HowMuchLonger
New Member
difficult child 3 went into typical rage again last night and I finally had enough and called for an ambulance.
He had been out playing with friends and suddenly called me from a cell phone (??!!) to ask for another 1/2 hour to play. I asked where cell phone came from he said "an older boy". That didn't sit well with me so I drove over to the playground they were supposed to be at and couldn't find him. I drove around for 1/2 hour and came home to call back this cell phone but before I could he called me back..as I was questioning him he suddenly yelled out "F* F* F*, F* you that hurt" and started crying. I was screaming into phone "what happened, whats wrong" and he then hung up on me. I was worried out of my mind..thinking all sorts of crazy things were happening with this "older boy" so raced back over there.
I saw him, his 9 year old friend and then this teenager walking towards me. I called to difficult child 3 to come to me..he refused. I went to him and he explained the older boy had thrown an iceball and it'd hit him in the head (phew..nothing crazy). But I still wanted to talk to him about the language on the phone and that playing with this kid...probably 14-15 was not happening. He immediately changed..his tone, facial expression and I knew I was in for it but tried to hold on. As I was explaining this all he was "whatever, yeah yeah..."I finally said if you don't listen and acknowledge me, you're done for the day. He then proceeded to just start copying what i was saying in a nasty rude tone of voice. I couldn't get him to stop so told him he was coming home
He tried to get away from me so I grabbed his shirt and literally dragged him to my car. I tried for several mins to get him in, but as soon as I would, he'd jump out and try to run away while I was getting into my side. Finally SOMEHOW got him in and started to drive away. He tried to jump out of the moving car TWICE while I was driving back home so i had to drive with one hand and hold his clothing with the other to keep him from jumping. The whole while he was practically foaming at the mouth spitting obscenities and telling me how horrible i was. He was flailing his arms and legs and kicking at the car/door. I got to my house and pretty much dragged him out the driver's side for fear if I let go of his clothing for even a minute I'd lose him. He then punched me in the face once. As soon as he did it he said "i'm sorry i'm sorry i didnt' mean to"...but then punched me two more times. He's a little guy and it really didn't hurt, but it was the thought and intent behind it that mattered.
I threw him up the porch steps and into the house and picked up the phone to call 911. difficult child 3 was screamign the entire time in the background "I DONT NEED A F*ING AMBULANCE I'M CALLLLLLMMMMMM" (yeah ok). But unfortunately by the time the police got there he was fairly diffused. He was still "not right" so they did get to see a bit of it. He was not screaming or flailing anymore but he was still talking very low and drawn out and saying rude things "i hate my stupid mother, my brother is an a-hole" (not swearing but saying that exact phrase). He refused several times to go with either the officer or ambulance attendants but they finally got him out. As he went past me int he doorway he said "dont come to the hospital" and looked at me with pure hatred....i just broke down..it was all too much
I got to the hospital about 30 mins after the ambulance..they took him to the worst possible hospital right downtown so parking was crazy. He refused to speak to me but seemed calm. They got him a room as soon as I got there in the emergency psychiatric ward and then we talked with many people. I noticed they had a camera and probably microphone in the room so I was just going to let difficult child 3 do "his thing" without too much interaction hoping they could see/hear him go off. He said several times "I need to get out of this f'ing place..it's gay" "this room is too f'ing small....get me out of here" "why the f* are you here, get lost" etc. He then grabbed the hospital tray thing that raises and is on wheels and started methodically wheeling it towards me as if to smash it into my face (I was sitting in a chair across from him). I finally took it from him and wheeled it out of the room. So even though he was calm he was still not himself. The resident psychiatrist finally came and started questioning him. It was the same old BS...he feels he's being bullied (I swear I'd bet my house that he's not and problem. has never been...HE'S the bully), says he sleeps bad (again, we feel totally untrue, just an excuse) all the rest was standard as for his excuses for the behaviour. The psychiatric seemed to totally eat it up, I just kept my mouth shut and waited my turn.
