me. In fact, on the other side of that pain, is the beginning of healing, regardless of what your son or my son do next.

    Then, as you are grieving, can you begin to work on yourself more and more? Can you start working on detachment? Letting him go? There is a great post on this forum at the top, take a look, on detachment. Print it out and read it over and over again.

    You can't help somebody who won't help himself. You know that. All of the good intentions and hopes and prayers in the world won't do it, unless HE wants to take medication and get the help that is available for his mental illness.

    You didn't cause this. You can't control it. You can't cure it. Those are the Three Cs in Al-Anon about addiction and alcoholism. They also apply here. In my family, on both sides, there is addiction. Does that mean I caused my son's addiction? No. It is what it is. We have to work through and let go of the guilt that comes with knowing our genetic makeup comes with this.

    The world is a terribly imperfect place, with so much good and so much pain. It is life on life's terms. Life is chaotic and messy and painful and joyful and wonderful and blessed. This is a part of life. There is nothing we did to will this situation into being, and we would give anything to stop it.

    But we can't. Hang in there. Keep posting here. I can tell you this other thing: There is a way to live, being happy and peaceful and joyful and contented, in the midst of our precious, precious adult children's chaotic, self-destructive lives. I know, because I finally got to that place, most of the time. Not all of the time. But most of the time.

    Warm hugs this morning. We get it and we care.
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  3. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Is he on disability? Does he have a caseworker you can contact?

    Sadly, schizophrenics, unlike others with problems, really can not tell reality from fantasy and honestly believe their medicine is poisoned or people are going to kill them. It is a really sad illness and a shame to our country that there is nowhere for schizophrenics to live so that taking medicine for it is part of their daily routine. Unlike, say, bipolar, his not taking medication or getting help is steeped in honest fear, not defiance or will. I have read that the voices are so real to them that they are extremely compelling and often the patient doesn't kn ow they are hallucinations so he really isn't to blame...he is extremely ill and possibly dangerous. Many times they end up in prison, which is the new mental institutions of the U.S. I saw a sad, scary documentary on how jail/prison is where the truly mentally ill now get their treatment...since hospitals shut down.

    Since your son is so sick, and deluded, I recommend calling outside people to help you. Do have court-ordered legal guardianship over him? It would help if you got it. Then you could make calls for him and tell his caseworkers and doctors how bad he is and they can do whatever is legally possible. If you don't have guardianship, they won't even talk to you.

    In the 60's a group of people decided that psychotic people have "civil rights" even though t hey are incapable of understanding them or hellping themselves. That is why I suggest guardianship. You need to protect yourself and stay far in distance from him, but you may also want to be able to at least warn others who may be able to take him somewhere safe that he is on the street and very ill.

    There is really nothing else you can do, due to our laws, and I agree that you need to keep him out of your house. I am so sorry this horrible illness affects your family. They live in a state of hello and unlike other mental illnesses they have little control over taking care of themselves. But you can't do much either. The law doesn't allow it once they turn eighteen...without guardianship. Even then, there are limits, but at least you'd be able to try to warn others that he is out and about and they will at least talk to you about it.

    Hugs for your hurting heart.
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  4. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    I am so sorry that your son has such a terrible illness. It is not his fault, nor is it yours. This can happen to anyone.

    There are places that he can go if he gets into the system. Assisted living for the mentally ill is available. My X is schizo-affective disorder (at least that's the last diagnoses I know about). He is now, finally, in assisted living and has applied for disability.

    The problem is getting him into the system!

    My X finally went to the emergency room back last summer with physical complaints and they tried to get his mother or brother to come get him. They refused to take him back, as he had been escalating in his delusions and was no longer safe to be in their homes. The brother made it clear that THEY, the hospital, as the system's representative, must take control. I am not privy to the details, but he stayed in the hospital until a spot was available in a mental health facility several months later. Then to an assisted living facility just a couple of months ago, where he resides today, getting his medication regularly, as well as close monitoring by the staff and counseling. What a relief that was to all concerned!

