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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 180024" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>Ok- I feel soooo much better- here's my update!</p><p></p><p>1) I didn't know prescription glasses could be messed up like that but now that I do- I'll be making issue about it at difficult child''s appointment.</p><p></p><p>2) I'm getting there with the computer- it's a lot better than it was last night- thanks to all for that one!</p><p></p><p>3) I'll guess we'll see how things go next week when my boss is back. If I have to relocate or sell the house and start over, next year would be the best time since difficult child will be (should be) between middle school and high school. </p><p></p><p>4) As far as bro- I think I might call the attny and see what he says- if he writes a letter or advises me, it should help in the future if this ends up in court again. If I end up sending a message to him myself, I would love your input, Star! </p><p></p><p>Really, I think his actions for the past 3 years have been more to get at me than anything. He cares for difficult child, but these actions aren't signs of love, they are signs of resentment, lack of respect, and trying to have a battle of wills (toward me), in my humble opinion. No one who cares for a child acts sympathetic and friendly towards the child then steers the child or aids them to do inappropriate things while at the same time, uses that information to lead other family members to believe that the child is doing horrible things (the very things they aided in), and also uses that information to tell legal authorities how bad the parent is. I will never believe that those actions were done out of love for difficult child or were signs of love. He set difficult child up and tried to set him up more. He didn't do that to try to get difficult child sent to detention, he really thought it would give justification to me being a bad parent so he could get custody. But what fool does things like this and can actually think that a kid who is already in trouble legally couldn't potentially be sent to a loong-term detention or who knows where? I can never even imagine forgiving him. Not to mention the things he was yelling to difficult child about on the phone last year- not things like "get your act together- stay out of trouble" like some of us do when we're mad at the kid. But things like "your mother doesn't love you" - "if it wasn't for me (bro) difficult child would be going to foster care". ARGHHHH!!! difficult child did tell my mom last year that he did not want to live with my bro. He alaso told the GAL that and that he didn't want to talk to him anymore. difficult child told bro these things, too. I'll see what the attny says first- Star, I think it is my bro who needs to get the point that difficult child will let him know if he ever wants to talk to him again.</p><p></p><p>5) I don't trust my mom- I know that sounds horrible but I have every reason and then some. But, I do still love her and after the heartbreak that difficult child feels over bro's actions, I don't want him to have to face another one right now regarding his grandmother. I will talk to her this weekend. I will tell her what I have no problem with, but what I am not comfortable with. I guess we'll see how it goes from there. She <em>says</em> that she has had no contact with my bro since last year when she wouldn't come to testify that difficult child should go live with him- she wouldn't take any action to back up his efforts. She also says that the reason they haven't had any contact and the reason that I never need to worry about him getting info from her again or otherwise causing me problems with her involved is because "he won't call her or communicate with her anymore". And anytime I try to discuss how angry I am at him or that I don't think his actions are proof of love for difficult child, she just says "well, how do I think she feels- he mislead and lied to her". </p><p></p><p>What makes this seem so absurd to me is that my dad's parents (who raised bro after our dad died), tried to do the same thing to my mom to get custody of me. The EXACT same thing! And she fought it. She documented EVERYTHING and had a legal order of guardianship drawn up, even tho she was my bio-mom. And, as screwy as she was and acted many, many times, i have to say that I never once wanted to live anywhere other than with my mom. And I grew to resent my grandparents' tactics a lot. I really felt that their actions were not out of love for me- if they were, they would have been trying to help my mom and me- not take me from my mom after I'd just lost my dad.</p><p></p><p>So, my bro- I can see why he's a jerk. My mom has NO excuse in my book. This was the "talk" we had last year. So what do I believe? I don't know if she's still in contact with bro or not. My mom is not normal. That was clear many years ago. I just still love her and try to overlook her and try to not let myself get in situations where she has too much info about difficult child or me. She cannot be trusted with it. And, she does not always think rational or deal with things rationally. If I have any conversation with my new friends that she is pushing- it will be that someone might need to help me communicate with mom's dr about mental competence, because she gets worse as she gets older. Although, she has been taking anxiety medications and they <em>seem</em> to be helping- the day will probably come when she stops them or they aren't as helpful anymore.</p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>That has just become my backup plan!!</p><p></p><p>6) I'm going to play with more colors this weekend! Janet's link to the color thing is great!!