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Feelings about adoption etc.
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 535309" data-attributes="member: 59"><p>"Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and should not be construed to be a political or religious opinion. The are based solely on the author's personal experiences and not meant to offend or otherwise convince anyone of it's merit."</p><p></p><p>If anyone asked myself or husband if we would ever adopt again we would both say a resounding no. If someone asks our opinion on adoption we would politely ask them if they want our truth or what they want to hear. Often we refrain from such discussions. </p><p></p><p>Given that fact, we also love our difficult child without question and unconditionally. I never understood unconditional love until this year. Knowing what we know now about the problems associated with adoption I would never put my easy child or my relationship with husband or our health and well being and economic future in jeopardy again. Almost 21 years ago husband and I were taking a walk around the block. We had just met difficult child's birthmother in a prearranged meeting with the social worked. I had second thoughts and told husband maybe we should go ahead with it. He told me we should see it through and if it was meant to be it would happen. I will never believe that statement again.</p><p></p><p>Over the past 21 years there were many times when husband and I would look at each other and say "this was your idea" a private joke between the two of us that only we could understand or appreciate. </p><p></p><p>difficult child's bm never had any more children, she said by choice. Thank goodness. In all honestly (and this is where you have to promise not to take this politically or religiously) she should never have had difficult child and should have terminated the pregnancy. I get very upset with the current political climate of some folks who want to stop all abortions or make them almost impossible to get. I want to have each one of those self-righteous people adopt a difficult child a raise him/her to adulthood and come back in 21 years and tell me what their feelings are now, and do it with the horrible health care system that we have that is bankrupting many families and not providing for the care of these children. I want them to take my difficult child, drug addicted and alcoholic and living on the edge and tell her she could not have the abortion that was the only choice that made any sense. I want them to figure out what to do with a child that would have been born to an addict who has no ability to support herself and engages in risky behavior.</p><p></p><p>I also get very upset with my own church's view on abortion and it has caused me great pain and I have become distanced from them. husband is even more vocal about this that I am. I haven't seen my church lift a finger to help the families who are raising children with the scars of their birthparents. And I haven't seen anyone in my church step up to agree to adopt the unborn child of a drug addict.</p><p></p><p>Yesterday we had a woman in our city arrested for being drunk and sitting on her the week old infants head and crushing her. That baby is now in intensive care and they do not know if she will make it. The woman is in jail. That could be my difficult child. It makes no sense to make her have a child. Some women should never have children.</p><p></p><p>Getting back to adoption. I also cannot imagine difficult child not being in our life. I genuinely miss her and wake in the middle of the night worrying about her. I can't imagine how she is going to survive when we are gone. I worry about the impact she will have on easy child's life. But I don;t think they should allow adoptions in families with birth children and they should be brutally honest with in the background special training should be required. In some ways I think they should bring back orphanages. I know that sounds archaic but it's something husband and I have discussed for a while now.</p><p></p><p>So here you have it, my views are pretty extreme and I hope this does not turn into a debate or causes anyone to be offended. If that happens I will delete my post because that is not at all what I want. But I do think this is the one place where we can honestly share our feelings, no matter how difficult they may be to hear. </p><p></p><p>I love my difficult child with all my heart. I will walk through water or fire for her. Nothing can ever change that.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 535309, member: 59"] "Disclaimer: The views and opinions expressed in this post are those of the author and should not be construed to be a political or religious opinion. The are based solely on the author's personal experiences and not meant to offend or otherwise convince anyone of it's merit." If anyone asked myself or husband if we would ever adopt again we would both say a resounding no. If someone asks our opinion on adoption we would politely ask them if they want our truth or what they want to hear. Often we refrain from such discussions. Given that fact, we also love our difficult child without question and unconditionally. I never understood unconditional love until this year. Knowing what we know now about the problems associated with adoption I would never put my easy child or my relationship with husband or our health and well being and economic future in jeopardy again. Almost 21 years ago husband and I were taking a walk around the block. We had just met difficult child's birthmother in a prearranged meeting with the social worked. I had second thoughts and told husband maybe we should go ahead with it. He told me we should see it through and if it was meant to be it would happen. I will never believe that statement again. Over the past 21 years there were many times when husband and I would look at each other and say "this was your idea" a private joke between the two of us that only we could understand or appreciate. difficult child's bm never had any more children, she said by choice. Thank goodness. In all honestly (and this is where you have to promise not to take this politically or religiously) she should never have had difficult child and should have terminated the pregnancy. I get very upset with the current political climate of some folks who want to stop all abortions or make them almost impossible to get. I want to have each one of those self-righteous people adopt a difficult child a raise him/her to adulthood and come back in 21 years and tell me what their feelings are now, and do it with the horrible health care system that we have that is bankrupting many families and not providing for the care of these children. I want them to take my difficult child, drug addicted and alcoholic and living on the edge and tell her she could not have the abortion that was the only choice that made any sense. I want them to figure out what to do with a child that would have been born to an addict who has no ability to support herself and engages in risky behavior. I also get very upset with my own church's view on abortion and it has caused me great pain and I have become distanced from them. husband is even more vocal about this that I am. I haven't seen my church lift a finger to help the families who are raising children with the scars of their birthparents. And I haven't seen anyone in my church step up to agree to adopt the unborn child of a drug addict. Yesterday we had a woman in our city arrested for being drunk and sitting on her the week old infants head and crushing her. That baby is now in intensive care and they do not know if she will make it. The woman is in jail. That could be my difficult child. It makes no sense to make her have a child. Some women should never have children. Getting back to adoption. I also cannot imagine difficult child not being in our life. I genuinely miss her and wake in the middle of the night worrying about her. I can't imagine how she is going to survive when we are gone. I worry about the impact she will have on easy child's life. But I don;t think they should allow adoptions in families with birth children and they should be brutally honest with in the background special training should be required. In some ways I think they should bring back orphanages. I know that sounds archaic but it's something husband and I have discussed for a while now. So here you have it, my views are pretty extreme and I hope this does not turn into a debate or causes anyone to be offended. If that happens I will delete my post because that is not at all what I want. But I do think this is the one place where we can honestly share our feelings, no matter how difficult they may be to hear. I love my difficult child with all my heart. I will walk through water or fire for her. Nothing can ever change that. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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