    The hospital had been relentless in trying to get any and all relatives to take over for them, but they all held tough. My poor adult kids were hounded and shamed by the hospital over their refusal, but they all (all relatives) realized that he needed professional help, and going to live with any one of them would not do any good. And luckily for us, he did agree to stay in the hospital and get help. Maybe he hit his rock bottom and understood that he needed help.

    As a delusional, sometimes violent adult male, you cannot control him. He is dangerous while unmedicated and delusional. It is time for the authorities to step in. You can't have him back!

    I would pursue guardianship through the courts. You will need a lawyer, but in the long run, the cost will be offset when you no longer have to replace electronics, house repairs, and they best thing of all-peace of mind and not fear of what your son may do to you or someone else.

    I would get a lawyer today and start coming up with a plan of action. If the first lawyer tries to brush you off, go to another one until someone listens.

    I am praying for you, please keep us informed.

  5. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Thank you for the wonderful messages and support! I have tried in vain for my son to get help. Without an official diagnosis, I cannot apply for a conservatorship. He thus has no case manager and he has never been on medications. You are correct. Schizophrenics lack insight and have anosognosia. Yes, he believes all of his delusions and his hallucinations.

    I know that I did the right thing to keep my younger son safe. That was no way for him to live. I have lived with being threatened since I was 11 with my sister. The thing that is helping to keep me together is that my youngest son is now safe. I was hoping for a 5150, or involuntary hospitalization...at least 72 hours. I was hoping that some medications would enable him to have an bit of insight into his condition. The police that first night asked me outside how long before he "snaps out of it" and when does he "stop talking to voices?' I said the he is not going to snap out of it and his talking to voices is ongoing. The youngest of the three asked if I could have him come to the door. I told him that he is afraid of people because he is paranoid schizophrenic. After three private step asides, they said that they legally could not go into my house because he did not threaten my life to my face. They did not think that command hallucinations count as a viable threat. I told them that they are much more dangerous and that I was a special education teacher. I told them that my sister complied with her voices and had set a dress on fire and jumped from a balcony. I said that he had threatened me to my face several times. I begged them to go in because he had told me several times that if I called the police that he would kill me. He had looked out from behind a curtain 3 times. They told me that they could not give me an emergency restraining order and that I would have to get one myself. Hence, the 6 days in an hotel.

    I found out that there was a possible disciplinary action, but all 3 officers lied to the commander and said that they had offered to go inside my house. It was truly a missed opportunity. Also, I had asked for Crisis Intervention Trained officers, but he said that I was going to get whoever was closest.. I thought that they would call the crisis mobile unit. I was so afraid that I forgot to call them on my own.

    When they did finally go to my house 6 days later, my son was able to lie his way through it. I needed him out, but my heart is breaking because he is out there someplace with his voices and paranoia of people. I wish that i could have given him a note. I do not know where he is. I feel so guilty. I know that he was not getting better here with me, but at least I knew where he was. I have been told that being out there might make his symptoms worse. Sometimes, I have heard, it takes several arrests until he might get treatment. If he acts strange...then he might get help. In the past, he only talked to himself in his room. I just feel like I am going crazy. I am scared of my own son and also miss and worry about his well-being. It is like a nightmare that never ends.

    I really appreciate all of your help. Thank you for starting my own thread and all of your kind words of support. I feel better because I do not feel alone. You are right that I need to feel safe. My son put in an alarm system for us. I am trying to relax and keep busy, but I cannot stop worrying and feeling guilty. Schizophrenics are very child-like. My sister who became schizophrenic when i was 11 and she was 13, was doing better at 21. My parents got her an apartment. She got on the wrong bus that took her downtown. A man told her that you cannot be on a bus after dark. He was a pimp and took her to a hotel and forced her to turn tricks for 2 weeks until she was found. She talked about him all the time until she died last year at 63.

    It just feels surreal to be afraid of my own son. I try to eat and get some sleep, but it is very difficult.
  6. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Welcome feeling sad. I'm sorry you find yourself here. And, I'm glad you found us.

