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Feelings about adoption etc.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 535266" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I have a different perspective because I did have a biological child first and he is very challenging even now and NOTHING like me and then we adopted abroad, out of foster care and then privately. Because we didn't care about race and were open to older kids, the adoption process was fast. Three of my adopted children are lovers. I am closer to PastryChef, Sonic and Jumper than to SportsFan. I am more like Jumper than any of my children. I am glad I adopted them...I can not imagine my life without them most of the time...haha.</p><p></p><p>My older child adoptions were nightmares. There was Scott who left us and R. who sexually abused the younger children as well as doing other damage too. </p><p></p><p>Although adoption IS an issue with the girls and Sonic (plus his autism), it is not enough to stop them from being loving, caring, sweet people. I think PastryChef's drug use was due more to her shyness and need to be popular than being adopted. If asked, that's the reasons she will give. And she did stop rather young (used drugs from 12-19). Although it is never forgotten, adoption has not gotten in the way of these three kids basically being wonderful. That includes Sonic with his challenges...he has a great heart and really does want to be good. Most of the time he is good and very loving.</p><p></p><p>I think the adoption experience is different for everyone and has a lot to do with the child. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER adopt an older child again. And I tell anyone who asks me not to adopt an older child. The bonding is not there if the child has been in foster care (and probably getting abused) for too long. I do not believe that you can conquer all problems with love. That's very sad...that you adopt and love a child who doesn't want your love and, in fact, may hurt you and your other children and your beloved pets.</p><p></p><p>I do not love or relate to my bio. son more than to my adopted kids. In fact, it is probably the other way around. SportsFan is really a very selfish person. I love him and my grandson bunches, but the other three kids have much kinder souls (if that makes any sense). There are a lot of very selfish people in my family (my father is another one) and I guess he inherited some of that. </p><p></p><p>This is an interesting topic to talk about. Thanks for bringing it up <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 535266, member: 1550"] I have a different perspective because I did have a biological child first and he is very challenging even now and NOTHING like me and then we adopted abroad, out of foster care and then privately. Because we didn't care about race and were open to older kids, the adoption process was fast. Three of my adopted children are lovers. I am closer to PastryChef, Sonic and Jumper than to SportsFan. I am more like Jumper than any of my children. I am glad I adopted them...I can not imagine my life without them most of the time...haha. My older child adoptions were nightmares. There was Scott who left us and R. who sexually abused the younger children as well as doing other damage too. Although adoption IS an issue with the girls and Sonic (plus his autism), it is not enough to stop them from being loving, caring, sweet people. I think PastryChef's drug use was due more to her shyness and need to be popular than being adopted. If asked, that's the reasons she will give. And she did stop rather young (used drugs from 12-19). Although it is never forgotten, adoption has not gotten in the way of these three kids basically being wonderful. That includes Sonic with his challenges...he has a great heart and really does want to be good. Most of the time he is good and very loving. I think the adoption experience is different for everyone and has a lot to do with the child. I would NEVER NEVER NEVER adopt an older child again. And I tell anyone who asks me not to adopt an older child. The bonding is not there if the child has been in foster care (and probably getting abused) for too long. I do not believe that you can conquer all problems with love. That's very sad...that you adopt and love a child who doesn't want your love and, in fact, may hurt you and your other children and your beloved pets. I do not love or relate to my bio. son more than to my adopted kids. In fact, it is probably the other way around. SportsFan is really a very selfish person. I love him and my grandson bunches, but the other three kids have much kinder souls (if that makes any sense). There are a lot of very selfish people in my family (my father is another one) and I guess he inherited some of that. This is an interesting topic to talk about. Thanks for bringing it up :) [/QUOTE]
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