Feeling Sad---Son is Homeless
- Thread starter Feeling Sad
- Start date
Seeking Peace
Member
Feeling sad,
My heart goes out to you too as I know you are hurting deeply.
I'm just going to ask this:
Has anything you've done for your son changed things?
I finally realized we weren't equipped to help our daughter the way she needs to be helped. Furthermore, that she will NEVER change anything while living with us. Those two things are real.
While I worry constantly, and feel like I've abandoned her, I have to believe her being out there will lead her to the right place or person that truly CAN and WILL help her in the way she needs.
If we keep doing the same thing over and over, and it doesn't change, then we have to do something else.
I wouldn't think of it as forever. You'll see your son again, and God willing, he'll be getting the treatment he needs and will be able to think about things in a reasonable way. He'll understand why you took this step. Until then, it may well be safer this way.
Keep posting. You're not alone
My heart goes out to you too as I know you are hurting deeply.
I'm just going to ask this:
Has anything you've done for your son changed things?
I finally realized we weren't equipped to help our daughter the way she needs to be helped. Furthermore, that she will NEVER change anything while living with us. Those two things are real.
While I worry constantly, and feel like I've abandoned her, I have to believe her being out there will lead her to the right place or person that truly CAN and WILL help her in the way she needs.
If we keep doing the same thing over and over, and it doesn't change, then we have to do something else.
I wouldn't think of it as forever. You'll see your son again, and God willing, he'll be getting the treatment he needs and will be able to think about things in a reasonable way. He'll understand why you took this step. Until then, it may well be safer this way.
Keep posting. You're not alone
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Yes, I like to try to think of it as for now...it is what I needed to do tor now. I hope that I do see him again. I just feel like crying all of the time. It is soooooooh difficult being back at work. Normal stresses seem gigantic now. I feel so very fragile. I miss him so much. I can't stop worrying.
If I didn't have this fantastic site, I would have totally fallen apart.
Yes, Seeking, I could not help him here at home. Once he knew that I was afraid...and I was petrified towards the end, he held the upper hand. If I started to talk about seeing a doctor, he would smash something. If I threatened the police, he would say that he would kill me if I called. If I said no to something...he would become violent.
I work with behaviors all day, but this was a large adult with no back-up instructional aides. I am divorced. It is my son. I came home to him. My guilt got in the way too. Also, he was my third experience in my family with schizophrenia. I was resigned in someways. My 2 sisters never had improved, one took medications for 50 years...the other threw them away after a 72 hour hold. I have had over 50 years of dealing with this disease in my family members. I have had my life threatened for over 50 years, as well. I have always worked hard to help all 3. I just thought that I needed to keep him safe. I was trying to have boundaries and consistency, but he was receiving too much negative reinforcement from me. He knew that he could just smash something and then run into his room.
I should have called the police, but I felt that they would just tell me again to evict him and not help him or keep us safe from him.
In 2013, when I called the police they asked me 3 times why I had called that night. I told then that my schizophrenic son was threatening to cut up my face. Three times they asked me! Three times I said the same thing. It seemed like the reason wasn't enough!
I made the mistake of saying that he was not diagnosed...it all went even more downhill after that. They just told me to get an eviction. Then they would come back out and serve it.
I told them that I am a special education teacher and that I also have other family members with schizophrenia. I asked them how could he get better by being evicted? I actually said that he would then be one of the millions of mentally ill homeless people.
Now, my son, sadly is...
If I didn't have this fantastic site, I would have totally fallen apart.
Yes, Seeking, I could not help him here at home. Once he knew that I was afraid...and I was petrified towards the end, he held the upper hand. If I started to talk about seeing a doctor, he would smash something. If I threatened the police, he would say that he would kill me if I called. If I said no to something...he would become violent.
I work with behaviors all day, but this was a large adult with no back-up instructional aides. I am divorced. It is my son. I came home to him. My guilt got in the way too. Also, he was my third experience in my family with schizophrenia. I was resigned in someways. My 2 sisters never had improved, one took medications for 50 years...the other threw them away after a 72 hour hold. I have had over 50 years of dealing with this disease in my family members. I have had my life threatened for over 50 years, as well. I have always worked hard to help all 3. I just thought that I needed to keep him safe. I was trying to have boundaries and consistency, but he was receiving too much negative reinforcement from me. He knew that he could just smash something and then run into his room.
