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Fighting the Guilt Demons
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 659816" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>I hope that if/when the hospital social worker calls you, you can hold your resolve and NOT help her help him. You may want to put a note to yourself by the phone and wherever you sit/stand as you talk on the phone to people. It should remind you that it does absolutely nothing positive when you do more to help someone than they will do to help themselves. </p><p></p><p>Your son's response told you that he will absolutely NOT avail himself of any help in a useful manner. While I hope and pray that he wises up before his heart fails, it is not something that I can control,or that you can control, or that even he can control. He can do the most to try to control it, but he isn't going to. That says a whole lot.</p><p></p><p>If you find a place for him, even now with this illness, it will set up or maintain a pattern where he goes to the hospital for a serious problem, gets help from you, and the abuses it to the absolute maximum amount possible - an amount far greater than any of us can imagine. If you leave him to his own devices and the not so tender care of the rest of the world, he may actually have to face and cope with reality. </p><p></p><p>Your helping him doesn't actually help him. BUT if very limited short term help makes YOUR heart feel a little better and you are at a point here you need that, then go and do it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 659816, member: 1233"] I hope that if/when the hospital social worker calls you, you can hold your resolve and NOT help her help him. You may want to put a note to yourself by the phone and wherever you sit/stand as you talk on the phone to people. It should remind you that it does absolutely nothing positive when you do more to help someone than they will do to help themselves. Your son's response told you that he will absolutely NOT avail himself of any help in a useful manner. While I hope and pray that he wises up before his heart fails, it is not something that I can control,or that you can control, or that even he can control. He can do the most to try to control it, but he isn't going to. That says a whole lot. If you find a place for him, even now with this illness, it will set up or maintain a pattern where he goes to the hospital for a serious problem, gets help from you, and the abuses it to the absolute maximum amount possible - an amount far greater than any of us can imagine. If you leave him to his own devices and the not so tender care of the rest of the world, he may actually have to face and cope with reality. Your helping him doesn't actually help him. BUT if very limited short term help makes YOUR heart feel a little better and you are at a point here you need that, then go and do it. [/QUOTE]
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