    I understand the heartbreak of mental illness too, I have been surrounded by it my whole life. My brother has paranoid schizophrenia, so I can empathize with you. He lived on the streets of Los Angeles for many, many years before my other brother and I got him a hotel room where he still lives today. Eventually he was able to get SSI which is what he lives on today. We supplement his income on occasion when he runs out, it isn't a lot of money, but at least he is off the streets. He survived on the streets. There is a community of folks out there. In some ways, they look out for each other.

    My daughter has mental issues, never diagnosed, couch surfs, lives a strange nomadic life of her own choosing. She is 42 years old.

    My sister is bipolar. She does better and is a successful artist. Both my parents exhibited signs of mental illness, undiagnosed.

    I've had a lot of therapy to learn to be okay with myself. I had to learn how to detach from all of them. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. For most of us, learning to let go of what we cannot control is the most difficult thing we will ever do.........AND it becomes necessary if we are to have any kind of a life at all. With a lot of help, guidance and professional assistance, I've managed to muddle through this wild journey......so can you.

    I would suggest you contact NAMI. They have courses for parents which are excellent. They can offer resources and information and support for YOU. YOU need support. You've done all there is to do for your son for a very, very long time. It is now time to take care of YOU. You can access NAMI on line, they have chapters in many cities. If I were you, I would get myself a good therapist to learn how to detach in ways that are appropriate for you. In the final analysis, if your son is not willing to get the help he needs, there is nothing you can do accept worry yourself to death and ruin your own life. Make a different choice, choose life and choose to learn detachment........ultimately you will learn acceptance which is what brings peace of mind, regardless of what another is doing or not doing.

    This is a very sad tale. Made sadder by the fact that there is more than one victim here. You and your younger son are held hostage by the choices of someone who doesn't know how to, or chooses not to make healthy choices. Either way, there isn't anything you can do about it.

    I found solace in books by Pema Chodron, who is a Buddhist nun who addresses how to live with uncertainty. All of her books are worth reading. Books by Eckhart Tolle and Brene Brown were also very helpful. For me, in order to make these difficult changes, I had to keep myself in supportive environments a lot.......it takes a big commitment and the willingness to change and find different ways of responding. It is not easy. It is perhaps the hardest thing you will ever do. But......it is doable.

    I'm glad you're here with us. Keep posting, it helps. Find support for YOU. You deserve to have a life of peace and joy. You deserve to find happiness. Make that your priority now. Focus on you. As you do that, you will find answers, you will make choices out of a centered and balanced place, not out of fear.

    Sending you warm hugs. Hang in there.....we're here for you.
  7. blackgnat

    blackgnat Active Member

    My brother was a paranoid schizophrenic and your story resonates very strongly with me. I feel your pain.

    Nobody can understand it unless they've lived through it. He was diagnosed with it at age 21 when I was 14 so I grew up with it. And now it has manifested itself in my son...

    It is a living hell. Not sure I have advice-we just trudged through life thinking that chaos and insanity was normal and we learn to manage it...he eventually died at the age of 46 and God forgive me, it was a blessing. His life was a misery and a torment and I know he is at peace now. He certainly earned it.
  8. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    I could not be a conservator now because I filed a resttrainning order. It was the only way the police would help me. The judge ordered 5 years. My youngest son is not on the order so that my ill son could contact him. He is protected because he lives here with me. I will not let my youngest son see my ill son until he goes through a long treatment. I was hoping that they would do an involuntary 72 hour hold and I had planned that my youngest son could file to be his conservator. If he ever is hospitalized, my youngest son will try. Again, he has to be officially diagnosed. He is going to file a missing persons report because his brother is disabled and has not contacted him. We got him a phone that day he was served and my youngest son texted him twice, but he let it die. My son put on a family search option. It showed that he was in town for the first 3 days and then it went dead. My ill son has never called my youngest son and has only called me twice in the last 10 years.

    I feel calmer with your kind words of encouragement. I am sorry that any of us have to go through this suffering. The people on this site understand because they have faced similar situations. I am truly blessed that I found this site. The current system makes it nearly impossible to help our adult children. I will try to think more positive and try to take better care of myself. I know that I did the best I could, but I do not believe it yet...
  9. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    I have seen therapists and I was already in contact with NAMI, but have started to go to their support groups. I wish that I had taken their parenting class before all of this happened. I just did my best. I still feel like the system failed us.