I should have called the police, but I felt that they would just tell me again to evict him and not help him or keep us safe from him.
In 2013, when I called the police they asked me 3 times why I had called that night. I told then that my schizophrenic son was threatening to cut up my face. Three times they asked me! Three times I said the same thing. It seemed like the reason wasn't enough!
I made the mistake of saying that he was not diagnosed...it all went even more downhill after that. They just told me to get an eviction. Then they would come back out and serve it.
I told them that I am a special education teacher and that I also have other family members with schizophrenia. I asked them how could he get better by being evicted? I actually said that he would then be one of the millions of mentally ill homeless people.
Now, my son, sadly is...
Childofmine
one day at a time
Feeling sad, it is clear that you have not had the support you need to deal with this awful situation with your precious son. And I am so sorry for that. I can only imagine how alone you have felt for so long. Dealing with this without tremendous support is nearly impossible, and I think you have acted with incredible courage and purpose in spite of that. And now you are feeling the fallout.
Now you need support. Feeling sad, what kind of support are you getting regularly? How can we help you assemble a toolbox---your toolbox---that works for you? Using daily tools is how we have all progressed from the pit of despair to a better life. It takes work.
You have handled things very few people ever have to handle.
It takes a toll of course it does.
We are here for you and we will walk with you and provide encouragement, ideas and caring support.
Warm hugs today. I am so sorry that the authorities have not supported you with your son.
Now you need support. Feeling sad, what kind of support are you getting regularly? How can we help you assemble a toolbox---your toolbox---that works for you? Using daily tools is how we have all progressed from the pit of despair to a better life. It takes work.
You have handled things very few people ever have to handle.
It takes a toll of course it does.
We are here for you and we will walk with you and provide encouragement, ideas and caring support.
Warm hugs today. I am so sorry that the authorities have not supported you with your son.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Yes, I know that he probably could not have gotten better here because his violence was not handled always as properly as it should have been by me. He knew that I was afraid for my youngest son's and my safety. Also I did not want more property damaged. Thousands of dollars worth was destroyed. I always lived in fear...and he knew it.
He was rewarded for his violent behavior or threats by me backing down and dropping the conversation about seeking treatment...or getting a hobby...or volunteering...or taking a fun non-academic class...or getting counseling to be able to see friends or make new friends.
The fact that he was out of touch with reality and had delusions and hallucinations made it exponentially more dangerous.
I have been told by several therapists that he had no chance to improve if he could constantly run to his room and continue with his positive behaviors...delusions and hallucinations. While I sheltered him at my house...he was continuing to get worse and his violence was increasing.
I have read that schizophrenic adults should only live at home if it is not with a single, ill, or senior parent, that they are in weekly therapy, consistently taking medication, have outside activities such as school, part-time job, volunteer work, or friends outside of their parent, or no younger siblings are AFRAID.
Thus, he should not have been living here.
This does not make it any easier to accept...
I was afraid that if I called the police...that they would not do anything and leave me alone with him. He constantly threatened my life. I even felt if they saw destruction of property that nothing would be done by the police because it did not prove that my life was in danger.
The only incident that could have been the impetus for getting police attention was the cracking the wine bottle on the counter and holding it towards my throat. But, he quickly cleaned it up...for the FIRST time ever and there would be no evidence. He would have denied threatening me. Also, my PTSD was in high gear and I was in denial...it was just a sick "joke"...
I go to the nicer therapist once a week, until it runs out, and I go to NAMI support groups that meet twice a month.
it is very difficult for me to stop worrying because he is not in touch with reality, has persecatory command hallucinations. I know that he is afraid because of these things. He has been paranoid for over 10 years. Yes, it might slightly ebb and flow...but it is not going to go away with treatment.
Also, he will not call me. I know my son and his delusions. I will only see him one day if he is in an hospital or jail.
I had to get the restraining order to keep my youngest child and myself safe. I just wish that I had...in the beginning, called the police consistently to get a paper trail going before his violence escalated. I know, it is done already. I know that I was numbing out and have, sadly, an extremely high tolerance to violence and fear. I need to accept that and FORGIVE myself...easier said than done...
He was rewarded for his violent behavior or threats by me backing down and dropping the conversation about seeking treatment...or getting a hobby...or volunteering...or taking a fun non-academic class...or getting counseling to be able to see friends or make new friends.
