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Feelings & Thoughts because of difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="hexemaus2" data-source="post: 192575" data-attributes="member: 4560"><p>Oh Deni, I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. I know all too well what it feels like to not like your own child. There have been days...many days...that I don't feel like I can stand the sight of him. It doesn't mean I don't love him, or that we're bad parents for feeling that way. It really doesn't. I DO love my son, just like you love yours, but liking them and wanting to be around them have nothing to do with loving them. </p><p> </p><p>I also know what it's like to know you need someone else's help, to know that you're killing yourself trying to do everything for difficult child, to know you really need a break, but that it just isn't possible because there's no one else to 'sub' for you - even for a few hours. It's a desperate feeling. Like being trapped in a sink hole with no way out...just watching everything and everyone sink into it with you. I have so been there - and very recently, in fact.</p><p> </p><p>I know for me that the only way I was able to get past that feeling, and start to feel even remotely better, was to channel all of it...all the hurt, the despair, the fear, the helplessness, into constructive anger. I let it all just flat out p*ss me off (constructively) so that my anger could fuel my will to keep trying, keep begging, keep pleading for help for all of us. There's a fine line between just letting it make you angry and channeling that anger into constructive resolve & determination. I don't have a clue how to tell you how to accomplish that part, I just know that's how I did it, how I keep doing it, and still stay somewhat sane. I don't let the anger spill out onto non-constructive things - like dealing with my other kids and loved ones, but I do let it all collect (for lack of a better term) inside my warrior mom armor & use it for the battles with the system(s.) If you can figure out a way to do that for yourself, you might find that it gives you a small feeling of having a little more control over things. (Lord knows, there are much more areas with difficult children that we don't have control over, so having a little control somewhere, at least for me, helps out alot.)</p><p> </p><p>My heart goes out to you, hon. I really do understand where you're coming from. I don't know what to tell you in terms of medications/therapy for yourself. I haven't gone that route yet. Not that I wouldn't, I just honestly don't have any space left in my appointment book for doctor appointments for me. I don't think I could manage another treatment plan - not even one for me. So, I keep finding other ways to help myself get through. But I highly recommend squeezing out whatever time you can to find solutions for yourself - whether that's medications/therapy, or a hobby, or just time to stare off into space and meditate - whatever works for you to help you regain control of your own thoughts and emotions so you're in better shape to deal with the curve balls life keeps throwing at you.</p><p> </p><p>The other members have given you the best advice in the world - find a way to take care of you first. You're all your difficult child has in terms of advocates...you have to keep yourself okay in order to get him to a level of okay, if that makes sense. Please take that advice to heart. You really are going to be the biggest key to success for your difficult child, so you have to keep you going no matter what.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hexemaus2, post: 192575, member: 4560"] Oh Deni, I'm so sorry for the situation you're in. I know all too well what it feels like to not like your own child. There have been days...many days...that I don't feel like I can stand the sight of him. It doesn't mean I don't love him, or that we're bad parents for feeling that way. It really doesn't. I DO love my son, just like you love yours, but liking them and wanting to be around them have nothing to do with loving them. I also know what it's like to know you need someone else's help, to know that you're killing yourself trying to do everything for difficult child, to know you really need a break, but that it just isn't possible because there's no one else to 'sub' for you - even for a few hours. It's a desperate feeling. Like being trapped in a sink hole with no way out...just watching everything and everyone sink into it with you. I have so been there - and very recently, in fact. I know for me that the only way I was able to get past that feeling, and start to feel even remotely better, was to channel all of it...all the hurt, the despair, the fear, the helplessness, into constructive anger. I let it all just flat out p*ss me off (constructively) so that my anger could fuel my will to keep trying, keep begging, keep pleading for help for all of us. There's a fine line between just letting it make you angry and channeling that anger into constructive resolve & determination. I don't have a clue how to tell you how to accomplish that part, I just know that's how I did it, how I keep doing it, and still stay somewhat sane. I don't let the anger spill out onto non-constructive things - like dealing with my other kids and loved ones, but I do let it all collect (for lack of a better term) inside my warrior mom armor & use it for the battles with the system(s.) If you can figure out a way to do that for yourself, you might find that it gives you a small feeling of having a little more control over things. (Lord knows, there are much more areas with difficult children that we don't have control over, so having a little control somewhere, at least for me, helps out alot.) My heart goes out to you, hon. I really do understand where you're coming from. I don't know what to tell you in terms of medications/therapy for yourself. I haven't gone that route yet. Not that I wouldn't, I just honestly don't have any space left in my appointment book for doctor appointments for me. I don't think I could manage another treatment plan - not even one for me. So, I keep finding other ways to help myself get through. But I highly recommend squeezing out whatever time you can to find solutions for yourself - whether that's medications/therapy, or a hobby, or just time to stare off into space and meditate - whatever works for you to help you regain control of your own thoughts and emotions so you're in better shape to deal with the curve balls life keeps throwing at you. The other members have given you the best advice in the world - find a way to take care of you first. You're all your difficult child has in terms of advocates...you have to keep yourself okay in order to get him to a level of okay, if that makes sense. Please take that advice to heart. You really are going to be the biggest key to success for your difficult child, so you have to keep you going no matter what. [/QUOTE]
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