</p><p></p><p>7) </p><p></p><p>I guess that is all that can be said about that! At least difficult child helps me out around the house and does yardwork- for now anyway.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 180024, member: 3699"] Ok- I feel soooo much better- here's my update! 1) I didn't know prescription glasses could be messed up like that but now that I do- I'll be making issue about it at difficult child''s appointment. 2) I'm getting there with the computer- it's a lot better than it was last night- thanks to all for that one! 3) I'll guess we'll see how things go next week when my boss is back. If I have to relocate or sell the house and start over, next year would be the best time since difficult child will be (should be) between middle school and high school. 4) As far as bro- I think I might call the attny and see what he says- if he writes a letter or advises me, it should help in the future if this ends up in court again. If I end up sending a message to him myself, I would love your input, Star! Really, I think his actions for the past 3 years have been more to get at me than anything. He cares for difficult child, but these actions aren't signs of love, they are signs of resentment, lack of respect, and trying to have a battle of wills (toward me), in my humble opinion. No one who cares for a child acts sympathetic and friendly towards the child then steers the child or aids them to do inappropriate things while at the same time, uses that information to lead other family members to believe that the child is doing horrible things (the very things they aided in), and also uses that information to tell legal authorities how bad the parent is. I will never believe that those actions were done out of love for difficult child or were signs of love. He set difficult child up and tried to set him up more. He didn't do that to try to get difficult child sent to detention, he really thought it would give justification to me being a bad parent so he could get custody. But what fool does things like this and can actually think that a kid who is already in trouble legally couldn't potentially be sent to a loong-term detention or who knows where? I can never even imagine forgiving him. Not to mention the things he was yelling to difficult child about on the phone last year- not things like "get your act together- stay out of trouble" like some of us do when we're mad at the kid. But things like "your mother doesn't love you" - "if it wasn't for me (bro) difficult child would be going to foster care". ARGHHHH!!! difficult child did tell my mom last year that he did not want to live with my bro. He alaso told the GAL that and that he didn't want to talk to him anymore. difficult child told bro these things, too. I'll see what the attny says first- Star, I think it is my bro who needs to get the point that difficult child will let him know if he ever wants to talk to him again. 5) I don't trust my mom- I know that sounds horrible but I have every reason and then some. But, I do still love her and after the heartbreak that difficult child feels over bro's actions, I don't want him to have to face another one right now regarding his grandmother. I will talk to her this weekend. I will tell her what I have no problem with, but what I am not comfortable with. I guess we'll see how it goes from there. She [I]says[/I] that she has had no contact with my bro since last year when she wouldn't come to testify that difficult child should go live with him- she wouldn't take any action to back up his efforts. She also says that the reason they haven't had any contact and the reason that I never need to worry about him getting info from her again or otherwise causing me problems with her involved is because "he won't call her or communicate with her anymore". And anytime I try to discuss how angry I am at him or that I don't think his actions are proof of love for difficult child, she just says "well, how do I think she feels- he mislead and lied to her". What makes this seem so absurd to me is that my dad's parents (who raised bro after our dad died), tried to do the same thing to my mom to get custody of me. The EXACT same thing! And she fought it. She documented EVERYTHING and had a legal order of guardianship drawn up, even tho she was my bio-mom. And, as screwy as she was and acted many, many times, i have to say that I never once wanted to live anywhere other than with my mom. And I grew to resent my grandparents' tactics a lot. I really felt that their actions were not out of love for me- if they were, they would have been trying to help my mom and me- not take me from my mom after I'd just lost my dad. So, my bro- I can see why he's a jerk. My mom has NO excuse in my book. This was the "talk" we had last year. So what do I believe? I don't know if she's still in contact with bro or not. My mom is not normal. That was clear many years ago. I just still love her and try to overlook her and try to not let myself get in situations where she has too much info about difficult child or me. She cannot be trusted with it. And, she does not always think rational or deal with things rationally. If I have any conversation with my new friends that she is pushing- it will be that someone might need to help me communicate with mom's dr about mental competence, because she gets worse as she gets older. Although, she has been taking anxiety medications and they [I]seem[/I] to be helping- the day will probably come when she stops them or they aren't as helpful anymore. That has just become my backup plan!! 6) I'm going to play with more colors this weekend! Janet's link to the color thing is great!! 7) I guess that is all that can be said about that! At least difficult child helps me out around the house and does yardwork- for now anyway. [/QUOTE]
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