The fact that he was out of touch with reality and had delusions and hallucinations made it exponentially more dangerous.
I have been told by several therapists that he had no chance to improve if he could constantly run to his room and continue with his positive behaviors...delusions and hallucinations. While I sheltered him at my house...he was continuing to get worse and his violence was increasing.
I have read that schizophrenic adults should only live at home if it is not with a single, ill, or senior parent, that they are in weekly therapy, consistently taking medication, have outside activities such as school, part-time job, volunteer work, or friends outside of their parent, or no younger siblings are AFRAID.
Thus, he should not have been living here.
This does not make it any easier to accept...
I was afraid that if I called the police...that they would not do anything and leave me alone with him. He constantly threatened my life. I even felt if they saw destruction of property that nothing would be done by the police because it did not prove that my life was in danger.
The only incident that could have been the impetus for getting police attention was the cracking the wine bottle on the counter and holding it towards my throat. But, he quickly cleaned it up...for the FIRST time ever and there would be no evidence. He would have denied threatening me. Also, my PTSD was in high gear and I was in denial...it was just a sick "joke"...
I go to the nicer therapist once a week, until it runs out, and I go to NAMI support groups that meet twice a month.
it is very difficult for me to stop worrying because he is not in touch with reality, has persecatory command hallucinations. I know that he is afraid because of these things. He has been paranoid for over 10 years. Yes, it might slightly ebb and flow...but it is not going to go away with treatment.
Also, he will not call me. I know my son and his delusions. I will only see him one day if he is in an hospital or jail.
I had to get the restraining order to keep my youngest child and myself safe. I just wish that I had...in the beginning, called the police consistently to get a paper trail going before his violence escalated. I know, it is done already. I know that I was numbing out and have, sadly, an extremely high tolerance to violence and fear. I need to accept that and FORGIVE myself...easier said than done...
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Pasa, I just read that you are going through something similar...that you fear your son. I am so sorry that you are going through this. My heart goes out to you.
Yes, you did the right thing! It takes a lot if strength to not allow him back. You are in extreme fear. Do not let your motherly feelings of helping or or being responsible for him get in the way.
Your are in danger and you need to throw the responsibility back onto the facility and the police. He will get help from them...not at home with you living in extreme fear for your life.
I know of 4 cases in NAMI support groups where the same exact thing is going on right now. They are being constantly hounded to bring them back home when when their lives have been threatened. They want you to take ownership of the problem.
I know now that your son is out. Stand firm. He will then be the problem of the police and mental health department. He will receive help when he acts violently in public. He abused your rules...he CAN'T abuse society's rules.
I am now very well-read on the issue of adult children who threaten your life.
Kristina Randle, PhD., Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) wrote something perfect for us. "Your son is very unstable and has threatened your life. Your question was regarding whether you made the correct choice in deciding to stop contact. Your son threatened you. I am not sure if it's possible to have a functional relationship with an individual who is as mentally unstable as you describe. Even if you wanted to have a relationship, the behavior and actions seem to make this connection impossible. Your son said that he'd try to kill you. What CHOICE did you have in this mater? What else could you have done except stop interacting with him. He threatened your life. Even if he was not serious about killing you, what type of relationship is possible between you and your son? The man who threatened your life? The fact that he is currently off medication makes this situation even more precarious and potentially DANGEROUS. You seem to have NO other alternative than to end this relationship with your son, at least for the present time. Your SON has essentially FORCED you to end contact with you. It seems that you had no other option. I know that this reality may be difficult to accept. He is unable to engage in such a connection. This is probably due to his psychological issues. It might not always be this way. It is possible that your relationship will improve over time. But at this point, it is IMPORTANT to see reality and learn to live with this loss. From a mental health perspective perhaps this outcome benefits you. The stress associated with his chaotic life only further complicates your life. You are living with your own stresses.
Pasa, you wrote me to help me with wonderful words of support...even while you were going through Hell yourself! Please, my dear friend, stay safe. We have a lot of things in common...I think that you are a special education teacher, divorced, and have 3 children.
I know of 6 murders by mentally ill adults just from the therapists that I have seen and people in the NAMI support groups. It is a possibility. Stay vigilante.
My youngest son is going to Silicone Valley for a week for a class. He has 3 Cisco certifications in networking. I am starting to feel petrified to be left alone...and he is not leaving for a month!