    My youngest son, who is not on the restraining order, found out that he has been going to our shelter in town. They are supposed to be very good at helping people get counseling, SSI, and housing. I feel a bit better. He might just be going for showers, but they might be able to establish a rapport with him. I have more hope.

    I also found that he has taken money out of a small joint account we had and it has been withdrawn from banks in town. So I know that he is eating and perhaps, hopefully getting some guidance at the shelter.

    My youngest son is feeling better. Along with the alarm system, he put lights on outside and nightlights around the house. He seems more relaxed not having to worry about safety. I know that I did the best I could. I should have insisted on CIT trained officers and demanded that the mobile crisis unit be called. Being scared, I forgot this. I also found out if you are not happy with the officers' response to your call, that you can call the commander to resolve it. I found this out after the fact.

    Also, I have read that parents should leave and call the police each time there is violence. If I had called more often, perhaps they would have been more willing to help. At least there would be a prior history of violence. I had only called once in 2013. Even though I was afraid, I should have never allowed violence. It might have caused it to escalate. I think that my fear as a child being threatened by my schizophrenic sister kicked in and I felt helpless.

    This site has been so wonderful to me. Your calm words of support are helping me to get through this very difficult time. Your advice and shared experiences have helped me to feel a better. I am trying to realize that I had little or no control over his behavior and whether or not he sought help.

    I hope and pray that my son gets help. I know that tried my best given the difficult situation.
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  10. recoveringenabler

    recoveringenabler Well-Known Member Staff Member

    You did the best you could.......that's the truth for all of us, when we know better, we do better. You did what you did, now let it go. We all 'could have, should have, might have'......but we didn't, we did what we thought was best........that's all any of us can do.........focus on yourself now and let go of the past.......it's done........concentrate on the present moment and go on with your life now......you've done a good job of all of it. Let yourself know that and move on........your son is navigating on his own right now........this is good........take care of YOU.....

  11. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member


    This is a good development!

    Because he is no longer living in your home, he is having to rely on community & social services. This means he may be closer to getting 'in the system': get a diagnosis, medication, housing, disability, the list goes on.

    There is nothing more that you can do at this point. You have done everything possible.

    Does he have any court cases forthcoming, from the incident at your home and the restraining order?

    Hang in there!

    Praying that he gets the help he needs.

  12. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Black gnat, I am sorry that you have been through something very similar. You are right. Only a person who has gone through it can understand. It is a living hell. I try to apply logic to something that has no logic. The system is difficult to assess. He was not considered a threat to himself, a threat to others, or gravely disabled. I read a quote somewhere that compared it to being told that you have Cancer, but only treating you when you are in stage 4.

    I am so sorry that your son is affected. You probably feel exhausted like I do. I have 2 sisters with schizophrenia, one passed away last year. The illness is truly insidious. Your son is young, so there is hope with early treatment and with newer medicines.

    Recoveringenabler, you have also been greatly affected by mental illness. It is very difficult to carry on with life when you are faced with unknown difficulties each day. It must be very difficult for you. I am glad that you have found a way to carry on through all of it. It was probably a very difficult road.

    I used to compensate by being funny. Not now. I hope that I can become stronger for my youngest son. I have a middle son that lives away from home. He is not taking it very well. My youngest, I believe, is being strong for me.

    Thank you for all of your posts. I know that I could not chose my DNA. I am trying to feel less guilty and understand that I didn't really have control. I have read about detachment several times. It is starting to sink in a little. I have felt my whole life that with enough effort, anything could be accomplished. Sadly, it doesn't work with mental illness, or addictions for that matter...
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  13. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Apple, he did not show up for the restraining order after he was served by the police. I did not think that he would. She granted it for me. My youngest son took the day off from college and work and went with me for support. It was one of the most difficult things that I have ever done. I am sure that it was very difficult for my youngest son, as well. One poor woman had lost most of her nose because her schizophrenic daughter tried to bite it off. It is just so sad...
  14. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    I have started weekly therapy and have attended the bimonthly NAMI support groups. I have reread your wonderfully supportive words daily. I read online and take voluminous notes. It is so difficult. I am sleeping a little better. I just walk around feeling my heart breaking.

