FILcalled tonight & H said "hi dad" & for a moment I thought it was MY (late) dad +

[Signorina]

My dad's been gone for 4.5 years...and it's been a really long time since I've forgotten that he is gone. Yet, just for a sec when H answered the phone and said "hi dad", I momentarily forgot and then wondered what the heck my dad wanted... (Obviously, my father in law rarely calls!)

And then I remembered he is long gone; and really started to cry. I don't know why I am sharing this except that I somehow need to tell someone. H will think I am nuts.

I am really longing for ife to be happy and carefree again. There was a time when my biggest concern was what to make for dinner or a easy child who left lots of dirty clothes on the floor or colored on the walls...(painted the carpet with baby lotion, got into my lipstick, had to stay in at recess for random naughtiness -I miss those days)

I am so weary and so weary of being weary...

 

[exhausted]

Oh Sig can I relate! It sounds as if you and your dad were very close. You are not nuts. I have forgotten that my grandma is gone and she has been for about 7 years! This is normal and also you are stressed and looking back to finer times.
At FA Wed. the group leader said, "We will always be in recovery the rest of our lives-just like our kids." This killed me! Oh please say it isnt soooo.. I believe it may be. The trick is to get where there is peace and the ability to be healthy and live again-I see people who seem to have done it. It is not me yet nor you. We have to grieve a bit longer. And you are also grieving the loss of your dad as well-who cares if it is 4.5 years ago. This comes in waves. I think when anyone grieves one thing, it brings up the other losses in our lives as well as the feeling return. You are beginning to see that the son you once had is long gone-it is becoming more real since you have spent time with him. I just give you a hug and permission to grieve. You're not crazy!

 

[AmericanGirl]

{{{Sig}}}}

I understand. I picked up the phone about a week ago the call my grandmother. She died last year....

Sounds like you need a break. Can you manage a night out?

 

[Nancy]

Aww Sig I'm sorry. I know just how you are feeling. I was missing my difficult child a lot yesterday and remembering all the fun things we would do in the summer as a family. It will never be like that again. I long for those carefree days too, although the more I htink about it we didn't have many carefee ones with difficult child.

I'm sorry you miss your dad so much. He sounds like a great dad from everything you have said about him. I'm sure tomorrow will be hard for you.

Nancy

 

[DDD]

Sending understanding and caring hugs. My Dad passed years before my Mom. with-o exaggeration it took close to five years before I "got it"......sure enough, I would head to the phone to share some little thing with one or the other. I somehow "knew" they were no longer together but even after both had passed away I would head to the phone...and the home number was no longer "a valid number". Hugs. DDD

 

[AnnieO]

Every now and then I will do this with my maternal Grandparents. Grandpa passed in March 2003 and Grandma in December 2004. But I still remember their home phone number, and every so often...

My Mom was an only child, and I am, too, so I was pretty spoiled by them. I was much much closer to them (geographically as well as emotionally) than my Dad's parents... So in a way I do understand...

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[FlowerGarden]

Hugs to you.