Feeling sad

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Sherril2000, Oct 5, 2015.

  1. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Feeling really sad tonight. Watching my daughter and her boyfriend hanging out, watching tv & wishing my son could be here with us. Boyfriend is a good student, works part time, & is very respectful. Sometimes I just close my eyes & wish things were different with my son. He is facing 3-12 years in prison for robbery. Praying that he comes home after this & lives a productive life and is happy. I never, ever thought any of my kids would end up in jail. Guess this really is our "new normal."
  2. Proudmama888

    Proudmama888 New Member

    Hi Sherril2000,

    I'm sorry you are feeling sad . ((Hugs))
    I know, it sucks. To be honest, it's a form of grief really. I recently said to my husband that when we decided to have kids, I never thought in a million years, ours would be a drug addict. You know those teens that we see dwntwn, begging for $$? We used to feel so bad for them, assuming they came from abusive homes or had it so bad.... Guess what, that is our "new normal". Sending positive vibes your way.
  3. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    I'm so sorry for you too. You're right. It really is a form of grieving. Hugs back to you. The support you all provide helps so much
  4. SeekingStrength

    SeekingStrength Well-Known Member


    So right that we never saw this coming. How many, many times have husband and I thought exactly what you and Proud expressed? how we never ever, with our (cutest ever) baby and toddler and youngster, ever saw this in his/her future? <sigh>

    It is mind - boggling.

    Yet, here we are.

    On this forum, we totally understand the pain.

    Hugs for both of you tonight, for all of us. We will persevere - although we never saw this in our families' futures. We will all make it with happier endings for us and for our "kids" than we can see right now.

    My prayer this evening,

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  5. Proudmama888

    Proudmama888 New Member

    The support on this forum is amazing!
    Our stories aren't really dinner party type conversation. Plus, other than one co-worker, I don't know anyone who can relate.
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  6. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Aww thank you both so much. It always helps me to talk with you all on this forum. No one else could possibly understand!
  7. jude-in-nj

    jude-in-nj Member

    So sorry you are going through this.. My son is also in jail... When we think back to when they were babies we had hopes and dreams for them. No mother or father wants this for their child. Sadly they have made bad decisions in life or bad choices and now have to deal with them. I don't have great advice.. But know that you are not alone In this. (((hugs)))
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  8. New Leaf

    New Leaf Well-Known Member

    Hi Sherril so sorry you are going through this tough time. Hope is never lost. For now keep praying for your son and concentrate on the joy you have with your daughter. It is a grieving process, there will be good days and bad. Our adult children have their own path to follow and lessons to learn. Keep the faith and take good care of yourself. You matter, and have a future of your own to carve. Keep posting and sharing, many here have been in your shoes. You are not alone.
  9. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Hugs to you too. I can only hope they come out of jail stronger & wiser, & learn from their mistakes.
  10. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Thanks to you too, New Leaf. I love that name, makes me think of hope & promises of new beginnings.
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  11. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Good Morning Sherril, I hope you are having a better day today.

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  12. Jabberwockey

    Jabberwockey Well-Known Member

    Sorry you're going through this Sherril but maybe it will be a positive learning experience for your child.
  13. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    Hi Sherril, I hope things are better today for you. The sadness you feel is real.

    I remember the first few times Difficult Child was in jail I was devastated. The longest he spent in jail (I think, strange that I can't remember 100 percent) was about 8 months, I think. The last time he was in jail, the public defender told him he would be going to prison for four years so get ready. The next morning they let him out.

    I think that was the final straw in his decision to change. He was terrified of four years in prison.

    So far, the past 17 months have been steady progress.

    Sherril, maybe, just maybe, this is his turnaround. It's awful to think about...before my son went to jail, I only knew one person who had ever spent time in jail, that i knew of, and I was baffled every time I looked at him to think this person had been in jail and that i actually knew him (lol on me).

    I had no experience or knowledge of jail, or people who broke the law, or people who used drugs...or any of it. It was another world to me. A world my son, my own precious sons, either one of them, would surely never know.

    Shows where I was in my thinking. These last seven years have been one cold jug of water in my face after another. I have had to let go of so many Cinderella notions about life, about people, about reality. I see how isolated and sheltered I was about all kinds of things, like controlling/managing/fixing other people, making people do things, feeling I was separate (better than) from people who lived lives like my son's has been...on and on.

    These past 7 years have been both the worst and best times of my life. I have changed a lot, and I think for the better.

    I still have a long way to go.

    Maybe Sherril, this will turn out to be a good time for you and for your son...and even for your family. I know that sounds strange to say, and it is still bewildering, very sad, scary, not what you ever would have thought...but at the same time, perhaps it can be a time of positive movement for you and for him.

    Your grief and your fear are real. But that can be separate, a parallel track, from another track you can live on while your son is in prison. You can live on two tracks, one of wishing he wasn't there, and feeling the pain of that, and then, one of figuring out what you have learned from all of this, and who you want to be.

    There can be a silver lining in the very very dark cloud.

    Warm hugs Sherril. I hope you will have a better day today.
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  14. Sherril2000

    Sherril2000 Active Member

    Thank you all so much! Child of mine, what you wrote is so beautiful,& has helped redirect my thought processes. I have tears in my eyes just reading this. Im saving this to read whenever I'm down. Tanya & JW thank you both. The support I receive here is tremendous!
  15. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    I hear you, Sherril. Life is not fair and it seems tilted even more when we've got a difficult child.
    I feel like you do but on a lower level ... I'm not at the jail scene ... yet. :(