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Feelings about adoption etc.
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<blockquote data-quote="dashcat" data-source="post: 535285" data-attributes="member: 9175"><p>I just posted on Nancy's thread and addressed CJane's comments about adopted kids and the dynamics of extended family life. I won't repeat myself here, but I will say that it never occured to me during the adoption process, that my daughter would be "different" in any way from her cousins. Boy was I ever wrong!</p><p></p><p>Nancy and I have discssed our difficult child's adoption issues extensively. They have never met, but the similarities are striking. They are about 3 weeks apart in age, and they both showed their nurture/over/nature tendancies from the very beginning. The big difference in our stories is that Nancy saw things way sooner and much more clearly than I did. Nancy's difficult child is about two laps ahead of mine on the hamster wheel, but I can see the writing on the wall now.</p><p></p><p>I have no idea what the distant future holds for my daughter. Some people hit bottom, rise up, and change. Some people hit bottom, drag themselves up for a bit and crash again. What I do know is that my life and hers are not Hallmark TV specials that will play out in a predictable way. I worry about her like crazy, but I remind myself on a regular basis that I simply must "love what is". Some days this is easier than others.</p><p></p><p>Whenver my difficult child brings a new guy home to meet me, at some point (early on) she subjects the poor fellow to the "journey through the scrapbooks". Un until high school, she did not behave like a difficult child, and it breaks my heart sometimes to listen to her wistful narrative: "This is when my mom took me to the Teddy Bear Picnic at the library". "This is my birthday party." "This is my dad and me reading in the hammock". It's like she has to prove - to herself and to others - that she had a good childhood. And that's my point. She did. Would she be where she is today had she been raised by her bio mom (a teenager in the foster system)? Yes. She would most likely be doing exactly what she's doing now. My nurture didn't trump her nature in the end....but it did for awhile, and that is what matters to both of us.</p><p></p><p>Dash</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dashcat, post: 535285, member: 9175"] I just posted on Nancy's thread and addressed CJane's comments about adopted kids and the dynamics of extended family life. I won't repeat myself here, but I will say that it never occured to me during the adoption process, that my daughter would be "different" in any way from her cousins. Boy was I ever wrong! Nancy and I have discssed our difficult child's adoption issues extensively. They have never met, but the similarities are striking. They are about 3 weeks apart in age, and they both showed their nurture/over/nature tendancies from the very beginning. The big difference in our stories is that Nancy saw things way sooner and much more clearly than I did. Nancy's difficult child is about two laps ahead of mine on the hamster wheel, but I can see the writing on the wall now. I have no idea what the distant future holds for my daughter. Some people hit bottom, rise up, and change. Some people hit bottom, drag themselves up for a bit and crash again. What I do know is that my life and hers are not Hallmark TV specials that will play out in a predictable way. I worry about her like crazy, but I remind myself on a regular basis that I simply must "love what is". Some days this is easier than others. Whenver my difficult child brings a new guy home to meet me, at some point (early on) she subjects the poor fellow to the "journey through the scrapbooks". Un until high school, she did not behave like a difficult child, and it breaks my heart sometimes to listen to her wistful narrative: "This is when my mom took me to the Teddy Bear Picnic at the library". "This is my birthday party." "This is my dad and me reading in the hammock". It's like she has to prove - to herself and to others - that she had a good childhood. And that's my point. She did. Would she be where she is today had she been raised by her bio mom (a teenager in the foster system)? Yes. She would most likely be doing exactly what she's doing now. My nurture didn't trump her nature in the end....but it did for awhile, and that is what matters to both of us. Dash [/QUOTE]
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