We left the room and talked alone without difficult child 3 for about an hour. I told her everything he said was total BS and/or was his reality, NOT in fact the rest of the world's reality. She told me she thought they'd request an urgent pysch referral and then left the room. She came back and said "ok, no pysch referral" WHAT??? This kid tried to jump from a moving vehicle and has in the past threatened to kill himself and he doesn't need some sort of pysch evaluation or something?? She said "at this age we don't find counselling to work all that well in these situations, and besides you already have him in a type of counselling" (which is our twice monthly sessions that are not one on one, but with a group of kids/parents and aren't interactive...just social workers giving us info...so the kids don't really get to share feelings, and it's not personal to any one kid. She said she thinks a change of medications is in order. Either a dosage increase or a totally different medication. She said once they get the ADHD medications optimized we may then chose to add on another medication that helps to control anger (?) can't remember the exact terminology she used. Also, wants us to contact a service here that comes into the home and basically offers the entire family help, ideas, suggestions, counselling.
I told her I felt she'd given me nothing, no help. All these changes are things I could've put into effect myself. That i didn't want the in home counselling, as it was just going to be everythign we've already tried the last 3 years without success, but that I would try anything at this point. She also wanted to write me a script for the new medications she was suggesting rather than the Adderall. I declined the script as I would rather have the pediatrician he's seeing now give us that script in case anything went wrong with it, i'd have noone to call for help.
By this point difficult child 3 was sleeping in a chair and I woke him up to go home. Walking to the truck he apologized for everything (blah, i'm done taking apologies).
As of today, we've taken away "fun stuff" - video games, computer, outside time...for the whole weekend and informed him husband and I were going to talk and come up with a plan for what happens from here on out. There will be no more playing at this playground, or with teenagers, or with the boy he was with. I'm thinking limiting him to our street only is going to have to be the way. If he can't be trusted in my car, then he can't go so far that I need the car to come get him. I'm going to seriously limit his freedom and expect a lot of backlash but i dont knwo what else to do.
thanks for listening/reading
He had been out playing with friends and suddenly called me from a cell phone (??!!) to ask for another 1/2 hour to play. I asked where cell phone came from he said "an older boy". That didn't sit well with me so I drove over to the playground they were supposed to be at and couldn't find him. I drove around for 1/2 hour and came home to call back this cell phone but before I could he called me back..as I was questioning him he suddenly yelled out "F* F* F*, F* you that hurt" and started crying. I was screaming into phone "what happened, whats wrong" and he then hung up on me. I was worried out of my mind..thinking all sorts of crazy things were happening with this "older boy" so raced back over there.
I saw him, his 9 year old friend and then this teenager walking towards me. I called to difficult child 3 to come to me..he refused. I went to him and he explained the older boy had thrown an iceball and it'd hit him in the head (phew..nothing crazy). But I still wanted to talk to him about the language on the phone and that playing with this kid...probably 14-15 was not happening. He immediately changed..his tone, facial expression and I knew I was in for it but tried to hold on. As I was explaining this all he was "whatever, yeah yeah..."I finally said if you don't listen and acknowledge me, you're done for the day. He then proceeded to just start copying what i was saying in a nasty rude tone of voice. I couldn't get him to stop so told him he was coming home
He tried to get away from me so I grabbed his shirt and literally dragged him to my car. I tried for several mins to get him in, but as soon as I would, he'd jump out and try to run away while I was getting into my side. Finally SOMEHOW got him in and started to drive away. He tried to jump out of the moving car TWICE while I was driving back home so i had to drive with one hand and hold his clothing with the other to keep him from jumping. The whole while he was practically foaming at the mouth spitting obscenities and telling me how horrible i was. He was flailing his arms and legs and kicking at the car/door. I got to my house and pretty much dragged him out the driver's side for fear if I let go of his clothing for even a minute I'd lose him. He then punched me in the face once. As soon as he did it he said "i'm sorry i'm sorry i didnt' mean to"...but then punched me two more times. He's a little guy and it really didn't hurt, but it was the thought and intent behind it that mattered.