    My mind understands that I took the only steps that I could given the situation. I have been told by every therapist that it was, and continues to be, a very dangerous situation. My heart does not register. I have cared for him for 35 years. Yes, he was not getting better and I was not addressing violence in a firm way because of fear and, perhaps, hopes of his improvement. I know that he could not live here for my youngest son's mental and physical well-being. I realize, for the most part, that I could not have made him seek treatment. He was not being oppositional, he trully was afraid whether by his delusions or hallucinations. It is just so difficult to wrap my brain around the fact that my own son could have killed me...My own son. It is so hard to accept. Yes, I am careful and set the alarm system. But it is still a nightmare that I want to wake up from. The difficult thought that helps me is that my son, the way he was when he was not ill, would not want us to be hurt.

    I know that it is his illness, but not knowing how he is doing or feeling is very hard. I do take hope that he has gone to the shelter. It has made me feel a little calmer. I pray that he gets help. All of the people on this site are very courageous. I am just beginning this difficult process. I am taking it one day at a time. Thank you for all of your support.
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  15. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Hang in there, Feeling Sad. Hang in there.

    Just work hard to take it all just...one day at a time. If circumstances warrant, you can do something different. You can always change your mind and change what you are doing.

    It's sometimes helpful to write things down. Like one person on this forum writes it all down, so when she starts thinking about "helping" she first goes and rereads the whole horrible story to remind herself that well...maybe not.

    I used to write exactly what I would say if the phone rang and it was him. Things like:

    ***I'm sure you'll figure it out.
    ***I'm sorry that happened.
    ***I'm sure that was _____ (scary, awful, hot, cold, frustrating...fill in the blank).
    ***I love you.

    I always tried to say I love you at least once or twice. For myself. I wanted to have said it, if it was the last time I spoke to him. I also wanted to be vigilant about hearing a change if there ever was going to be a change. I asked my husband: How will I know if he has changed? He said, Oh, believe me, you'll know. The tone, the words, the everything will be different. And he was right.

    Most of the time, we "awfulize" which means, we think in black and white terms, always, never, should, shouldn't. "It will always be this way." "The worst will happen."

    Most of the time, none of that ever happens. Things continue to morph and change, and then we have to see if the circumstances warrant any change in us. Most of the time, they don't, but there is always that possibility.

    I think that is hard, always having to think and decide. It would be easier on us to either say all in or no more. But I guess that isn't life, at least life with a Difficult Child.

    We're here for you.
  16. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Thank you Childofmine. The only the police would help me to have him removed is either serving an eviction or a restraining order. I was going to do the less serious, an eviction, but after hearing him having command hallucinations about killing me, I had to go with a restraining order. Evictions take at least 45 days. My sister growing up had command hallucinations that she complied with. Hearing him argue with his voices was a big game changer.

    He is not allowed to come near me at home or work and cannot contact me via phone. When he broke the bottle and held it out to me threatening me if I called the police, it was 2 weeks earlier. I was told then that I needed more than an eviction. I went upstairs to start a restraining order, but the woman said to think it over because I might not ever see him again. I went home not knowing what to do. I decided to wait 2 weeks until I was done teaching for Summer break. It was my first official day off that he argued with his voices.

    My youngest son is not on the restraining order. He is in danger by proxi, but never was threatened. He is safe at my home by my restraining order. I had hoped to go for a conservatorship if he was involuntarily hospitalized. Oh, well. Although he does not use phones, we got him one with my youngest son's number on it. I will not let my youngest son see him except in a hospital or at a police station. But, he can call him for help or family support. No calls, but I have had several hang-ups on the house phone. I think that he is mad or wove the incident into his delusions.