We will both get through this. We are smart and STRONG!!!
Take care, my friend.
Yes, you did the right thing! It takes a lot if strength to not allow him back. You are in extreme fear. Do not let your motherly feelings of helping or or being responsible for him get in the way.
Your are in danger and you need to throw the responsibility back onto the facility and the police. He will get help from them...not at home with you living in extreme fear for your life.
I know of 4 cases in NAMI support groups where the same exact thing is going on right now. They are being constantly hounded to bring them back home when when their lives have been threatened. They want you to take ownership of the problem.
I know now that your son is out. Stand firm. He will then be the problem of the police and mental health department. He will receive help when he acts violently in public. He abused your rules...he CAN'T abuse society's rules.
I am now very well-read on the issue of adult children who threaten your life.
Kristina Randle, PhD., Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) wrote something perfect for us. "Your son is very unstable and has threatened your life. Your question was regarding whether you made the correct choice in deciding to stop contact. Your son threatened you. I am not sure if it's possible to have a functional relationship with an individual who is as mentally unstable as you describe. Even if you wanted to have a relationship, the behavior and actions seem to make this connection impossible. Your son said that he'd try to kill you. What CHOICE did you have in this mater? What else could you have done except stop interacting with him. He threatened your life. Even if he was not serious about killing you, what type of relationship is possible between you and your son? The man who threatened your life? The fact that he is currently off medication makes this situation even more precarious and potentially DANGEROUS. You seem to have NO other alternative than to end this relationship with your son, at least for the present time. Your SON has essentially FORCED you to end contact with you. It seems that you had no other option. I know that this reality may be difficult to accept. He is unable to engage in such a connection. This is probably due to his psychological issues. It might not always be this way. It is possible that your relationship will improve over time. But at this point, it is IMPORTANT to see reality and learn to live with this loss. From a mental health perspective perhaps this outcome benefits you. The stress associated with his chaotic life only further complicates your life. You are living with your own stresses.
Pasa, you wrote me to help me with wonderful words of support...even while you were going through Hell yourself! Please, my dear friend, stay safe. We have a lot of things in common...I think that you are a special education teacher, divorced, and have 3 children.
I know of 6 murders by mentally ill adults just from the therapists that I have seen and people in the NAMI support groups. It is a possibility. Stay vigilante.
My youngest son is going to Silicone Valley for a week for a class. He has 3 Cisco certifications in networking. I am starting to feel petrified to be left alone...and he is not leaving for a month!
We will both get through this. We are smart and STRONG!!!
Take care, my friend.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Pasa..I am also 62. Too old to be dealing with this extreme fear and long overdue for some peace.
Stay strong.
Stay strong.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Correction...his paranoia will ebb and flow, but it will not get better WITHOUT treatment...on my phone...
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Feeling, can somebody stay with you?
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
I only have my brother and he has a very serious heart condition. I do not want him to be afraid and inadvertently cause him to have a problem. I might have him over until 10 for a night or 2. He would be okay, I think...not each day though
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
Feeling this whole post from Kristina Randle was very instructive and useful to me.
We keep trying to make relationship...when our children take steps that are contrary to having relationship, and are in fact incapable of relationship--at that time. And yet we persist to keep trying to make and sustain connection--by taking responsibility for both parts.
Thank you very much for this, Feeling.
COPA
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
You are very welcome. I always write down things that hit home for me...like that post you left for me...and then deleted! I really liked it. I thought that I was losing it...
I am a visual learner. I read helpful passages to give me strength.
I am a visual learner. I read helpful passages to give me strength.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Seeking Peace, I keep reading your post. Thank you...it helps. I have to have hope that he will get helped out on his own. I need to believe that. I need to believe that someone out there will be able to guide my son in the right direction.
It is difficult to think, as a mom, that your child can be perhaps better helped by someone else. It is our job as their mother to help them. But, sometimes ...the very fact that we ARE their mother, makes them not as receptive to our suggestions, or rather pleas, for getting treatment. They are adults and want to feel independent. Also, they need to want to get help.
You are right. What I was trying was not working.
The dynamic for change was wrong. If they are dependent on us...have all of their needs met by us...and, in my case, even bad behavior did not cause any negative consequences to speak of...why do they need to change? How does it benefit them? They have everything that they could want.
