Ok, so he isn't acting so dear right now. And this isn't about addiction. But I am seriously afraid m son is going to die either by suicide or just because of such extreme stress that he won't do anything to try to alleviate. I will try to give a back story. Most of you won't think it is such a big deal because you have other stuff going on and most of you may not even understand it. But I need to vent because I'm at my end. I can't do this anymore. There is more than addiction that can kill. Stress at this level and for so long and with son's numerous physical symptoms...he already has high cholesterol and some high blood pressure under age 40. He is getting headaches, eye twitching, continuous stomach problems that are severe and he won't see a doctor. Or a psychiatrist. Claims he can't afford it. He can't NOT afforrd it. He says his head is fuzzy and he can't think. Why, you ask. His son is his life. His ex is a wack job that makes every single drug addict on this forum seem normal. She is not just wacky, but she is MEAN. Grandson is terrified of her and he clings to Son when he has him, which is 50% of the time, and cries that he is afraid. I already called CPS and there is nothing they can do if Grandson won't talk (and he's too afraid to talk) and if he isn't being beaten or starved by ex. Son was going slowly crazy before today, but today put him over the edge. Ex got a lawyer at the eleventh hour. There was supposed to be a hearing for residential custody tomorrow (Tuesday). It had been a long time coming. Ex moved, without getting son's permission, to an hour away in a new school district so Son filed to be residential parent since he lives in the school district but ex is adamant about changing schools. My son has a very good lawyer. Friday he was told that t he Judge had called ex's lawyer because she had asked for a continence. Son's Lawyer said no way. School was starting and Son needs residential custody to continue in school district. Ex's lawyer said he could have residential custody (ex had it) until a final hearing if there was a continence. Judge called her office (well, a clerk for judge) and said no continuance without other counsel's approval or a court hearing. Both Son and I figured Lawyer would say no to a continuance and not attend a court hearing, since only two days remained until the trial. Ok, now the good stuff (haha). Son took off work today, day before trial, because he would "be too nervous to work." He told me to stay home today so I could "help him out." This usually consists of his nonstop doomsday talk and him hanging up on me if I state that he needs to see a doctor for his symptoms and a psychologist to help him deal with this very difficult situation. Trust me, a normal person with low anxiety would be going crazy over dealing with court and ex . Son just wants what is best for his son and his son does not want to change schools.j j Judge has been judge a long time, but he is up for re-election and pushing this case back could mean a new judge. This judge knows the case, knows the ex. When Son called to say "SEE I TOLD YOU SHE'D MESS IT UP AND GET HER WAY." I was too stunned to know what to say. Then, as he was escalting, we had this sort of conversation, not verbatom. Son: See? Don't EVER underestimate J. I aml NOT going to be able to take this! Me: (trying to think of a positive) Having temp. residential custody could lead to permanant. Son: You must think I'm stupid. You['re acting as dumb as ex. Me: Look, it's time for you to be strong and figure out a way to deal with this.... Son: You are so useless (hang up) I am sad. I have tried so hard to support him for the four years since he's been in divorce hell with his ex. Ex is trying to take son away from him. This is his second time in court. But there is nothing I can do. And there is no suggestion I can make that doesn't cause him t o explode and hang up on me. I have done all I could. I have called my own ex a few times to make sure he is still on board with paying legal fees for Son's case. I have been a buddy. j He will not join a support group for divorced people in his area as the only one listend is religious and he has social phobia (yet he is a salesman and manages to sell to strangers REALLY well). And although he gets nervous, he has to make speeches twice a year and he does. I'm afraid he'll get fired over all this, because I know he has been distracted. He has a thousand reasons why only a top rate expensive psychologist (not therapist) can help him and he really doesn't have the money, even though he makes a lot of money. Of course, part of me can't help but think of all his video game systems, his 66" television, his new furniture, etc. He spends so much on Grandson.... He doesn't want medication. Medication affects your sex life, of which I'm sure he has none because he is too stressed out to really date. He has a girl FRIEND who he also screams and yells at about this case and pays no attention to her needs. I feel sorry for her, but she is choosing to stick around. They do not sleep in the same bed. Yes, he shares too much information, but he doesn't lie. He has a history of mental illness. I was so desperate I was a step away from telling him to get drunk. I kid you not. I didn't. I am very frustrated now. He is not going to learn how to live with this and go on with his life. He is going to continue to make himself sick. He is not going to take one iota of advice I give him. And w hen I say "You talk, I"ll listen" he says "that's not enough!!!!" I wish I had magic words. He has to do more than he is doing...depending on me a nd this girl who is just a friend to yell at when he is frustrated. His tirades of doom and gloom scare me too because ex is capable of doing anything and we are talking about my grandson. And if my son doesn't chill, he may not have a father, but telling Son that also gets a hang up. I know, I know. I tell it to everyone else. There is nothing I can do. I am ready to go to an Al-Anon meeting because this reminds me of how helpless and upset I was when my daughter used drugs and I think there are similarities and that 12 Step can help me. I know there is a meeting tomorrow. I don't work. I think I will go. I have to do this for myself. Like any of you w ho are afraid your sons or daughters will die, I'm right there with you. He is a suicide risk and is letting his body kill him too, but I'm more concerned about suicide. He doesn't bring that up to me because he knows I'll call 911, but I know he is thinking about it. I am going to indulge myself with one last regret that doesn't help anyone: If Son had only listened to anyone in the family about ex before he married her, we wouldn't be here. But Son always says to that that he is glad he has his son. It is so frustrating to want to help somebody who won't help himself. And, truly, what he is asking of me is not money, not possessions, but for me to be his ear. But he is so irrational. Sadly, this son has already ticked off every sibling so that his only family contact is with me and his father and his father holds t he purse strings, but you can't talk to him. He do esn't "get" anything. I have often thought he was an Aspie. He doesn't get ANYTHING...he just yells and says horrible things when HE is mad too. Hereditary? No. He is not biological father. Son is a sperm bank baby. Yes, he knows and doesn't care. Anyway, thanks f or listening. I know I have to back out. I can't handle the stress myself anymore and I'm not helping him, obviously....it's amazing that Grandson is so sweet. His parents aren't.