    If he does call, I will talk to him. That you for the advice about planning my words in advance. My 2 therapists have both said that I will see him again. He will either be arrested or be taken in for strange behavior. That is a horrible thing to have on my wish list as a mother, but if that is what it takes... The third option is he goes for help on his own to qualify for SSI or housing. That, of course, is my favorite. My youngest is filing a missing persons report because he is mentally ill and we do not know where he is. The police or hospital will then have to contact my youngest son if he is brought in.

    The police told me to bring in a log with approximate dates of all strange or threatening behavior, which I am compiling. This will help in involuntary hospitalization if he is brought in. I also read that we want to request the mental health court.

    Thank you for your kind words. Yes...I am taking it day by day. I need to go back to work as an elementary special education teacher soon. I hope that I have the strength! It is very challenging and I feel totally burned out. I will keep on trying my best, with times of resolve for my youngest son's safety and tears for my eldest and his current plight. My therapist called it Sophie's choice. I find it very difficult to think about my own safety. I was told that I have been numbing out because I have gone through life threats since I was 11. But, I force myself to read and see reality. My mind still does not accept that my son would ever hurt me but voices, especially untreated, can compel them to comply. I am still very jumpy in my house, so part of me must believe it could happen. Thank you for your help. This site is wonderful. I feel so much better knowing that I am not alone. Take care.
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  17. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Good news, I hope. I received a bill for a lab fee for my son from the local medical center. It was for a visit 3 weeks after he was removed from my house because of the restraining order. It was probably not related to his schizophrenia, but it could be a physical. At least, it is in the right direction. I am going to pay the small copay to be supportive of his visit. He will not know either way, probably. It could have been just for a sore throat. I am still being very conservative in my hope.

    I am feeling very, very gradually better with my weekly therapy, reading the threads on this wonderful site, and attending NAMI support group. I continue, day by day... Thank you to all.
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  18. AppleCori

    AppleCori Well-Known Member

    I am so glad that you have 'heard' from your son, at least by proxy!

    It is so much harder when they are delusional and paranoid, yet, can't be helped against their will (even when their will is not really their will because they are not In their right mind).

    So difficult.

    I'm glad that you have found NAMI and this site.
  19. Feeling Sad

    Feeling Sad Active Member

    Still having a very difficult time and feeling extremely guilty. The part of my son that is child-like because of his schizophrenia is pulling on my mother heart strings. I worry all the time. I read the detachment page. It has helped me some, but I have a very long way to go. I excell with behavior modification with my special education students, but I realize, working with an adult son has completely different dynamics! He is paranoid of people and now he is out there with just his car that is in total disrepair. I feel like crying all the time. I find comfort in the fact that my youngest son is safe both mentally and physically. I know that my ill son could not get better while I protected him at home and did not have an effective approach to his violence. I hate to say it, but being single makes it more difficult.

    I brought my drinking glasses back out....before only plastic due to breakage. I can, for the first time in years, put nice things back out. It feels very strange though. My youngest son had a friend over for the first time in 7 years. He has only had his girlfriend over. She called his brother a ghost. She never saw him or just a quick glimpse, as he rapidly slipped into his room. He would freeze behind a couch and hide if there was no time to go to his room.

    The house is nice and peaceful, but I feel like crying when I walk past his room...My therapist told me to put his things in storage. I can't. She told me to empty his joint account...I can't.

    I am trying to feel positive about his going to the shelter and getting labs done at the doctors. Day by day.

    I hate not knowing where he is. I had no choice...I had to choose my other son's safety. But, his delusions and hallucinations are probably preventing him from getting help. I have been assured by my therapist that he does possess some bit of insight. I hope that she is correct! The mental health system is so ridiculous! At least for adults. My feelings keep swinging back and forth. It is much more difficult at night.
  20. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member

    Hi Feeling,

    I just want you to know that I am reading along and thinking about you. You seem to be making slow and steady progress and doing a lot of good things for yourself.

    Your son going to a shelter and getting labs done sounds like progress for him, also. As you have stated and know in your heart, your son was not getting better in your house. This had to happen so that each of you can have a chance for a better life.

    Keep good thoughts. Do something fun today.

    As COM said, Hang in there!

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