I threw him up the porch steps and into the house and picked up the phone to call 911. difficult child 3 was screamign the entire time in the background "I DONT NEED A F*ING AMBULANCE I'M CALLLLLLMMMMMM" (yeah ok). But unfortunately by the time the police got there he was fairly diffused. He was still "not right" so they did get to see a bit of it. He was not screaming or flailing anymore but he was still talking very low and drawn out and saying rude things "i hate my stupid mother, my brother is an a-hole" (not swearing but saying that exact phrase). He refused several times to go with either the officer or ambulance attendants but they finally got him out. As he went past me int he doorway he said "dont come to the hospital" and looked at me with pure hatred....i just broke down..it was all too much
I got to the hospital about 30 mins after the ambulance..they took him to the worst possible hospital right downtown so parking was crazy. He refused to speak to me but seemed calm. They got him a room as soon as I got there in the emergency psychiatric ward and then we talked with many people. I noticed they had a camera and probably microphone in the room so I was just going to let difficult child 3 do "his thing" without too much interaction hoping they could see/hear him go off. He said several times "I need to get out of this f'ing place..it's gay" "this room is too f'ing small....get me out of here" "why the f* are you here, get lost" etc. He then grabbed the hospital tray thing that raises and is on wheels and started methodically wheeling it towards me as if to smash it into my face (I was sitting in a chair across from him). I finally took it from him and wheeled it out of the room. So even though he was calm he was still not himself. The resident psychiatrist finally came and started questioning him. It was the same old BS...he feels he's being bullied (I swear I'd bet my house that he's not and problem. has never been...HE'S the bully), says he sleeps bad (again, we feel totally untrue, just an excuse) all the rest was standard as for his excuses for the behaviour. The psychiatric seemed to totally eat it up, I just kept my mouth shut and waited my turn.
We left the room and talked alone without difficult child 3 for about an hour. I told her everything he said was total BS and/or was his reality, NOT in fact the rest of the world's reality. She told me she thought they'd request an urgent pysch referral and then left the room. She came back and said "ok, no pysch referral" WHAT??? This kid tried to jump from a moving vehicle and has in the past threatened to kill himself and he doesn't need some sort of pysch evaluation or something?? She said "at this age we don't find counselling to work all that well in these situations, and besides you already have him in a type of counselling" (which is our twice monthly sessions that are not one on one, but with a group of kids/parents and aren't interactive...just social workers giving us info...so the kids don't really get to share feelings, and it's not personal to any one kid. She said she thinks a change of medications is in order. Either a dosage increase or a totally different medication. She said once they get the ADHD medications optimized we may then chose to add on another medication that helps to control anger (?) can't remember the exact terminology she used. Also, wants us to contact a service here that comes into the home and basically offers the entire family help, ideas, suggestions, counselling.
I told her I felt she'd given me nothing, no help. All these changes are things I could've put into effect myself. That i didn't want the in home counselling, as it was just going to be everythign we've already tried the last 3 years without success, but that I would try anything at this point. She also wanted to write me a script for the new medications she was suggesting rather than the Adderall. I declined the script as I would rather have the pediatrician he's seeing now give us that script in case anything went wrong with it, i'd have noone to call for help.
By this point difficult child 3 was sleeping in a chair and I woke him up to go home. Walking to the truck he apologized for everything (blah, i'm done taking apologies).
As of today, we've taken away "fun stuff" - video games, computer, outside time...for the whole weekend and informed him husband and I were going to talk and come up with a plan for what happens from here on out. There will be no more playing at this playground, or with teenagers, or with the boy he was with. I'm thinking limiting him to our street only is going to have to be the way. If he can't be trusted in my car, then he can't go so far that I need the car to come get him. I'm going to seriously limit his freedom and expect a lot of backlash but i dont knwo what else to do.
thanks for listening/reading
