I've been a mess lately, drawn into his stuff, having to fight with him over his swearing at me and name calling, it's almost like trying to help a toddler who is having a nonstop tantrum, but he is 35. Yesterday, we were talking nicely and suddenly I said something he didn't like and he said, "You are SO dumb. You re as dumb as ex." I said that if he called me any more names I would hang up, but it was too late. HE had already hung up! He thinks he's entitled to calling me names and that he is in the right and that I'm unreasonable to expect him to be respectful to me because he's going through such a hard time and has anxiety disorder badly (and let's not forget...drinks every night and is prescribed eight Xanax a day). I don't know if he is taking the Xanax or not right now. I don't think so because he's complained he can't afford "my psychiatric medications." He had a real winner of a psychiatrist who prescribed 800 mgs. of Lamictal and eight Xanax a day. I really don't know what he is taking. All I know is I'm enabling his horrible behavior by even lending him an ear since he is being so abusive that I'd never go near him physically. As he sent me angry texts about how he isn't going to talk to me about his problems anymore if I'm going to get unreasonably angry at him...I turned off my phone and looked up the next Al-Anon meeting (since there is no CODA here). I believe that things happen for a reason. There was a meeting close by an hour from then. I went. It was such a relief to be with others who understood and had done the same thing...enabled. I am so steeped into enabling this adult child that I didn't see it coming. With Julie it was easy to know better because she was obviously using drugs and could have died. But, to be honest, even while using drugs, Julie's niceness and ambivalence about her behavior and good heart came through. 35 doesn't have those qualities. I lost Scott. I just don't want to lose another son. I may have to. That's just the way it is. I have to get used to it. It's not like he was a huge part of my life before the divorce. He never called me when he was married. I don't know my grandson. My family is really Tom, Sonic, Jumper and Julie (and my doggies). I would also include Julie's boyfriend of ten years. I'm going to go to as many Al-Anon meetings that I can and if it turns out that 35 decides to shut me out, so be it. My life is so good other than 35, but it's amazing how one person who is so unpleasant and mean all the time can outweigh all the others in your life. I'm only at Step One, but it was a relief to give 35 over to God. He can handle him. I simply can't anymore. Just a tired vent.