In fact, my son learned that violence or the threat of violence often caused me to stop asking him to get help. He would just run to his room. I never went into his room. I was too afraid to.
Yes...I would tell him that I would not tolerate any more destruction. But, a few days later, it was back to 'normal'.
Sure, for a few days I would be mad about yet another computer being destroyed...but I still gave him money for food and gas.
I would tell him that he needed to get back on track, but he would go into his room and not answer.
I would tell him that it was not fair that I would get up every day at 6:00 to work at 62, while he slept all day and cooked at midnight, leaving messes all around the house.
I told him that I was not going to live forever and that he needed SSI or therapy so that he could work to support himself. There was never a response.
He had it made and did nothing for 9 years...no school, work, or even friends.
I know that it was not laziness. He was schizophrenic and his delusions and hallucinations kept him in his room, too afraid to talk to people.
I am trying to say that he had no incentive or need to TRY to get better. He had his room, food, and gas money. He just got gradually worse...more psychotic and violent.
Often, someone is more receptive to ideas from someone other than a parent. I read once that it is much easier for them to say no to one mom than many people working at the shelter. I pray that this is true.
Basic needs need to be met and they are forced to come up with a game plan, of sorts. They need to evaluate the situation and come up with a possible solution...be it SSI, a diagnosis, therapy, or some sort of housing. He is forced into some action on his part. Maybe this focus, as Copa said, will keep his demons at bay. He might feel better having some freedom. He has choices and an option to accept help.
All of the therapists told me that he had no chance to ever get better at home and staying in his room most if the time. They all said that now he has a chance.
I want to believe that I will see him again and that he will, some day, understand why I had to file the restraining order.
Thinking these things makes me able to relax a little. I try to picture it happening. I would love to, one day, have my son back, healthier and closer to the way he was before this disease took over him.
In NAMI support groups they focus on having hope...for our struggling children.
Here is to a brighter...healthier future for all of our precious children.
It is difficult to think, as a mom, that your child can be perhaps better helped by someone else. It is our job as their mother to help them. But, sometimes ...the very fact that we ARE their mother, makes them not as receptive to our suggestions, or rather pleas, for getting treatment. They are adults and want to feel independent. Also, they need to want to get help.
You are right. What I was trying was not working.
The dynamic for change was wrong. If they are dependent on us...have all of their needs met by us...and, in my case, even bad behavior did not cause any negative consequences to speak of...why do they need to change? How does it benefit them? They have everything that they could want.
In fact, my son learned that violence or the threat of violence often caused me to stop asking him to get help. He would just run to his room. I never went into his room. I was too afraid to.
Yes...I would tell him that I would not tolerate any more destruction. But, a few days later, it was back to 'normal'.
Sure, for a few days I would be mad about yet another computer being destroyed...but I still gave him money for food and gas.
I would tell him that he needed to get back on track, but he would go into his room and not answer.
I would tell him that it was not fair that I would get up every day at 6:00 to work at 62, while he slept all day and cooked at midnight, leaving messes all around the house.
I told him that I was not going to live forever and that he needed SSI or therapy so that he could work to support himself. There was never a response.
He had it made and did nothing for 9 years...no school, work, or even friends.
I know that it was not laziness. He was schizophrenic and his delusions and hallucinations kept him in his room, too afraid to talk to people.
I am trying to say that he had no incentive or need to TRY to get better. He had his room, food, and gas money. He just got gradually worse...more psychotic and violent.
Often, someone is more receptive to ideas from someone other than a parent. I read once that it is much easier for them to say no to one mom than many people working at the shelter. I pray that this is true.
Basic needs need to be met and they are forced to come up with a game plan, of sorts. They need to evaluate the situation and come up with a possible solution...be it SSI, a diagnosis, therapy, or some sort of housing. He is forced into some action on his part. Maybe this focus, as Copa said, will keep his demons at bay. He might feel better having some freedom. He has choices and an option to accept help.
All of the therapists told me that he had no chance to ever get better at home and staying in his room most if the time. They all said that now he has a chance.
I want to believe that I will see him again and that he will, some day, understand why I had to file the restraining order.
Thinking these things makes me able to relax a little. I try to picture it happening. I would love to, one day, have my son back, healthier and closer to the way he was before this disease took over him.
In NAMI support groups they focus on having hope...for our struggling children.
