difficult child has me so worn down and I am so tired of trying. He has made major improvements and I really am proud of him but he still harbors most of his anger at me.
If he wants me to play a game with him or do something else that is fun then he can be very sweet. However, whenever I need to ask him to do something or explain to him why he needs to shower or try to joke around with him or even "look" at him the wrong way-don't ask what that is because I don't know he just blows at me. Yells at me to shut up or to not talk to him or will sometimes go into swearing at me.
He doesn't do this with husband and very seldom with easy child/difficult child. However, I am his target. For the most part I just let it roll off of my shoulders-my rhino skin in on tight most days. Lately though, I don't know if my rhino skin is just getting so worn or what but I am tired, tired of trying with difficult child. More often than not I can't bring myself to play games or just hang out with him. I find myself withdrawing more and more, almost feels like I am trying to protect myself because I never know when he is going to blow.
Sometimes it is the little things, when we are leaving the house or going into a place he will let the door fall back on me instead of holding it open. He will force himself to get in a position where I have to wait for him, for example opening his car door so I have to "wait" for him to get past. Also he isn't violent with me anymore but does posture all the time.
I'm worried that I am so tired of all of this. He is only 16 and has such a far ways to go. He really is super sweet and funny at times. I can't stop trying now but it is getting so hard. I'm thinking it is time for me to go to my therapist again-I haven't been for a few years because difficult child has made such good progress.
His therapist sees this and has spoken to difficult child about it. husband sees it and is supportive of me. However, with difficult child, nothing seems to help. In his eyes, I am the one who he gets to take his garbage out on and (even though I know this is somewhat normal) I. am. tired. and. sad.
If he wants me to play a game with him or do something else that is fun then he can be very sweet. However, whenever I need to ask him to do something or explain to him why he needs to shower or try to joke around with him or even "look" at him the wrong way-don't ask what that is because I don't know he just blows at me. Yells at me to shut up or to not talk to him or will sometimes go into swearing at me.
He doesn't do this with husband and very seldom with easy child/difficult child. However, I am his target. For the most part I just let it roll off of my shoulders-my rhino skin in on tight most days. Lately though, I don't know if my rhino skin is just getting so worn or what but I am tired, tired of trying with difficult child. More often than not I can't bring myself to play games or just hang out with him. I find myself withdrawing more and more, almost feels like I am trying to protect myself because I never know when he is going to blow.
Sometimes it is the little things, when we are leaving the house or going into a place he will let the door fall back on me instead of holding it open. He will force himself to get in a position where I have to wait for him, for example opening his car door so I have to "wait" for him to get past. Also he isn't violent with me anymore but does posture all the time.
I'm worried that I am so tired of all of this. He is only 16 and has such a far ways to go. He really is super sweet and funny at times. I can't stop trying now but it is getting so hard. I'm thinking it is time for me to go to my therapist again-I haven't been for a few years because difficult child has made such good progress.
His therapist sees this and has spoken to difficult child about it. husband sees it and is supportive of me. However, with difficult child, nothing seems to help. In his eyes, I am the one who he gets to take his garbage out on and (even though I know this is somewhat normal) I. am. tired. and. sad.