Here is to a brighter...healthier future for all of our precious children.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
It could be that he may know now why you had to file the restraining order.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
That would be good. The nicer therapist thinks that he could be staying away because he loves us and doesn't want to hurt us.
Someone at NAMI once told me that he was not happy here because he didn't want to do what the voices were telling him to do...to kill me. He was arguing with them. He does love me... This is so difficult to write without crying. I miss him so much!
Someone at NAMI once told me that he was not happy here because he didn't want to do what the voices were telling him to do...to kill me. He was arguing with them. He does love me... This is so difficult to write without crying. I miss him so much!
Sending a hug FS and a prayer for you and your son.....
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Thank you, RE. It is very difficult. I want let him know that I love him and that I know that it wasn't him...but the schizophrenia. I was not able to talk to him or say goodbye.
I understand FS. Throughout my early life I had a recurring nightmare that my (schizophrenic) younger brother was stuck in a tiny dwelling, sort of like an outhouse, way off in the middle of what looked like a vast wheat field. I would spend the whole night running towards that house, frantic to get him out, but never reaching him. I would wake up crying. Even as a child, I was trying to protect him, help him. I understand the magnitude of the sorrow.
Feeling Sad
Well-Known Member
Thank you, RE. I am so sorry that you went through that as a child. It must have been horrible.
We both have had experiences in our childhoods with schizophrenia. I tried to always help my sister, but she was violent towards me, just me. My parents felt over-whelmed and did not believe or protect me.
Now, going through it myself...I understand and forgive them. It is such a difficult disease to deal with...for the whole family, but especially for the person that has it.
I am not doing very well. I cannot relax or stop worrying about my son. I feel so bad that I had to file a restraining order. I needed to keep my youngest son safe and I did not want him to continue to go through what we both went through as children. Namely bring scared and helpless as we watch our loved one change into someone else. The body is still the same for the most part, but the voice, personality and the way that they act changes before our eyes.
That is why I first studied psychology and then special education.
I miss my son. I ache for my son. I need to keep him safe from harm. He does not know the real world. He listens to his cruel voices that badger him endlessly.
I do not want him to be out there alone. I should be keeping him safe from harm.
We both have had experiences in our childhoods with schizophrenia. I tried to always help my sister, but she was violent towards me, just me. My parents felt over-whelmed and did not believe or protect me.
Now, going through it myself...I understand and forgive them. It is such a difficult disease to deal with...for the whole family, but especially for the person that has it.
I am not doing very well. I cannot relax or stop worrying about my son. I feel so bad that I had to file a restraining order. I needed to keep my youngest son safe and I did not want him to continue to go through what we both went through as children. Namely bring scared and helpless as we watch our loved one change into someone else. The body is still the same for the most part, but the voice, personality and the way that they act changes before our eyes.
That is why I first studied psychology and then special education.
I miss my son. I ache for my son. I need to keep him safe from harm. He does not know the real world. He listens to his cruel voices that badger him endlessly.
I do not want him to be out there alone. I should be keeping him safe from harm.
Copabanana
Well-Known Member
There are things that we must do in life, that we do not want to do. Never, ever would have done had it not been the only course open to us. You were in one of those horrible situations. You did what you had to do, even though there was nothing in you that wanted to do it. You did it for your family.
No matter how much you wanted to protect him and keep him from harm, you could not. Despite everything you did, the disease advanced to the point where he was tormented and he tormented others. He can now get help. He would not accept help, even hear of it, while he was with you.
I know you want to keep him safe. I know you always wanted to. Were you able to keep him safe from harm? From the voices, from the delusions? Or was he increasingly more possessed and governed by his fears and his limits?
Of course you do not want him out there alone. Of course.
Is it our role as mothers to keep our adult sons safe...even those mentally ill? When if we do so they become more and more consumed by the very diseases from which we seek to protect them. Do they not deserve their own lives and destinies? With the possibility of improvement? Gained from their own strengths.
I read that there is the genetically fueled impulse of mothers to keep sheltering their adult children until she is sure her child can survive in the world...she will hang on...at all costs to herself...and even to her children, because she is programmed to do so. We are going against biology, when we separate. There are times when we need to. When we must.
I know you believe you did the right thing...while you feel sometimes that you did not. Our impulse to keep our grown up children safe is "the call of the wild."
Try to rest your body and spirit. We care about you Feeling.
COPA
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